Lived Experience Forum

[shanc]

Like so many of us it's been a tough year. After dealing with the family Xmas I now have the biggest test. This time last year I was pet sitting for my mother figure that I later found out is a dysfunctional relationship.. I spent 3 weeks drinking and rolling into a dark place.. I'm seeing a a new therapist and new pills, along with one pill that I can take if I am about to self harm and melt down.. Tomorrow I start the pet sitting again.. I'm worried

[blithe]

Hi there @shanc,

Hope you're not feeling too nervous about your pet sitting duties this year. It doesn't need to be the same as last year - and it sounds like you're preparing to make sure it won't be. From what I can see in your post, you have two advantages up your sleeve compared to last year - one is that you know you want the experience to be different this year, so you have something to aim for, and two, you are better prepared to cope because you've got the support of a therapist and the medications that help you manage. Good on you for being prepared!

Do you have any plans for pleasant things to do while you're pet sitting, like reading a book or watching a TV series? Can be good to have some nice things planned. Good luck with it!

blithe

[shanc]

Thank you @blithe
I am going to try and do a few days of work over the time. I tend to use alcohol to self medicate and a few months ago was diagnosed with BPD.. So dealing with that and the reasons etc are making things tough.. I drink by myself often to blacking out.. New therapist and a different year.. You are right

[Chris]

Hi shanc

you didn't say what sort of animal, If a dog you could take it for a walk. It would give you some time out, and the exercise would help you feel better.If a cat pick it up and give it a cuddle.soft fur and gentle purring. Very sensory. A walk around the garden (if you have one) can be relaxing, and stop and smell the roses.I hope some of this helps

[chemonro]

Drink lots of water and go for walks. Even just down to the post box and back!

Take positive action and use positive self talk. Reach out for helps and supports. Good work remembering to use this forum. Good luck! 

[shanc]

Thanks. Will keep it in mind. @Chris she is a very cute dog that is happy and cuddly.. Just got to keep it together

[peace]

@shanc stay in touch with us everyday 2 a day if it helps. You are not without people who are more than willing to listen and sympathize. I encourage you to abstain from the grog (if you can) as it does have a tendency to create alsorts of problems which I am sure you are aware of. Even if you don't please do not beat yourself up for it. It is just a coping mechanism. Be kind to you. And be at peace. X

[shanc]

Thanks @peace. I tried to tell my mum a bit of what's happening to which she responded that it's all crap and the people I'm seeing are making me worse.. Plus the mother figure in which I'm house sitting for has her own issues and three teenage children.. So the only support is on here, which is comforting actually because this will be helpful advice. I'm slowly getting over the fact I have zero family support. Thanks everyone

[Ellie]

Hi Shanc. Damn this BPD! Sounds like we're in much the same place right now. Christmas can be a tough event all right, especially when you look back over the years and see how they've always been bad!

Great to hear you're working with a therapist. They do work if you surrender to them and provided they're the right fit, but the trouble with BPD is that it's such a self defeating disorder. It's hard to surrender yourself to a stranger when everyone always leaves. Plus, "this" is all you've ever known. It's awful scary to work towards finding a new you when you have no idea of who the "you" is.

I do the old self medicating thing too, which I did last night while listening to Evanescence. Not a good combination, but that's how I've felt since yesterday. The Christmas thing is over and I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel at all.

As for medication, they do take the edge off certain symptoms of BPD, but they're not the answer long term. I continue to take a mood stabiliser, but my psych doc dumped the anti-depressant. No use taking and AD when your emotions are all over the place. As for the other pill you can take PRN (as required) to avoid self harm, I can guess which it is and possibly the one I'm on. It works too, but leaves me soooo washed out the next day. Not in an entirely unpleasant way, but all I want to do is laze around doing nothing. It really messes me up and I only take it when I really need to. I should have taken one last night before my friend, who I texted, blew me off by texting back and telling me she was too tired to talk right now.

Anyway, happy new year to both of us and everyone on the forum. I can only hope 2015 is better than last year!

Ellie.

[kato]

It is difficult when family just does not understand what we are going through.

on here we are many who understand the trials and tribulations, hang in there and as peace has mentioned, come on here as often as you feel.

you are not alone and you have a safe place 🙂