Carers Forum

[charlie10]

hi everyone I'm a wife of 33years to a man I've known for a very long time he has a mental illness that is ptsd its not funny but sometimes I wonder can I cry or laugh with all the stress I feel the sadness of seeing an active person change and to try and understand everything that has happened to him its not just one thing its several incidents he gets a lot of help thank god but I feel I can't help him sometimes I feel that I can't say the right things sometimes does anyone feel this way and what do you do when you have these days of helplessness 

[Darcy]

Hi @charlie10

Feeling helpless is something I reckon most of us carers are all too familiar with as is feeling as though we don't say anything right  😬 .

Doing something that will contribute to meeting our own needs can help with this.  Having a bit of a dummy spit here on the forum is often helpful too. I personally aim for the laugh option after a lot of tears. 

You mention your husband has support - do you have any for yourself? Getting support for ourselves can make a huge difference.

I will tag you in some threads so you can 'meet' some other carers.  We have a few social threads where lighthearted chatter with other knowing others can help distract. Have you any hobbies or interests?

Darcy

PS There are a few of us here who care for our long term partners.

[Appleblossom]

@charlie10 Hi

Sometimes laughter feels wrong when the chips are down. A lot depends on the overall relationship.  I could not laugh for many years after I experienced a lot of grief, though I am over that now.  I did know a lady who cared for her blind husband ... and she admitted to a lot of frustration and a dark sense of humour, as when she was cranky with him, she would move the furniture in the house.  

My thought would be to try and cultivate the mutually humourous moments ... and build on that ... if possible ...

The hot choc thread has been great to just connect with others.

Take Some Care of YOU.

[Darcy]

Oh I do hope that my post has not come across as sounding heartless  @charlie10 and @Appleblossom.

I use humour to help destress, as mentioned there have been many tears ...

[charlie10]

not a problem I have a big sense of humor and also can be sarcastic so no you were not heartless

[Darcy]

How are you going @charlie10

[charlie10]

I have my moments but today is a good day

[charlie10]

is it wrong not telling our adult children re my husbands condition he doesn't want them to know and I have accepted his wishes I know one of my children has noticed the difference in him when they have been alone together suggestions would be good 

[Darcy]

Is your husband secretive about any other medical conditions that he has @charlie10 or just this one?

Self stigma has been an issue for my husband @charlie10.  

Like other medical conditions, there can be genetic predisposition, one article I read about bipolar described this as more in keeping with type 2 diabetes rather than a gene for Huntingtons. 

It can be helpful for family to know of mental health issues so they can respond appropriately as this can make a huge difference in recovery. 

Having things like Movember could be an opportunity for one of your children to raise the question  of "any family history" direct with their father or even use this to ask if anything is up as they have noticed he is not travelling well etc. 

I sometimes wonder if we should be a little more open to telling Mr Darcy's family about his diagnosis. After his father died I found he was being treated for a mood disorder and was quite upset that he had lied to me and not told me about this on direct questioning as to any family history as it may have been helpful for the pdocs to know this when Mr D went into crisis. Mr Darcy's deceased uncle clearly had a diagnosis of some sort but his father had no idea what his health issues were either.

https://www.genomeweb.com/genetic-research/genetic-evidence-indicates-post-traumatic-stress-disorder...

[Shaz51]

is it wrong not telling our adult children re my husbands condition he doesn't want them to know and I have accepted his wishes--- @charlie10  , I do  this too , I have 4 adults step children who don`t know  all about his conditions

how is your children`s relationship with their dad

I know one of my children has noticed the difference in him when they have been alone together -- can your child freely ask their dad anything like " are you ok dad" or " what`s up "

here for you , how are you today

[Shaz51]

is it wrong not telling our adult children re my husbands condition he doesn't want them to know and I have accepted his wishes--- @charlie10  , I do  this too , I have 4 adults step children who don`t know  all about his conditions

how is your children`s relationship with their dad

I know one of my children has noticed the difference in him when they have been alone together -- can your child freely ask their dad anything like " are you ok dad" or " what`s up "

here for you , how are you today