Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Deadrock]

Hello Im new to the fornm.Im a mum of a beautiful 22 year old son.Recently he has lost periods of time and on 2 occassions he has become Zoe.This Zoe is ANGRY and always leaves after saying her piece.My son doesnt remember any of these episodes and become quite upset after he "returns".Does anybody out there have a DID family member.Im feeling like Im losing it.

[Maggie]

@Deadrock@Hi, I don't have a family member but I do have dissociative disorder myself. I've done some research along the way and thought some books might help. Dissociative Identity Disorder sourcebook by Deborah Bray. Does your son have a counsellor, psych or social worker he might be able to talk to? It's a complicated disorder and can be misunderstood even by some professionals. There's a thread on DID here on the forum and some members are talking there. I can't put the forward thing as I don't know how to do it, but it should be easy enough to find. You sound like you love your son and that's so important.

[Janna]

Hi @Deadrock,

I can't say that I have specific experience with true DID, although my son dissociates frequently and has a dissociative disorder as part of C-PTSD and his depression/social anxiety.  Although dissociating is not his primary presenting problem, it is there and results in ill-defined "parts" taking over to deal with different stressors.  He most definitely has child parts which react to triggers and these are generally oppositionally defiant.  Thankfully he also has a very wise part. My son's memory is also extremely affected.  He often does not remember a conversation or situation, even if it only happened yesterday and has no genuine recollection of historical events.  I have witnessed the child part and can see a very clear "juvenile" when this has been triggered.  As part of his therapy for his depression and social anxiety he is doing trauma informed work with parts, and although slow this appears to be having some sort of beneficial effect.  Awareness of parts, their purpose, the triggers, etc. is really important.  My son and I are now in a place where we can both openly talk about these parts.  It's not uncommon for me to say "I can see that you've been triggered and a very defiant young boy is in control" or "Can I talk to the wise part", etc.  By pointing this out to my son he is also becoming aware of his parts and that awareness actually reduces their power and intensity.  DID and dissociative disorders usually arise out of trauma as a means of survival, especially when a child is young and does not have the emotional maturity or skills to deal with adversity.  I'm wondering whether your son has had any adverse experiences in life that would have necessitated "spliting" in order to survive?  Survival does not exclusivly mean "physically" but also "psychologically".  If your son is not in therapy I would highly recommend getting him connected to a trauma informed psychologist who has experience working with parts.  In the meantime please rest assured that you are not losing it.  The human mind has an extraordinary way of coping and it is very adept at creating different "personas", particularly if there is a trauma history.  Try not to be alarmed by "Zoe" but embrace this part and remember that it exists for a very good reason, even if it is an angry part.  Don't be afraid as your fear will flow on to instill more fear in your son.  I am suspecting that some sort of external stressor has triggered this event.  It may be worth chatting with him to see what could be triggering this.  Often it's not the obvious but some emotional event that has triggered something like a fear of abandonment, the feeling of shame or simply not feeling worthy, etc.  Hang in there.  Your son is going through some hard times and needs nurturing adult support.  Also I'd highly recommend getting some psychoeducation on dissociative disorders.  There are some great resources available online.  Stay in touch as I'd love to hear how this progresses.  Hope I've been of some support.

All the best

Janna ❤️ 

[Pebbles]

Hello and welcome to the forum @Deadrock 🙂

Your love for your son radiates through your post, I'm sure you are a great support to him.

I can hear you are questioning a possible diagnosis of DID, I'm wondering if he is linked in with a GP, psychiatrist or therapist? This can be a helpful path to obtain a formal diagnosis.

There is a blog which can be found here on 'busting myths about dissociative identify disorder,' which I wondered if might be of interest to you.

There's also a carers thread on DID which can be found here for further reading.

We hope you feel welcomed and can find helpful information and support from the forum. 

Take care,

Pebbles

[Deadrock]

Thankyou Pebbles. He is booked in to see a psychiatrist at the end of the month. Until then it's a waiting game