Hello Tatsinda,
My first contribution on here so let's see how I go!
Something I often lost sight of is that we are carers, and that makes us feel frustrated and helpless at times. And it's okay, and perfectly understandable, to feel that way.
It's important to understand your loved one, and have empathy for them also. It sounds like he is having a rough time too, and I know it's easier said than done, if you can pause and think about how you react to something, you can make the best decision. You could follow him after he slams a door, and yell at him about his behaviour. You could ignore him and hope he cools down, and go on about your business with the kids. Or you could go into the bedroom, and give him a hug or a kiss, and not say anything.
I guess it's important to remember he doesn't want to act like that, he'd rather not be feeling so overwhelmed that he slams things down or shuts doors loudly.
It's a definite positive that he has started exercising. And even if it is a stroll, spending some alone time with one of your children would be therapeutic for the mind, if not doing much for his fitness physically. Have you told him you've noticed he's making an effort and thanked him? Some gentle positive reinforcement may encourage him to go more often, or add in some jogging.
I know this sounds all about him, and in some ways when he is in this frame of mind, it has to be. Choose your moments to discuss things of importance. If he's had a good say, or you're watching a funny TV show, or you've had some quality time together.. He is more likely to positively responding and having empathy for how you're feeling. The sad truth is that when he is really down, he probably won't be capable of showing empathy or understanding consequences of his actions on you or the kids.
Finally, your own health is important, and you're more likely to respond with compassion and empathy if you're in a better frame of mind. Support groups, online forums, sometimes even blogging anonymously can be great ways of getting things off your chest, knowing you're not alone, seeking advice.. Thats much more beneficial for you and your relationship.
My ex has BPD and depression, and I know it can take a huge toll on us as carers too. It's not easy. Look after yourself, try to remember why you love this person, and have some understanding of what he is feeling.. Know you can't change him. Control the controllable, which is your reactions, your boundaries, and your part in the relationship. It's important to direct your energy to where you can effect change! I hope this has helped, remember you're doing a great job under tough circumstances - keep up the good work 🙂
