Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[ob1]

Thank you for those words. They are a small comfort in what is the bleakest point in my life. I have spoken to my wife today, as I did yesterday, in order to speak to my kids. I told her I have arranged counselling and have an appointment on Wednesday and asked her if she had done the same. Her response was aggressive saying she wasn’t checking up on me so why was I checking up on her and that if the atmosphere when I returned was tense then she would be taking her and the kids away. I didn’t bite, remained calm and just said ok I’m going now and said goodbye before she had chance to try and escalate things.

My poor kids.

[greenpea]

@ob1 I was just checking up to see how you were going and so sorry it is reaching this point. I agree your poor children.  I really feel it is time for lawyers which is a sad state of affairs. You need to know where you stand legally in this. Counselling is a good idea even if you go alone you will gain helpful insight into what you can do next. I really wish you were back in your house as I am worried about the welfare of the children as she doesn't seem to be of sound mind atm. If she does something dangerous re children then she can be sent to a mental health facility without her consent which it sounds is likely sooner rather than later. greenpea

[ob1]

I am going back to family home today. I will be sleeping at the other end of house. The plan is to see how this goes. She isn’t happy about me coming back and initially said she would take kids and move out. She must have told the kids this because she then sent a further text message to say the kids didn’t want that. Further distress for them. 

They are are really excited I’m coming back. I suspect my wife will be looking for a reason to leave at the first opportunity which will mean she’ll be provocative from the get go. I’m going to try and remain calm which is difficult to do with such an unstable individual but my kids are first and foremost in my mind.

she is from the country so her plan which she has stated previously would be to take the kids and return there. I have already been told from a friend who is in family law that she can’t do this. I think that will where things start to get ugly and yet more distress for the kids. They need their Dad. I need to work and financially support them and her moving prevents that.

We will see what transpires I guess. I am optimistic if she recognises she is not thinking straight but if she continues in this way then separation and further distress for the kids is the consequence. It is so unfair for them. I wish there was some other way. 

[greenpea]

@ob1  Wonderful that you are moving back in. You are right your kids need their dad. You are doing everything right trying to defuse the situation by being calm and yes it must be incredibly hard when you are being accused of doing some dreadful things. Have you seen your gp yet regarding your wifes mental health? I still think that is a good idea. Good luck with everything and keep us posted on what transpires.

[Ali11]

Thanks for sharing your experience @ob1, it sounds like you are really going through an extremely confusing and frustrating time. It's great that you are able to see an independent counsellor about what is going on - this should help you mentally. It is hard to support someone who doesn't feel like they need help, however, are you able to chat with your wife's support network about your concerns in her behaviour?