Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @MDT @Owlunar @Molliex @Appleblossom @Gazza75 and others reading this 

how do you gain self confidence? 

my dietitian and psychologist have mentioned that I'm lacking confidence. And this is impacting on my mental health and weight loss and excessive eating disorder.  
My dietitian said I know Whst I need to do - it's just my confidence. 
I have no idea how to self love or be kind to myself. 

So my question to everyone is ..... how do you gain your confidence. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay 

I think self-confidence is something that can build progressively as we experience success from small goals we set, and then work towards larger ones.

I comes too from people we care about letting us know that they appreciate us, not only for what we do for them, but for who we are and how that is special for them.

It can be a good idea to develop this a bit in your family, because it can be easy to focus on things that we would like to see improved, and we can be a bit forgetful about saying thank you, showing appreciation, giving out compliments .....

Here's something you might like to do ..... buy (or make) a card for each member of your family.  Ask everyone to pick a card, and across the week exchange the cards, writing something in each other's cards that shows love and appreciation for that person.  One of those cards will be yours .....

[BlueBay]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope  thanks for your reply. 
I like the card idea but I'm pretty sure my kids will laugh and not do it. 
I think it's great. 
I remember a few years ago while in hodpital I wrote a card out to my hubby, sister and each child. I did a really nice card for my sister with poems.
I cried so much when doing the cards.  Do you know I got no comments. Not even my sister or kids. Oh hubby just said "that's nice"

i don't get "Thsnks for dinner that's nice"

i don't feel loved or appreciated 😢

[Maggie]

@BlueBay  I agree with @Faith-and-Hope  in starting with small things. Though I do struggle to hold on to self confidence, at least momentarily, it can happen. So, though it’s only a moment, that is a huge improvement.

Is there someone who is able to see, and let you know, the good stuff, the you? It has only come from one person for me irl.

For what it’s worth @BlueBay , I see someone kind, caring, talented in lots of ways, someone who goes out of her way for others. I see compassion. And by the way @BlueBay  I have never met you in person. You are a good mother, grandmother, and much more. 💙💙💙

[BlueBay]

Oh @Maggie  thsnk you so much. No one has ever said that to me. 
I have tears just reading what you wrote ❤️❤️

[MDT]

Honestly @BlueBay I do find that basing my confidence in reality it can be quite beneficial.

So usually when i am down and out I find that I need to remind myself of where i was in life not that long ago and the improvements that have been made.

It's not much but I think it can help where it's needed.

[BlueBay]

Thanks @MDT ❤️

[MDT]

Hope it helps @BlueBay

[Faith-and-Hope]

We see you here @BlueBay, and you're a beautiful person ❣️  I feel so sorry for your family that they can't find it in their hearts to show you the appreciation you need and deserve.  I agree so much with @Maggie ..... you are a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother ..... hardworking and caring on every level ....... and you have given so much to raising your family.  It's no small thing ..... it takes loads of love, patience and perseverance to achieve what you have.  You don't have to be perfect (what is that anyway ??!!) you just have to be you, because you are enough.

💙🌷💙🌷💙🌷💙🌷💙

[BlueBay]

Thankyou @Faith-and-Hope 

you are beautiful and kind. ❤️
I hope one day I can have more confidence. 
my confidence has never been there. My mum took that away when I was a child.