Lived Experience Forum

[Jamrock]

Hi Everyone, 

Its fantastic that there are forums available like this and i am glad i found this. I wanted to give a bit of background of what i am going through and find people who have been through it and come out the other end stronger.

On January 7 this year, i had my first panic attack. The week after i spent stressing about having another one, and then it happened (which i now know is common). The day of the second panic attack i could not bring myself down. I went to my doctor and asked for something that could calm me down however he put me on heavier medication. I am not against these meds but i thought it was a bit too soon to put me on them before i had a chance to tackle it in the way i knew how. 

I went on the meds and lasted 2.5 weeks. I have never experienced anything like that before. I couldnt sleep or eat, had severe anxiety and nervous tension and felt out of touch with reality. I am very lucky i have a supportive family and they were extremely worried.

I got off the meds and found mindfulness, meditation, exercise and still kept up with psychologist appointments weekly. I started to feel much better and although i had some bad moments, my days were general okay and i was coping and full of hope and belief.

2 weeks ago i felt another panic attack coming on. I used mindfulness and didnt go into the attack but the panic was there. Ever since then i have had feelings of anxiety, panic and depression everyday. I cry for no reason and feel emotional. I sometimes feel very angry and i generally feel extremely anxious. It has stopped me from doing the things i was doing that helped me previously. I have pushed friends away and it has gotten in the way of my work.

I went back to the doctor yesterday who prescribed me a different kind of medication. I also went to the health food shop who gave me supplements to address any defencies. I started on the vitamins, i am still thinking about the longer term medication. I know this decision must come from me,i am just trying to find the strength to give myself some space from my feelings and emotions to be able to make the best decision possible. It has been extremely difficult and i feel myself spiralling further every day.

Outside of this, i hold a management position in the community services field where i help young people who are struggling, i love soccer and sports and although i have had a somewhat difficult life with some childhood and teen trauma, i always had a positive outlook with everything until 2 weeks ago

[Owlunar]

Hi @Jamrock 

I would like to welcome you to the forum and I am really glad you have reached out for help - it is here - and I have found people really willing to support others through difficult times - they have and are supporting me

I really don't know much about panic attacks but I can imagine that the world can become a very uncertain place at times and this will shake you up - and having had it happen once it seems that it has happened again.

Really - I can't comment on the medication except to give it time - if it was your GP who prescribed it you can ask for a referral to a doctor who knows more about it but GPs have experience in many different areas and know a lot 

However - the most encouraging thing I read in your post is that you had a very positive attitude until all this happened - and this is an unsettling time for everyone in this country - in the world right now - and no wonder a lot of people feel anxious at times - I have had my COVID-19 moments too

Give yourself time - you could try some grounding exercises - I find it hard to explain - someone else might do better - but imagine you are sitting quietly - close your eyes and focus on what you can hear and feel around you. And breathe slowly and gently

That positive outlook will carry you through this and be there on the other side - I am sure of it - so let time pass and know that as unpleasant a panic attack must be - it will pass

And you are most welcome - take a look around the forum esp at the social spaces - where you can relax and get to know people

Dec

[outlander]

hi @Jamrock 

it sounds like youve had quite a tough time lately, well done for reaching out here, your amongst friends here
please feel free to have a look around and join in wherever you like as well as creating a thread for yourself so we can follow along with your journey.
a little forum tip is to put an @ before a members name, this way theyll recieve a notification that your talking to them.

panic attacks and axniety are awful as i experience these myself though i have maanged to control some of them lately. 

Its great you have your gp to speak with, have you considered talking to a psychiatrist as well? they can help better manage medication associated with mental health as thas their speciality. 

are you still able to see your psychologist? it might help to work through some of your triggerrs to help manage your anxiety attacks as well. 

Got a coping strategy that you find good? Share it here 🙂  this thread may be of help for you as well 

[Jamrock]

@outlander @Owlunar 

Thanks guys so much for reaching out and welcoming me onto the forum. I will definitely have a look around and contribute as much as i can

I decided yesterday to give meds a go again, a different one this time. So i will be seeing my gp today to make the start and asking if there is any other meds that can help with side effects in the first few weeks so i have the best chance of success

I had to let go of a new job yesterday, it was an awesome opportunity managing 3 different sites. I was honest with them and they were understanding and asked me to get back in touch when i am feeling better. My current workplace has allowed me time off so i dont have that added stress aswell.

I am just going to trust the process and believe it will help me like it has many people, including 2 members of my immediate family.  Continue seeing the psych @outlander i wanted to see a psychiatrist so i could get it as close to right as possible but the closest appointment i could get is a month away and i dont want to be in this struggle anymore. I just turned 32 last week, i feel like i have completely lost myself, i cant find joy in anything i do and i have been very proactive and tried alot of things over the past 4 months. I just want to get my life back on track. 

I should note i have suffered anxiety my whole life to the point where i was unable to work in my late teens and early twenties but worked through it for 2 years with my psych and was completely free for 10 years. I know what triggered the panic attacks in january but i no longer have the answers for my mood changes and constant anxiety anymore. As soon as i wake up, its there.

Thank you again guys, very appreciative 😊

[Owlunar]

Hi @Jamrock 

You sound more comfortable today - as if you have made some decisions about the best way for you to get back to yourself - a hard journey sometimes

I'm sorry you can't find joy in anything - this sounds depressing - maybe start small with something different - I do think the COVID-19 thing is making it hard for everyone - either the fear of the infection or the restrictions placed on all of us to "flatten the curve" - oh dear - how long can this continue? There are signs it is about to get easier - let's hope so

It's great your employers have given you time off work so you don't have pressure - and that will be there for you when you are feeling better

I wish you the best and so glad you have found us

Dec

[Jamrock]

Thankyou @Owlunar , i just decided enough is enough and if there is something that can help me i am going to do it and give it my best shot. As horrible as i feel, i know deep down i am strong and resilient and have always been. 

The lifestyle we were forced into due to Covid19 has not helped anyone. Its been very important to find things to distract yourself with. I have been doing puzzles and cross words. When i get bored of that i go for a walk or ride my bike for some fresh air or try and watch tv (which is not as easy as it used to be for someone who was obssessed with tv shows). Also have done some boxing sessions with a friend, although i havent been able to do that in a few weeks due to this set back. What have you been doing to pass the time and stay on track?

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Jamrock 

A set-back - that's a good way to look at it - as something temporary your natural strength and resilience will come back - I believe that myself when I have a down-spell.

You seem to be doing your best to overcome everything - daunting at the beginning - however they do suggest the same things that you are already doing to help endure the COVID-19 restrictions - fresh air and exercise, puzzles etc, and I think vetting your TV watching

I have done a huge jigsaw my daughter gave me some time back - I had a beautiful cat who wanted to play with the puzzle herself so I put it away and forgot about it but since the cat has since departed I got the puzzle out and finished it - and it was satisfying and also started vetting what I watched or listened to on TV - when we first had the coronavirus entering our borders I was watching too much TV which is unusual - I think now it was a mind-blast and stopped and now only watch the news for a short while in the morning and then the regular news in the evening and only watch what I normally do which I select and programme in from the guide each morning - I'm a Star Trek fan and always watch Voyager - and would you believe - the border control and aircrash programmes - very little else 

I am preparing balanced meals and getting some exercise - it is certainly good to get out into the fresh air - however I am not sure about today - it is already gloomy

Keep in touch - I find it helps to have on-line contacts - and we are all enduring the lock-down which is forcing us all into an unnatural social condition

It will pass - it won't be forever - I really believe the chances of us all returning to normal in the future are possible - and we can hope for the best

So - I wish you the best as I do for everyone

Dec

This is the jigsaw I still have taking up most of the table in my other front room