Lived Experience Forum

[Tiffany43]

Hello, first post. I dont know what to write or what to do. Im mid 30s with 2 kids (18, 15). Ive been with my husband since i was 17.  I have rheumatoid arthritis. I had a really bad flare up 3 years ago and im no longer able to work.  I havent recieved an income in 3 years.  I feel worthless and a burden.  Centrelink approved my dsp 2 weeks ago.  And cancelled it 4 days later.  Someone made a mistake and put my husbands earnings as $1.84 a year.  He works 60+ hours a week. That was an horrific blow and ridiculously cruel. 

He has 3 weeks off over xmas where he doesnt get paid.  We have no savings. 

My medications were interacting with each other and making me very ill.  Ive lost alot of weight in an unhealthy way. Ive stopped taking the worst of the medication. 

My moods and emotions are uncontrollable. I make a nest in my bathroom most days, just to reduce the size of my world when its too overwhelming. I have suffered with ptsd and mental illness my whole life, i have had bpd thrown around a little lately.  I have no money to seek therapy. I feel like im tearing my family apart and i just cant get up.  My head is a mess. The negative thoughts are excruciating.  

I think thats all the courage i have today, i even want to delete all of this, so im not going to read it. Just hit post.

Thank you.  

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Tiffany43 

Are you still here?  It sounds like your family is at an amazing time but difficult time.  You kids are hitting milestone ages, and your husband sounds like he has a terrific amount of work to keep him busy.  

Is an income what you feel would give you worth or is it the financial struggles that you feel are your greatest burden right now?  Is your financial issues a family thing, or do you do your finances independently and it is only you who is struggling?

I hope to hear back from you soon, please fly out of the nest long enough to reply. 🙂

[cloudcore]

Hi @Tiffany43 ,

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through, it sounds like it has been a really awful, scary and overwhelming time. I can see that you are looking for support, and are not in a financial position to seek therapy- please know that SANE has counsellors and peer support workers you can call or webchat for free. It's so important that you don't feel alone during this time

Your courage in speaking about all of this is really admirable, I hope you find a supportive community here.

from cloudcore

[Tiffany43]

Thank you @AussieRecharger @cloudcore.  it is incredibly scary and overwhelming. We do our finances together.  Being able to contribute and know that im helping to move my family forward would boost my confidence and self esteem. Taking some of the stress off my husband so he doesnt have to work such long hours.  Finances arent the only issues. My husband and i are on a knives edges, my kids dont get along with their dad, my father in law lives in my granny flat and is horrible, i have stopped talking to my best friend for now until i can set up proper boundaries, covid and the mandates are terrifying,  im immuno compromised.  

Finances are the most immediate and tangible thing i can work on. All the rest hopefully will be easier to handle when i can get bills paid. 

Im going to try to tune into the negativity bias chat on thursday. The toxic chatter in my head hurts. Dumping it on my husband all the time is straining everything and it makes me so tired. 

Thank you for the support, i will be checking back in tonight. 

[pinklollipop15]

Hi @Tiffany43 

Welcome to the forums. 

I think you have great courage in writing this post and reaching out for support. I'm sorry to read of your situation. I saw in the later posts that you have a clear focus and goals to move forward - focus on the finances. I think that is great. Can I suggest to go easy on yourself and take it a moment a time. I am here for you and hope to see you on the forums again soon. 

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Tiffany43 ,

Do you feel safe with yourself?  It's feel like a horrible question to ask but when you mentioned that you feel you have lost weight in an unhealthy way, do you feel you are able to work with this to make sure you are healthy, have the energy to fight the pain and keep moving forward?

Have you had a look at financial counselling or gone to your local library to borrow a copy of the barefoot investor?  What are your organisational strengths like, they must be pretty good to wrangle 2 teenagers :)?  Is doing up a small plan a way to make you feel good and motivated and not a burden?  

Can i introduce you to a channel such as family finance to give you budgeting and strategy ideas? 

[Tiffany43]

I feel so strange. I have been on support forums before and have never been noticed. Its been awhile since i even thought of trying. This morning i felt desperate and lost and had trouble leaving my nest. 

Thank you. I appreciate you all. Im still scared and lost, the desperation has lifted. 

@AussieRecharger you are amazing, im a researcher. I research everything, my problem is i get stuck down dead ends. In the morning i will be looking into everything you have mentioned.  I think if i can manage the money, i will feel less of a burden.  As you reminded me, i raised my kids.  My daughter is incredible and my son amazes me everyday. I am terrified of this feeling, it usually only lasts a few days then i plummet downwards over something really small. I dont feel safe with myself, i have trouble caring for myself, i have alot of dental work to get done, probably false teeth at this point. If i can take it step by step, not become impatient and meltdown, (sigh) it seems unobtainable.  

By this point im usually apologizing for taking up space, so before that happens, 

Thank you everyone, i will be back in the morning. 

@pinklollipop15 💜 @cloudcore ❤ @AussieRecharger 💗

[HenryX]

Hello @Tiffany43 , @pinklollipop15 , @AussieRecharger  and @cloudcore 

It is nearly 10.30 pm where I am, in what is referred to as the Mid-West of WA.

{Mid West Region in Western Australia

The Mid West region is one of the nine regions of Western Australia. It is a sparsely populated region extending from the west coast of Western Australia, about 200 kilometres north and south of its administrative centre of Geraldton and inland to 450 kilometres east of Wiluna in the Gibson Desert.}

To let people know your time region Tiffany, would you mind letting us know in which state you live. The time here is up to 3 hours different to some other places in Australia, where it might be nearly 1.30 am now.

As you talk more with people on the forum, you will become more familiar with "getting around" here. If you have any questions, please do ask, someone will be pleased to assist.

I really hope that you will soon feel comfortable here and get to know other threads. There are more social chat threads and other threads that relate more closely to the various issues that members face, where they share ideas about their particular circumstances and how they deal with them.

I am just about to go to bed. I hope to be able to correspond with you again soon.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[AussieRecharger]

How did you go today @Tiffany43 ?

[Tiffany43]

Hello everyone,  @AussieRecharger @HenryX @pinklollipop15 @cloudcore 

Sorry i was awol yesterday. Not coping. 

It wasnt a really bad day, i was just very sad and couldnt get going.

I kept coming to comment and just couldnt. 

I have tropical plants, a few quite expensive ones ive managed to propagate and can sell for a couple of hundred each in around month and i havent been looking after them properly and they got a pest that could destroy them and lower the sale price. If i had been vigilant i could have prevented it. I got into plants to help my mental health and due to my mh, they could all die. 

My daughter graduates today.  Im going in to clap with all the other parents as they leave school for the last time.  I was pregnant with her when i graduated.  My feelings are so confused.  Im so incredibly proud and so incredibly jeolous.  

And i dont even know what to wear because my clothes dont fit me anymore. 

Today will be a tough one and i wont have my nest as i will be out of the house. 

Today my goal is to reach out here when it gets tough, thank you for being here so i can.