Lived Experience Forum

[Amber8]

Hi I'm a new member

Joined up to try and educate myself more with the hope that it could try help me have a better understanding of myself and why I act the way I do.

I was diagnosed with OCD and depression in my teens but I've always been convinced that I and have borderline personality disorder.

I'm now in my late 20's I've decided that it's got to a point where I need professional help again because it's got a lot worse over the last few years and it greatly interferes in my relationships and day to day life and my coping mechanisms no longer seen to help anymore.

[oceangirl]

Hi @Amber8 

Welcome to the forum!!

I just wanted to write and welcome you since I saw your message but I am almost ready to go to bed so I will keep the message short.

Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and history with us. I think its great that you realize you need some help and support and I would encourage you to seek some professional help. And to find someone you are able to connect with and help you understand more about yourself.

I can say your history does resonate with me, and I think when you open up here, it will give you an opportunity to connect with others, and the best way I have learnt about myself, has been through feedback from others, and that might help you understand more about yourself, and with others sharing things about themselves, we are able to see those things in ourselves.

I truly hope you find someone to help you so that you find some new strategies to help you cope better and improve your relationships and quality of life.

[Former-Member]

@Amber8, welcome here, hope you connect and make some friends as I have. Sorry to hear you think you've declined a bit lately, which I must add, happens a lot for people in their late 20s when we kinda have a grip on how to play this 'game of life' so we tend start thinking a little more deeply as to the 'why's & wherefores' of it all (purpose and what you really want...). So I'm glad to hear you are insightful enough to reach out - have a few sessions with a psychologist that fits, and coming onto the forums here. Also, Read a lot too, the 'factsheets' on this sight are good but personally I have gained much insight reading online quotescand books from the likes of Louise Hay, Russ Harris, ZigZigler, Dr Phil, Buddha, Claud Townsend, Eckart Tolle, Holy Bible... there's so much help these days - keep at it as it really is a lifetime process. The secret is to tap into the coping from within - mindfulness and self-compassion have helped me more than anything in this regard. TaiChi has been good too.

I'm curious why you think you have BPD? (Are you highly emotional? needy? self destructive? Self harm? Reckless? poor relationships? angry? suicidal thoughts? unfavourable childhood?), its a stigmatised diagnosis so don't rush to get the label (they put it on me in my 20s). Complex PTSD is a more helpful pathway to getting help, but again we have to have medico backup - have you found a good GP for consistency?
Anyway, I wish you well, just wanna say hi, wrlcome, you're not alone & keep posting. Make some friends here, take your time & above all - be kind to yourself. Will check in on you later xox

[Amber8]

Thanks for your welcoming ☺

Tawney- So when I was in my teens after reading about BPD I was convinced that it sounded like me but back then psychologist said no but did say that I have abandonment issues due to childhood, then many years later my sister was diagnosed with BPD.

To answer your questions about BPD yes i am highly emotional, used to self harm but haven't for 3 years now but the thought is still there, in relationships I'm extremely needy and jealous and can't cope with them having friends or anyone other than me. In my relationships and friendships I can't be close to anyone one for very long. One minute I love them and very full on with them then next minute I see all their faults and don't want anything to do with them. It's so confusing for others and for me. I found a checklist and thought I had majority of them except for anger I'm not aggressive.

[Sahara]

Hi @Amber8, 

and welcome. I think getting a diagnosis of BPD can be a bit tricky, as many people have borderline traits without actually 'qualifying' for the disorder itself. 

It might be more helpful to think of each problem or symptom you have and work on that particular problem with a professional, rather than worrying about a diagnosis. For example, if you know that you have abandonment issues, then work on exploring those and coming up with some strategies that you can use in your personal life when something goes wrong. 

When I was in my 20's, I too felt like I had a few borderline traits, but I never told anyone about them. They were obvious to me, but I was successful at hiding them from others. I only discovered my BPD traits because we touched on BPD in a course I was studying at that time. 

Years later, I suffered major depression, panic attacks, generalized anxiety and possibly some mild depressive psychosis.  I didn't receive a formal diagnosis, even though I saw a psychiatrist regularly. I never asked her what my diagnosis was; we just talked about my various issues. 

Are you seeing a therapist now for treatment? It might be helpful to go over all this with a professional. I would definitely mention that your sister has BPD, as it could be relevant. 

Let us know how you go.