Our stories
Hi all I havent felt like posting since the last post due to my being extremely upset at the loss of photos and messages on my phone,that incident tipped me over the edge after everything else thats happend during this year,Ill try to explain ever since the lost photos incident Ive been overwhelmed almost grieving as silly as that may sound the last few days have not been good in terms of my behaviour ,thinking and emotional reaction to just everything,I was angry,then crying then talking about it to anyone in family who would listen,at times depressed and not thinking in good ways about myself,I keep reacting and overreacting openly,have been very clingy and literally needing so much support and reasurance both practically and emotionally,been telling family openly how I feel as if theres nearly no filter,having the constant need to talk everything through with anyone in my family who will listen but at the same time Ive been acting out my emotional reactions to things that have happend,my family are supporting me despite all that Ive said and despite how Im behaving towards them,im lucky they dont decide to up and leave as many times lately Ive openly stated to them what I exactly need in that particular momment and shoved aside my shame or pride to ask for their help which thats what is is I need there help and will need there help to get through all these crappy thoughts and feelings,its felt to myself as though Im having adult sized tantrums which I dont like as Im an adult but lately Ive been acting babyish,honking my car car horn at relatives houses to get their attention because sometimes I dont want to use words or literally dont even know myself whats been going on,Ive talked to lifeline as yesterday to be honest I was feeling not safe on my own and as for my concentration skills its been hard to just function with the everyday tasks even,like my brain wants to shut itself down,my driving of my car in the last few days has probly been the most eractic ive been ,hitting curbs,not parking straight,taking more risks with traffic lights,driving fast,yesterday I literally took off for a drive by myself,asked people for prayer,felt anxcious about christmas too,yelling at family members who are supporting meIm lucky to have them not leave me after that,family members cleaned my house cause I just couldnt mange all this,Im dealing with my feelings sometimes not in thee best of ways but it will take a little time to work through,lacking motivation which is annoying but somehow my family still loves me and reasures me,theyve really empathised,some listened some cleaned,some still stayed on the phone with me as a support for a serious matter despite my yelling at them,this is not usually how I behave towards family at all but there still there I need them alot for the next bit of time so I can just get over all the stuff thats happening emotionally,I messaged a family member in the middle of the night last night because I just had to ask them a question right in that momment and they answered which was a huge relief that made me feel more able to sleep as the last few nights Ive not slept properly,lucky that I have family love them so much,I need to say thankyou for all the ways theyve been helping 
