Hi @Musiclover @WT28 !
A huge welcome to the forums. Here you will definitely find like-minded people. People who are real. People who have lived through or are living through what you are currently contending with - it does not sound like a pleasant experience to feel alone, isolated and without direction, but there is hope. Just as a stormy dark cloud lifts (such as our current Melbourne weather), these clouds of depression will also lift.
In terms of feeling alone, it is so good that you are able to reach out. Having been diagnosed with BPD, I always felt empty and alone. I envied those who had moved on in life while I was still 'stuck' - not knowing where to go and what to do; petrified of relationships; afraid of stuffing up; anxious about hurting people. The more I envied the life of these people, the more depressed I felt. Despite having people around me, I was alone. Over the years, I've learnt to accept who I am. I've learnt not to live in the past and all my failures, nor live in the future and all the anxiety it brings. I've learnt to live TODAY - in the NOW. I can't make a difference to the past, nor change what the future holds, but I have full control of NOW. I can practise the skills I have been taught through all my therapy sessions. I can tick off tasks from my list of things to do today. I can try reach out to others (such like what you have done). I want to make a difference to people's life.
Have you read the book or seen the clip by the World Health Organization, 'I had a black dog'? Here is the link :
https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc
It totally captures life for many... that black dog just overtakes and grows.
@Musiclover , I'm sorry you are finding things difficult at the moment. I'm glad you know that you know music helps you. What are some other things you find soothing? When I'm in distress, I like to hide under my weighted blanket. I feel protected and secure. Otherwise, if I am able, I go for a run outside to get my blood going. As a support worker, as much as you don't find the work fulfilling, do you enjoying being with people? I work in the education industry, and thrive on working with children and families. It keeps me going to the point that I'm happy to be alone at the end of each day.
@WT28 , I've been diagnosed with BPD for over 15 years. Although struggles come with it, I am so glad I have BPD. I have learnt so much on my BPD journey. I've have learnt so much about myself and others. I would not be the person I am today, nor be able to help the people I do if it wasn't for BPD. I see BPD as a challenge to embrace. You can really do so much with it. Relationships are tricky, but defintely not impossible. It is about reaching out of your comfort zone and trying something new. I'm happy to speak into this space if you have any questions.
Hope to hear from you all soon!
BPDSurvivor
Thanks for tagging me @Shaz51 !
