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Senior Contributor

Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hey. Its been awhile since ive been here but i find myself incredibly alone, distressed and there is no one i can talk to. I did have someone in my life but in March this year he left me. He now has another girlfriend and her kids and he has moved to another state to be with her. I am still incredibly hurt, heartbroken and shocked about it all. I thought we were happy. I thought we would get married, get our own place and maybe (hopefully) have children in the future. I never imagined i would be living my life without him. He was my one and only best friend, my biggest support over the years (especially when I got so mentally ill, he would come to the hospital and take me out.) I really loved him. Since the breakup I have struggled through each week. I have support workers who come everyday except Sunday and they try to get me out and about in the world and engaged in activities and community activities. Ive been really trying to keep the black dog away but the past few weeks espcially I have noticed it more frequently. Also am struggling with SH & SI. I can feel a massive breakdown happening soon and I am SCARED. I don't think its going to be possible to survive this time. I take meds, go to therapy, ive had numerous amounts of ECT in the past but I am completely stuck this time and dont know where to turn. in real life I find talking  incredibly difficult. It doesnt feel like making new friend is even possible when I struggle to just talk to my doctor who Ive been seeing for years.. im not sure how to proceed. I see my psychologist Monday but I'm scared to admit to her whats been happening. I just feel so alone, empty, lost.  Thanks for reading.

7 REPLIES 7
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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hi @STORMGRL101 
Sorry to hear that things are seeming so difficult for you at the moment and that you are feeling so alone. Recoverying from a relationship breakup can be particularly tough when you're not the one who makes the decision to end it! 

It sounds like you've organised lots of professional support for yourself but are craving personal connection – heopefully chatting with people on the forums can help with that. I am going to check in with you via email to make sure that you are managing to keep yourself safe there today when you are struggling with SH and SI. Take care.

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hi @STORMGRL101, welcome back to the forum. I am sorry things have been so tough for you lately  I know how gut wrenching it can feel after a breakup. It's very brave of you to share what you have been through

 

I just wanted to reply briefly now, will. Write more tomorrow of I can.  I would be honest and open with your psychologist, it might help you work through everything in your mind and get it out of your system. 

 

Please take care and try to resist the urge to harm yourself.  Your not alone with this. 

 

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hi @STORMGRL101 ,

 

Just wanted to share this thread that might be helpful.

 

https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Coping-Box/m-p/20101#M949

 

 

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hey there @STORMGRL101 thanks heaps for posting & for being so open, honest and vulnerable with us. When two people leave each other's lives it is hard and painful and a really intense and very real form of grief. I am so sorry that you're experiencing this loss, but hope you know that your intelligence, resilience, insight and compassion is worthy of a love that will commit to you and journey through this life alongside of you. It is okay to grieve what you have lost, but don't let his actions be a reflection of your self-worth Heart Have you got any supports for the self harm and SI? How are you going with managing that?

 

A couple of good books other forum members have mentioned include this one (tacky title but very good) and this one by Brene Brown Heart Hope to see you around the forums some more.

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Hi Stormgrl

I am not familiar with the meanings for SH and SI???

But I am familiar with how you feel. My heart bleeds for you. Have you tried writing about your feelings? I have found writing poems about my thoughts and feelings to be very successful at drawing my true emotions to the forefront, allowing me to heal them. I honestly believe we are more than capable at healing ourselves. Of course we need our medications and professional theraptrists, but I am convinced that we can greatly improve our self-esteem through self-help methods. Try writing a poem about your grief and finish it off with words of relinquishment and freedom for yourself to find another partner in life. I wish I could come visit with you and help you feel self-love and self-compassion, because you deserve it.

With love CK 

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

Thankyou so much for the replies i truely appreciate it, i have read them all.
Its Friday night. I hate weekends and i hate night time. I try to do things like  painting or watching my favourite shows but I just feel so depressed and the tears keep flowing. The thoughts overwhelm me and I just wish it would all go away. At home I hide all my real feelings because I dont want anyone to worry about me. I cant talk to my family about it at all. I have my little dog. He is always by my side. 

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Re: Not sure where to turn, what to do :(

@STORMGRL101, it can be difficult to talk with family  I have that as well. I am glad you have your little dog for company.

 

What kind of paintings do you do?  There is a craft thread that you might like. I can tag you into it or try copy the link here for you. 

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