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ALB
Casual Contributor

Need Help.

New mum of 2 here of a 15mo and a 10wo. I'm finding things so hard even worse when my partner only helps when it's on his terms and when he feels like it. I also have found I'm getting soooo angry and just screaming at the kids 😞 also having nightmares of childhood trauma. I talked to my gp at my 6 week check up but they said its probably just covid making me feel down. And it's not. Now im too scared to actually go back and try and them to refer me to someone. I need help but it's like no one is helping. 

12 REPLIES 12
Gwynn
Senior Contributor

Re: Need Help.

Have you contacted PANDA? ( https://www.panda.org.au/ ). They specialise in perinatal issues.
ALB
Casual Contributor

Re: Need Help.

Yes i have, i sent through my checklist and requested a call back Thursday. But still nothing.

Re: Need Help.

Good morning @ALB and welcome to the SANE forums Smiley Happy

 

It sounds like you have your hands full at the moment and are not feeling well supported. You seem to have good awareness around how you are feeling in that its more than just COVID-19. Hopefully your GP will be responsive if you ask for a referral to a psychologist, if not, I wonder whether you could try a different GP?

 

@Gwynn's suggestion of PANDA is a good idea too Smiley Happy

 

 

ALB
Casual Contributor

Re: Need Help.

Thankyou. Im trying again on Tuesday and i hope they listen to me this time.

Re: Need Help.

hi @ALB and welcome
it sounds really tough for you atm. im sorry to hear that panda hasn't been in contact and your gp hasn't been helpful at all.

would you consider speaking to another gp and asking for a mental health care plan?

Have you heard of the Blue Knot foundation?
https://www.blueknot.org.au/

this foundation is for those who have also experienced childhood trauma and offers counselling online as well. perhaps chatting to them as well might help you as well?


@CheerBear @utopia @Former-Member @saltandpepper @Blep I wonder If you guys could offer some support here?

Re: Need Help.

Hi need help. I know what you feel like, I only have to close my eyes and I am back to being a new mum again, tired, emotional, angry, frustrated... did I mention tired. Bone tired and exhausted! It’s a tough gig. For those who admit it and those who don’t it’s really really hard. If you told me when I was at my most lowest that one day I would feel so much better, rested and in control again I would not have believed you. But with some good help things do get better. But like anything you want bad enough you have to make that happen. The good news is you have already started. You have reached out on this forum, you have seen a doctor ( but I’d suggest a new one, Covid the least of your concerns), and there is a lot more good supports that can help. For me setting up a support network of people to call me, psychology, parenting help from childcare nurses (they actually came to my house because I had PND ), some in home childcare, and some medication. None of this happened overnight but I got through. I also joined up with a local support group for mums with PND. It helped sooo much to talk with others. My boys are nearly 10 and 13. Life’s been full of fun and craziness and drama but we have made and you will too.
Don’t stress if you can’t get on top of your feelings quickly. It will take a while and that’s a bit hard to hear but it’s a journey. Be patient and kind to yourself because I’m sure you are doing the best you possibly can. Us mums always do.😊

Re: Need Help.

Hey @ALB cheers for the tag @outlander 

 

Sounds like there's a hell of a lot going on for you at the moment ALB, I'm sorry you're struggling.

 

I can relate to a lot of your post, I hope I can be of some help. After my son arrived, I too struggled with past childhood trauma. I think it's a fairly common occurrence, the arrival of our children send us back and we reflect on our own childhood.

 

Is your childhood trauma something you have discussed or dealt with at all before? Does your partner know anything about it? Regardless of whether they're aware of it or not, they are most likely not thinking clearly right now either and need some reminders. Communication is something I've always struggled with, and on occasion I resorted to writing a letter to my partner to communicate my needs and how I was struggling. Anger got in the way far too often for me to have a rational conversation about anything. Writing is easier. If taking to your partner hasn't worked, perhaps this could be something to try?

 

I too struggled to get my GP to hear me when I said I needed help. They seemed to have their own idea of what was wrong and who I needed to see to get help. They didn't listen, and it's hard to sit there and say it all out loud. I too had many unsuccessful GP appointments until I decided that was enough. I went home and started researching psychologists in my area who deal with trauma. I found one who sounded ideal--and I think this is important to stress, you need to see the right psychologist, ideally one who is trained to deal in trauma, or even better, complext trauma. I went back to my GP and just straight up told her this is the guy I wanted to see. She still had her own ideas about who I needed to see and what was wrong (I'm not sure I managed to say I was struggling with childhood trauma) but I put my foot down and said I wanted to see this guy, I was comfortable with seeing him. She was happy enough that I'd found someone who I was comfortable to see, she thought that was important and I guess it was enough for her to send on a referral. When she wrote out the mental health plan it had a bunch of shit on there that I didn't actually need help with but I didn't care, when I saw the psychologist he and I were able to talk about why I needed his help.

 

GPs are useless sometimes and they really don't listen. TELL them what you need, and if you get time before your app research trauma based psychologists in your area.

 

Have you thought about going on medication? I've been on and off antidepressants for most of my life really, but I think in conjunction with therapy, they seem to help me manage.

 

Just know we've all been here, we've all been in that place where it seems impossible for things to turn around. It's a hectic bloody time for you, but it won't be like this forever. Try to get some lines of communication open with your partner and remember their brain is probably not functioning at 100% right now. Remember you're both on the same team and you both love each other. It's tough right now, but until you can get a psych lined up there are forums around just like this for you to get support from.

 

If you know of any other Mum's out there, even if they're only an acquaintance, try reaching out to them. New parents are always pretty happy to help other new parents out. We're all in it together. Maybe there are Mum groups on FB? But honestly, just send out some messages to the Mum's you know, I'm sure they'll be happy to offer an ear and their support.

 

Wishing you all the best ALB.

ALB
Casual Contributor

Re: Need Help.

Thank you very much everyone for all your kind words and suggestions. I decided yesterday after another terrible day i needed help now. So I'm booked in today to a GP and I'm telling them i NEED and WANT help. 

Re: Need Help.

Im really glad youve reached out for more help @ALB i hope the gp is more helpful today
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