Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Grasshopper3]

@Carlachris

Just a quick note to you:

Your title grabbed me, 'decline into social media' and eventhough I love the internet, it can be such an anti social source of wrong and sickning information! 

I have a son with Paranoid Sz. and he also has used the internet for his 'studies'.

He has listened to talkshows for days and nights at an end. He has shown me horrific video's and pictures that made me want to throw up. 

He is trying to tell me this world is so very, very cruel and he doesn't belong on this planet.

He also has Facebook and has joined some closed communites, which he has showed me. I have tried to shut some pages down on Facebook, but to no avail.

I understand there is freedom of speech too...

For a while I tried to put a filter on our internet. Now he is medicated and only now and again he shows me a youtube clip of someone ranting on about things that are so important to him but...I cannot get my head around it  😐

I tell him after a few minutes I have to watch it another time perhaps, as I have no idea what they are talking about. Or I plainly say I don't understand it. And I wonder if the person who uploaded the video, is also MI??? My son thinks he is super super intelligent, and I am just a programmed slave to the system.

He says there are only a 1000 people like him that really know what's going on. Like your husband, he doesn't trust anyone with what he 'knows'. This is actually pretty good, at least this way, they don't back of straigth away. However, if he start his rant....He might get a polite smile before they slowly retreat!

So he is a polity young man, nearly 24 now, without any friends, just waiting for me to come home from work every day, so we can have our daily walk.

Have you ever tried to pull the plug? (no internet for an hour, or a day, or... longer) 

He would have to focus on you again as he'll soon get bored with himself? 

My heart goes out to you, please look after no.1    YOU!! I love the fact you have your mobility scooter and enjoy your times out. These times are so very very important to be a better carer and be able to keep coping with MI.

All the very very best.

Lots of love,

Grasshopper3

[Carlachris]

Oh dear, Grasshopper we share a similar story with our loved ones. I can always tell how my husband is traveling by reading some of his comments and the amount of time online trying to fix everyone’s broken opinions. He started receiving death threats and was banned from several news media’s such as the Gardian etc. his gravitation towards the morose and depressingly ugly go hand in hand. It can be extremely confronting and we know have a safe word of sorts to express NO, JUST NO..... I will not be lectured at re Julian Assange or the state of communism, Marxism, blunt force traumas or anything in the arena of torrorism etc etc etc. 

I have been known at times to flick the modem off accidentally on purpose to interrupt his FB feed. I find FB in particular a very very unsafe place for MI. The last thing my husband needs is a tool to further go down the rabbit hole associated with paranoia his own and others as well. The mania that goes hand in hand with FB is dreadful my husband had an addiction with it....I didn’t even know that was a thing but it definitely is. ...... It is in many ways soulless. I have deleted many so called FB “friends worldwide” from his profile and to my knowledge he hasn’t realized. When he is ok he will actually do that himself. There is no reason to have more than 50 friends on FB as humans cannot converse with more than that so I throw the psychology back at him.

Like your son my husband has a very intense intellect but that can be a curse more than a help at times. He was on staff at university with philosophy and political history but can no longer sadly maintain the social side of the job and keep up with his peers when he is in crisis. He is a writer and an acedemic so I can get away with simple things like saying the NBN is down and just turn it off sometimes only for an hour or so and he doesn’t realize. We blame Telstra a lot in our house....lol.

It is only today after a very long few weeks that I have my husband back in reality and I am able to discuss with him where he has been and how harmful unlimited internet time has been to himself and our relationship. In my humble opinion the only way out is to turn it off.....turn it off pull a plug out and throw it away. Distrupt the line somehow. Blame your provider that usually works. 

Limiting and being selective do not work. There’s no point entering into their space time continuum as it’s largely based on miscomprehension or the shadow side of the Dark Web. I am able to recognize the pattern and tipping point now but it has taken a few years. A curious mind is ok but an obsessive mind is not. Fine line. I honestly think they cannot comprehend that we are not MI but their MI becomes dominant.

My husband loves to walk through the country with our Kelpie. So I seize upon that to get him away from his iPad. One of the reasons I have a mobility scooter for independence and to go with him when he is not doing very well. I find it helps me as well getting out into the fresh air and away from any form of Internet. Every time we go out I extend the time out even a little bit more. Maybe that might help with your son. It’s very grounding which in our case is needed on a regular basis. All the best and thankyou for sharing your thoughts as well.

[Shaz51]

Helllo @Carlachris 

[Grasshopper3]

@Carlachris
The death threats are a worry... Why are they getting involved in this rubbish? This is such an added stress in their and our lives we don't need huh? How is hubby with his coffee and sugar intake? I find decaf coffee helps reducing anxiety too.
Take care x

[Carlachris]

We have only had one death threat but it was from another suffering mid crisis. My hubby looses sight of reality and wants to fix everyone’s opinions to match his own. Impossible of course but that’s when I pull the plug from the modem. I find it’s the only way. Sometimes I have hidden his power cord for the iPad he is so intense he doesn’t realize he can use mine. He seems to think he needs to have a personal relationship with total strangers by the dozen and force his views on them....just for an argument at times. It’s tricky to get out of. We don’t have the coffee drinking problems anymore. We gave up smoking 9 yrs ago and it kind of went away. It sounds like too much internet time is behind his coffee drinking for you. The interaction with the internet is a false reality for them. Largely delusional. I’m thinking professional intervention will be the only way out. I have been in the same situation as you often. Waiting for the realization that they are not doing anything important, get bored and have a break. But then want to drop all the dross on us because we don’t understand. The cycles are awful. Hoping you can find your way and wishing you some calmness and big hugs. X

[Former-Member]

Hey @Carlachris
Quick check in to see how you are going.

[Carlachris]

Ok thankyou. Everything peaceful for now but hubby has been triggered by his MI mother. She is 89 and still as vicious as ever. The carousel has started again. Only a week until we see a new trauma Psych so fingers crossed he will be a mature man with ‘knowledge and life experience.. it’s the only way it’s going to help. We are very much past being guinea pigs for psych learners in the system. Hubby is 64 and could teach them a thing or two. That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard. Being older with MI we are very much left to ourselves to find our way. Been through the established treatments he is very well medicated but still reeling in the emotional  that has never been addressed. Hoping all will go well and quietly waiting for help. Sunshine. X

[Former-Member]

Sending gentle thoughts your way @Carlachris, it has been difficult for me to trust the process after a difficult start (and I am one of those intelligent people who drives the pdoc nuts with my scholarly articles)

[Former-Member]

Sorry @Carlachris (hit post too soon)

As you say, medication only does so much and the 'emotional physio' as I call it is often so very necessary. Finding a therapist that can connect with the patient well and prescribe therapy that fits can take time, particularly where things are not as a clear as would happen for a physio such when a patient injured their knee ...

I find it hard at times knowing how to encourage Mr D in that department, but then I figure, I am not his therapist and try and focus on being his partner, his lover and cheerleader.

[Carlachris]

Hubby is at the new Psycologist as we speak. I can only hope they get on but I’m not holding my breath. 50/50.....We don’t have access to a psychiatrist. The trust with them has been completely broken. I am hoping that maybe some of my husbands burdens and trauma, baggage can start to be addressed and most of all the current crisis re his damaged childhood and horrendous mother safely dealt with. I think most of this is coming up now as his mother is 89 in poor health but nasty and resistant to any form of assistance we have had to let the professionals deal with her as she is cruel and belligerent to everyone. Even though she is his major trigger we need to address her safety and shift her into care. It really is an awful situation. Bouncing around from crisis to crisis on several levels. Wearing many hats these days. Today I am happy just to be his wife and hopefully have some good news when he gets home. Take the dog for a walk and decompress. Sunshine.x