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Dove73
Casual Contributor

New to BPD and PTSD

Hi,

this is the first time here and not to offend anyone I really wish I didn’t have to. My wife whom I married last year has a history of complex trauma resulting in BPD and PTSD.

in the time we have been together as friends as well I have only seen an episode early this year but we work and live rural so we got through but last week after an ongoing trauma she was taken to hospital after I had observed mania etc for some weeks. Fortunately we were in the city but it has meant that I have not been able to return to work because of the distance and my daughter is currently in school up there. We both work together so it’s been really difficult. So right now I’m in limbo supporting my wife, making arrangements for my daughter who I’m also in a custody battle with and figuring out how I can get a job in the city after getting my dream job rural. I feel isolated even in the city and although our friends are supportive they are not here at 1am when we are going around the house locking us in so no one can get us or at 4am when I get woken up suddenly to attend to whatever is happening for my wife at the time. People say that I should take a break but that’s easier said than done when it’s someone you love. Right now I feel like I suddenly lost my best friend and I look at photos from only a few months ago and wish we were in that space again. I was at the shops before and started crying at the checkout. I’m scared that we won’t get back to where we were before and as this all started I had only just been diagnosed with PTSD and childhood trauma myself and I’ve not been able to even think about that. I’m just feeling alone and sad. We do have a community around us but the focus is predominantly on my wife as I understand. When I look at her right now I search for that friend I married and often she’s not there, her eyes change. She gets angry at things that she never used to and so I find myself just trying to make everything calm and if we are out I get anxious if I can see triggers because I don’t know what’s next. It’s still very early..like 4 days into medication so I know it’s early but right now I just feel sad. Sorry for such a long post, there are a lot of complexities to what is happening on top of all this for us so need to start somewhere because right now I just don’t know what to do. Thanks Dove73 😢

11 REPLIES 11

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

Hi @Dove73. I'm new to this forum too and have a loved one with BPD. I really empathise with you on how hard it is. Going through cycles and episodes with her have led me to crying in the car as you have at the checkout. Very hard to not be anxious, I understand the unpredictability there.
Could I ask if shes in therapy mate?

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

Hi Beekind

Thankyou so much for replying. At the moment she has a psychologist and getting a psychiatrist. She has been in therapy and does well with following what she is asked to do which is good. 

She is actually very proactive with her health so that is a relief. 

At the moment we are just waiting for the medicine to work in her body and getting the right dose, they were going to do that in hospital but decided she was safe enough to go home and I help monitor any changes. It’s day 4 now and I am seeing some changes, today has probably been the best one in months. What I find hard is the unpredictability of it and what I wake up to the next day. Normally by the evening when she is tired because sleep has been a huge issue she is not doing well but today she has got through the day. My anxiety and my own PTSD is triggered as well because I grew up with this with my Mum and she hasn’t ever dealt with it aside from drugs and alcohol. So it’s been hard not having my family to turn too but my wife’s children have been amazing. I find that when we have people over like we have tonight whobis a close friend of my wife’s it helps me too because one of the things is the constant talking and often about the same things which is exhausting. Today I can see some of my wife again which has been so nice. I just find holding myself for the next trigger exhausting. It’s just so helpful to be able to talk to someone here who understands and is not connected. I really appreciate it.

 

😊 Dove73

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

No advice to offer @Dove73 but sending you love and support. Sounds like you're doing the best you can in a challenging situation, and while life may never be perfect, things will get better as the medicine starts doing it's thing and you begin to develop strategies for those potential triggers in public places Heart

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

That sounds encouraging @Dove73. I hope you and your wife are able to remain hopeful about the medication. 

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

How are you doing @Dove73? How has your weekend been? 

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

Hi Ali11,

 

sorry i I haven’t responded to you, life has been like a roller coaster.

Its been pretty bad lately as my wife and I are under very stressful with our work at the moment and that has triggered my wife.

Last night she walked off in anger and I ended up going and looking for her because I was worried as there is a history of suicidal ideation with a plan recently. After 3 and a half hours she came home but was so angry because I. Had sought help from mutual friends and 2 were in the house and she thinks I over reacted because she had gone over to a neighbors house which she hasn’t done before.

she is swinging between being ok and then angry.

She wasn’t like this for the first 15mths of our relationship at all. In fact we had an incredibly good relationship. Since a work accident has triggered her mental health since then life has been unpredictable. 

My fear at the moment is losing my best friend and wife to this, both physically and emotionally. When she is in a good place she tells me that I have copped the brunt of it and tells people how good I am but when things are bad all of that goes away.

i can see the person I married underneath all of this but just don’t know how to manage these times. She wants me to just listen and I usually do and sometimes it’s so she can tell me how she’s feeling but if I try to respond she says I’m not listening.

Is there any information around aside from what’s on this site? Just feeling sad at the moment for what we have as a couple being destroyed by this. There is currently a question that she has BPD as she has not been formally diagnosed but she has the behaviours. We thought it was a byproduct of Complex PTSD but now wondering if that’s not the case. She’s proactive in her mental health but right now can not access her Psychologist until September and so is just running on medication. I don’t know what to do?

Thanks so much

Dove73

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

hello @Dove73  saw you on the forum yesterday and wondering how you are going my friend 

HeartHeart

Hello @Beekind@BPDSurvivor@Determined@Sans911@outlander , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope 

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

hello @Dove73 and welcome
I also have BPD and PTSD and am happy to chat anytime that you need

Re: New to BPD and PTSD

@Dove73  thinking of you as you navigate this difficult time and trust you and your wife can find the support you need 🙏

We have not had to deal with psychosis but my wife (who lives with bpd) has spent considerable time in a mental health ward and said terrible things about me ☹

You can find some of our story here and here that may be of use to you. 

Happy to answer any questions or just to listen. 

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