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Veteran husband struggling to connect

Hi my husband and I have been having alot of struggles over the last 3 months. He had a friend who reminded him of his battle buddies, a relationship that i didn't understand but it was really important to him! Through my own insecurities and jealousness of the time he spent with her I caused drama and she ended the friendship with him. He can't talk about her without breaking down, it breaks my heart! I want so bad to undo what I did.

He spent a month staying at friends and says he wants to find his own space because being around me makes him sad and angry! 

He sleeps in bed with me every night but has told friends he sleeps on the couch...

He has said he doesn't want to fight for our marriage but also that he doesn't see a future without me but also that he is not in the same place as me and doesn't want to work things out atm...

He also says the above situation isnt the reason but hes not giving me a reason...

We have 2 kids and our marriage has been mostly great we have the occasional argument but we've always sorted it and moved forward.

I guess I'm just really confused because there isnt a clear reason as to why he wants out. And it came out of nowhere he never said he was feeling this way.. I see the love in his eyes but it's like he can't or won't let go of the hurt I caused.

I have apologized and told him how bad i feel but it doesn't seem to matter to him.

During his month at friends he took off for a week without warning, he went on a train to Canberra with just the clothes on his back. He visited the war memorial and then came back....Something very out of character for him to just take off...

I have supported him through alot and I won't give up on him or us 

I'm struggling to comprehend what is going on and why it happened so out of the blue... 


Re: Veteran husband struggling to connect

Hi there, it sounds as though your husband needs to speak to a therapist. Is that something which you could encourage him to do? If such a significant decision is to be made by him (and hopefully with you involved) it is best that the decision be made when he well. This maybe a way to encourage him to see someone. I can't speculate on the issue with the friend, but maybe it was a connection based on lived experience in combat and that was a way to deal with some trauma. Don't beat yourself up about that .... it's a fairly natural response. But I think it fairly clear he needs to speak to someone about his trauma. There are a lot more resources for ex soldiers coming on line for this sort of counselling. Cheers Jacob 

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