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14-12-2021 06:10 PM
14-12-2021 06:10 PM
Not sure what to do
2021 has been a tough year (I'm sure it has been for many of us).
My partner appears to have BPD. But, as she feels it is all my fault, she just blames me and wants to punish me whenever she can.
In the past, I escaped to work. I'm now semi-retired and, particularly because of lockdowns, we have been in the same house 24X7.
She's bitter about all the things she's missed out on, but doesn't want to make any decisions to change the situation or address her concerns. She keeps saying she wants her own life, but refuses to agree to sell up and we split.
I can't manage anymore and ignoring it (to wait for her to get better - which she did in the past) hasn't worked this year.
She is now lashing out at our adult children too.
Just have nowhere to turn.
Are there any constructive ideas?
I had planned to wait until after the Christmas family celebration, such that it is, and then move out or run away. But I have cracked and don't like who I am anymore.
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17-01-2022 05:21 PM
17-01-2022 05:21 PM
Re: Not sure what to do
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17-01-2022 09:59 PM
17-01-2022 09:59 PM
Re: Not sure what to do
Sorry you did not get much response til our @Shaz51 saw your post.
I only saw it now, and saddened you were not supported much with it.
Breaking up is hard and often rubs everybody raw in ways never imagined. I hope you and your family got through christmas alright and have managed to get things to a better place.
Find ways to look after yourself.
Take Care
Apple
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20-01-2022 10:45 AM
20-01-2022 10:45 AM
Re: Not sure what to do
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20-01-2022 10:48 AM
20-01-2022 10:48 AM
Re: Not sure what to do
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20-01-2022 03:36 PM
20-01-2022 03:36 PM
Re: Not sure what to do
what has happened @Carlo , here for you if you like to talk about anything
there is always Sane chat line too
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20-01-2022 04:21 PM - edited 20-01-2022 04:29 PM
20-01-2022 04:21 PM - edited 20-01-2022 04:29 PM
Re: Not sure what to do
Thanks for tagging me in here @Shaz51, and I'm glad @Appleblossom was able to stop by with some words of support too @Carlo.
I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through what sounds like a really tough time in your relationship, @Carlo. Have you been able to talk with her partner about how you're feeling? I know that can be quite hard, particularly if someone's window of tolerance is small. In the past I have had a relationship with someone with a formal diagnosis of BPD and I can admit that I struggled with it. In hindsight, a lot of that struggle was my own in accepting their needs around their diagnosis and being able to accommodate them in a way that was respectful of my own. This can be really hard to navigate on your own as it can be quite complex, so with that in mind, my best recommendation is to give a service like Relationships Australia a call.
We also have the SANE help centre who can be contacted Mon-Fri (10am-10pm) on 1800 187 263.
Hang in there, @Carlo and please keep reaching out here if and when you need a bit of extra support.
Rhye ☘️
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25-01-2022 10:46 AM
25-01-2022 10:46 AM
Re: Not sure what to do
Thank you @Rhye @Shaz51 @Appleblossom Appreciate your comments and replies
It has been a long haul.
Unfortunately, my partner hasn't been formally diagnosed. She doesn't believe in counselling and sees it all as my fault.
For a while, I started believe this story and felt guilty that I had caused these problems (and her pain). Now I realise that, while I no doubt contributed (and could have done better), it wasn't my fault.
This is the way she deals with things.
At the moment, she is on a high and very happy.
I remain hopeful and grateful for the joy I have today!
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25-01-2022 12:40 PM
25-01-2022 12:40 PM
Re: Not sure what to do
Separating personal responsibility in intimate relationships is tricky. We can only do our best. After all ... 'to err is human" ...
Protecting oneself from a wall of blame may be needed.
I am finally getting less naive and trusting and hopeful, but sharing on this forum, has shown me many ways that humans ... do their stuff .... helping me work on being oversensitive, and lowering expectations to what people ... are really like ...
Glad you have some good days.