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Bismuth
Senior Contributor

This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

I recently requested my file to be released to me through Freedom of Information. A lot of stuff happened to me in the mental health system as a teenager I couldn’t explain, and I wanted to see what had happened through the eyes of others, in this case treating doctors and nurses. I almost regret it. I found, among other things, that the reason I had been placed under a section 9 and locked up at age 13 is that a handful of nurses made up a fictitious story about me threatening them with a kitchen implement. Never happened. I had always wondered why they locked me up. Now I know. I also found out that, since my symptoms were slightly hard to explain just by psychosis alone (doctors now think I have autism as well as schizophrenia) my treating doctors advised both my parents and other health professionals to give me “tough love” and basically try and punish me into behaving. I had always wondered why I got treated so harshly as a teenager. Now I know. I found out other horrible things through those notes attained through FOI that I am not ready to share. But really, why did they ever, ever think it was ok to treat a child like this? I am so angry 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

Hey @Bismuth 

I am so sorry that you have been subject to what you were. Good on you for going through Freedom of Information to get your file. It can be a really empowering, though also quite harrowing, thing to have. 

You are certainly not alone in your experiences. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were treated, especially as a child.

Sitting here with you as you process it all, in your own time 💛

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

Hi @Bismuth  Im so very sorry you endured this as a child. So wrong on so many levels. I hope with time and gentleness with yourself, you begin to heal. Sending hugs compassion and strength to you 🙏

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

Hi @Bismuth - that sounds so tough. I can only imaging how confronting all this is to you.

 

I remember someone else on the forums asking for their files and reading the file was VERY difficult for them. I suppose they felt similar to how you are feeling right now. In the end, they decided the best thing was to stop reading them as they were very triggering.

 

Out of curiosity, now that you have read these documents, what would you like to achieve? To you think reading them will help you move forward?

 

Looking to hear from you. I hope you find space to be kind to yourself.

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

@tyme  I would say, to not know why certain bad things happened, to be in the dark, is not better than knowing. Ignorance is not necessarily bliss. Enough stuff was done directly to me and said to my face, I already knew enough things, like the fact the nurses liked to say I “wasn’t worth bothering with”, that it didn’t somehow destroy an illusion I held. In one way it reopened old wounds, but in another, it’s like rebreaking bones that haven’t healed correctly so that they can be set properly.

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

I'm so sorry this has happened to you @Bismuth - You have described it so well in terms of re-braking bones. I guess it's a painful process.

 

Please reach out if you find connecting with people on the forums helps. As I said, I'm here if you need a chat. 

 

You deserve care, love, and healing.

Re: This made me so angry. A story of schizophrenia

@Bismuth 

You must feel the deepest anger and betrayal!

how dare these so called health professionals do these kinds of things.

no wonder patients don’t trust the health system.

I am so sorry! I am agree and outraged with you.

 

your feeling are valid and you absolutely have the right to feel aggrieved that they changed your relationship with your parents!

 

please consider making a submission to the disability royal commission before it closes so that your voice can be heard!

 

 

 

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