Lived Experience Forum

[BPDSurvivor]

How are you @Netty78 ? Thinking of you.

BPDSurvivor

[Netty78]

@BPDSurvivor  Just battling along 😞

[BPDSurvivor]

@Netty78 , That's totally okay to battle along. Although it's tough going, it'll make you a stronger person. I'm with you the whole way. Don't think you are going alone.

The inner man is stronger than you think.

Hugs, BPDSurvivor

[Netty78]

Does anyone on this forum who suffers from BPD have times where you feel like you want to rebel? Not for the sake of braking the law, but because everything has overwhelmed you and you just cannot cope with the lack of help, and to put it quite frankly, you just don't care anymore. It isn't a self harm issue or anything like that, but more of a ' I couldn't care less ' type of feeling, attitude and urge. Sorry in advance to the admins if this isn't worded correctly, but it is what I am going through and is the best way I can put it.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Netty78 ,

That's 100% me. I used to call myself a plain rebel, but now I understand a little more. As someone with BPD, I was angry that people were trying to 'control' me. By diggin my heels in and doing the opposite to what anyone wanted, was my way of 'feeling in control' when everything was out of control.

My emotional state was so unstable that when I 'disagreed' with people, it was my way of taking control. I didn't do it to break the law so to speak - I did it to feel I still had some power over something.

Hope that makes sense. I'm totally understanding you, @Netty78 .

BPDSurvivor

[BlueBay]

Hi @BPDSurvivor @Netty78 

I self sabotage all the time. I don't know Whst people think of me ??  Prob hate me snd it's bad what I do. 

[TideisTurning]

Hi @BlueBay, Uncertainty and self doubt can be really difficult emotions to sit with and I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing these things. I'm sure you're doing the best that you can, as we all are. Please remember that- you're doing the best you can, be kind to yourself and take care. I hope things improve for you soon and in the meantime, sitting here with you as you ride out this wave. 

TideisTurning 🌼

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @BlueBay ,

By reading your posts in Need to vent , I have to say, sometimes it does sound like self-sabotage. (Please don't feel offended by me writing this. If you prefer me to remove this post, I'm also very understanding and willing to remove it).

In terms of people hating you, I'd like to deviate a little and respond by saying understanding people may dislike what you do, but it doesn't mean they hate you. Hate is a very strong word. For example, for me, i may not like some things you do, but I wouldn't go to say I hated you. 

Decent people look through you to find the treasures that hide beneath. These are the strengths we ought to work on rather than focusing on weaknesses. There are pearls waiting to be found in all of us.

BPDSurvivor

[BlueBay]

Thsnks @TideisTurning 
Yeah I'm doing the best but I'm still sabotaging everything. Every single issue of help I get I sabotage it. And it makes me sngry. 

[BlueBay]

I'm not understanding @BPDSurvivor 

what I write in my post - are you saying that what I say is sabotage??? 
I feel judged and I don't understand which part you see as sabotage ????