Lived Experience Forum

[sociallyanxious]

A few months ago my therapist said i can message her between our sessions. I began to do that and used her as my support person..ie. if something anxiety provoking came up i would message asking for advice. Recently i was told not to message her anymore asapparently it is not sustainable for her to keep working that way if she "is going to be my therapist for the long term". She told me she is unwell so cannot keep replying to messages.. I cant help but feel rejected and like i made her unwell by the number of messages i sent. I feel so ashamed and rejected after she said that. Like i have done sometgibg wrong and was inappropriate. I dont know how to move past this..i was getting the amount of support i need and to now have that taken away is so hard.

[Former-Member]

Hi @sociallyanxious
Welcome to the forums! I can see how that situation would be hurtful and feel awful. I don't think your messages would have caused your therapist to become unwell... though this is something that you should ask so that she can explain further? Sometimes i think therapists want to help so much that they overreach or stretch their own boundaries and then pull back... which isnt a reflection on you at all. im not sure.. however i am sure that this situation isnt your fault! Though im sorry that you are now losing the support that you had. I know it wouldnt be the same but there is always life line, and sane has a support line here too during weekdays that is wonderful ... and the forums themselves! hopefully you will be able to share some of the anxiety provoking events here maybe if you felt comfortable and receive some support that way?
Hope this helps
Take care

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @sociallyanxious, Welcome to Forum Land

I am really sorry to hear that you've had that experience with your therapist. I have had many similar experiences. It isn't you, it's the fact that your therapist lacks self-awareness around her own boundaries. I am currently on the hunt for my thirteenth therapist since Feb. last year when my then-therapist decided to close her practice (only five months after starting with me - grrrrrrrr). In her handover report, she talks at length about how any therapist who works with me needs to be super self-aware of their own boundaries from the start. She states that I need explicit boundaries regarding all things including time, space and contact...it is essential that these are clearly thought through and discussed, or therapy is certain to fail for Phoenix_Rising. As I said, I'm on the hunt for therapist take-thirteen. This is in part because there are a lot of therapists out there who lack self-awareness regarding boundaries.

I can very much relate to your sense of rejection. As therapist-take-one articulated in her report, I can cope relatively ok with boundaries, so long as they are clear and don't change. If a therapist told me I could text between sessions and then she retracted that offer, I would experience extreme distress and feelings of rejection and abandonment. That doesn't make me "bad," it is simply reflective of the very issues that I am seeking help with.

I wish I could magically take away those big feelings that you are experiencing right now @sociallyanxious, but alas I can't. I hope it helps a tinsy tiny bit to know that what you are feeling is totally understandable and that you are not alone in having had this horrible experience of being given support and then having that support taken away. It super sucks.

I super hope you can feel supported here. Forum Land really IS here 24/7. You can reach out for support or advice at any time of the day or night and there will be someone here to hear you.

[patrickT]

Hi @sociallyanxious,

A big part of being a psych is projecting the view that your patients can contact you as frequently as you need but at the same time a number of psychologists get into the field because they experience their own mental illness. What they said may have been a genuine token of goodwill but they are going through a rough period theirself and as much as they genuinely want to help they're struggling a bit with their own problems.

Don't view it as a dismissal, just as a request to give them some space, just as you would with a friend suffering with the same mental illness as you. We must remember that everyone is human and they might be dealing with the same stuff as you, perhaps unable to give genuine advice as they are struggling too.

Give them some time then try to get in contact. 

[sociallyanxious]

Thankyou everyone. That really helped to know im not the only one this has happened to. I guess she is human and can only do what she can do. Everyone needs time outside of work to relax and have a break. It was just hard having extra support then it going back to just one hour session of suppport per week. I guess this forum and helplines are other ways of getting support wjen my anxiety gets overwhelming. Thanks again x

[Former-Member]

Hi @sociallyanxious
How are things going for you this weekend? I have been really busy with my kids but its been nice weather which has helped! Hope you're going ok

[sociallyanxious]

Hi @Former-Member thanks for asking..my weekend has been busy. I am struggling a bit tonight..i don't see my therapist until thursday and feel very worried about work this week. Im doing casual teaching at a preschool where i have worked before and it is a very stressful environment to work in. I don't want to go:( i hope you had an ok weekend lisa.

[Former-Member]

Hi @sociallyanxious ,
sometimes its good tohave a busy weekend.. they go quickly though! I am a teacher 🙂 its school holidays here. It sounds like next week will be challenging! i've always been in awe of kindy/preschool teachers, its go go go all day!