Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jbck]

Good morning, as it's a new day I'm hoping my son will have a better day today. He is 3o and has a duel diagnosis with BPD, I feel he is getting worse not better even with intense therapy. Rejection sends him over the edge, being gay with mental health issues seems to scare people away, the pain he displays is so heart wrenching when he just wants to love and be loved. We spent another night keeping him alive and safe, it's becoming more frequent and settling him is becoming more difficult. It leaves a sense of helplessness when we give everything of ourselves to support him. At times mental illness can just be so bloody tough for carers.

[Ashleigh]

@Jbck thinking of you. It is definitely hard to be there for someone consistently and wishing you could just take all their pain away. I hope you are looking after yourself as well. I know it is easier said than done, being a carer is really tough! sending lots of positive thoughts your way

[Pebbles]

Hi @Jbck, welcome to the forums 🙂

I like the sound of your optimistic start to the day. Fresh day with fresh eyes and mindset 🙂

I hear you! You are absolutely right. Supporting loved ones with a mental illness and living with a mental illness are bloody tough. It sounds as though you have insight into what some of your sons struggles are which is great. When you talk about last night and helping your son through the evening, are you talking about suicidal thoughts? Does he have other supports in place also? How do you manage to cope through all this too? 

I've popped a few links down below incase you'd like to enquire further. 

@lovemyboys speaks about supporting her sons here

@Brodie has a very informative post on BPD here

@Exhausted1 talks about her sons here around mental illness

I also wondered if this information from the SANE Australia website could be of interest to you Top Picks BPD and a blog on Could it be BPD.

I'm really glad you have found the forums and hope you can find some suport for yourself here too. 

Take care 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@Jbck It is very difficult loving a son in anguish and pain.

Thinking of you keeping him and  yourself well.

There is a Hot Chocolate thread that we can drop in to. 

[Bluebottles]

I have read your post over and over, I hope and pray things look up just a little for you. I have almost given up praying. My son is 45, we to manage to keep him alive, but it is not really living. No joy nothing but negativity. 

My son will not get help, I wish he would but no. I rang life line, got a chap so rude, told me he was old enough to know when yo get help. So don't ring there any more. He was ten years in an abusive relationship. He us damaged.

I am tired, just so tired. I could just walk off into the bush. But as you say the sun will come out tomorrow and it's a new day, a new start, we pick up and move on once more. 

We have a new challenge thrown into the mix. Our grandson will be living with us. We had him for a few years as a little fellow. His mum suffers from the black dog as well. So poor kid a double whammy. A teenager 24/7 really, I love  him to bits but just but. We will manage, we will do the best we can with what we have. I have no one to discuss this with. Small town. So thankyou for being there. I don't feel so alone.

[jude]

I hear you @Jbck my son also has Bi Polar coupled with a Traumatic Brain Injury last year.  We have waited a long time to see the Dual Diagnosis Specialist - we both went with a list of questions about medications and moving forward - no answers instead we spent the hour going over the history - bringing up trauma - and running out of time the Dual Diagnosis specialists asked me what I think my son needed.  I expressed my opinion he agreed - where to from here.  It's day to day - I too wake every day hoping for the best - I'm over the medical intervention - and now digging deep at finding acceptance of the day to day situation and stop hoping for a normal day.  Accepting whatever is in the day is perhaps normal and we can find a little joy.  Instead of trying to fix I now move moment to moment and accept whatever is in the moment.  If he is pale, grey, and panicked I accept that - give him the meds to calm him and let him be - if he is up and wanting to walk, talk and volunteer at the RSPCA I accept that and get him there.  A complete sacrifice no others understand unless having lived it - but starting to find whatever moments of joy may present in the day to day.  With you in understanding, heart and soul.  Take care. Jude x

[Jbck]

Hi Jude, you are so spot on about being day by day, I also think it's often minute to minute some days when emotions are so disregulated, some times I feel selfish with my thoughts and anger creeps in too, I do know they are all normal emotions but at times I feel so frustrated by the behaviours or lack of. Bottom line is I'll never give up on him, when so many others have, especially some family who sit in judgement with no understanding or empathy of the difficulties he endures daily or what his dad and I go through and sacrifice. It's been and continues to be a huge learning and growth path and am grateful for all I have experienced with him and that he is still alive. He's so awesome in so many ways. I guess when you have a child you don't invisage them living with mental illness and still being so dependent in their adulthood. Could be a hell of a lot worse I tell myself. Jude I hope you get some rest and reach out to let out what you are going through. It's almost spring, days longer and warmer, please take care.

[Former-Member]

hello @Jbck @jude @Bluebottles

just stopping by to say hello and ask how your families are

putting your thoughts down on paper has the same effect as venting verbally

I know that this is not a solution ....it is a form of relieving some of your anguish in the present

if you type @ in front of my name or any other's I will know that you have responded

take care

[Jbck]

Hello mohill,

Putting feelings on paper certainly does help a lot, I do it often, then rip up what I've written, it's quite cleansing.

I have decided today that i am going to make an appointment and speak with my sons therapist, we are feeling at a loss, his behaviours are escelating, rather his emotions, the feelings he has of lonliness and loss and pining for things he doesn't have, so uncontrolable tears, anxiety attacks, and massive mood swings, this is almost daily now and anything seems to trigger him to cry. We have many strategies in place but he seems to be ignoring most of them now and just gets in a state of helplessness, we are tired from the emotional upheavel and trying to keep him calm, he wants what we can't give him, but are always there to help him through to a calmer being. 

He has one therapist that he sees and likes very much but refuses to contemplate other modalities that may help him. Anyway, never say never I guess, I'll have a coffee and get through another day! Most importantly give him love. Hope you have a fantastic day.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Jbck

thank you for responding

It is a great relief for all that your son has one therapist whom he likes and is still seeing.

Is this therapist aware of how extreme and painful conditions are for your son at the moment? I know that we cannot ask for information from their therapists however we can when necessary provide or update feedback on any changes or vital information

Human beings generally will relax more and display more discomfort when with their loved ones feeling that they are in a safe environment.

having a mental illness we can become our own worse enemies at times holding back vital information from our therapists unintentionally...sometimes just experiencing blocking or moving past a certain point in our therapy

I am quite sure that you are already aware of all of this...I am just empathising with you

I know how it feels to be helpless in taking a way the pain from our sons

take care

write when you can