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Casual Contributor

Mentally Ill or Not

Hi all, 

I am a 49 yr old mum to a beautiful 26 yr old daughter. Until 6 months ago my girl was an extraordinary human being, loved by anyone who ever meet her, with the biggest heart of gold and extremely switched on. I actually have gotten used to accepting complaints gracefully over the years because I received so many about her. " your daughter is a world changer." " your daughter is the smartest employee of this company (550 employees) " " I love her". Then out of the blue she became withdrawn and eventually depressed , extremely anxious, paranoid and  suicidal and always sad. She also became completely obsessed with being with me at every moment even waiting outside the bathroom door for me , pacing back and forth. In the last 6 months she has tried to hurt herself a number of times with 2 incidents resulting in the paramedics and police arriving at my residence and them having to inject her with something that knocks her out and then off to the hospital, only to be discharged 4 hrs later both times. I have had her to numerous gps and engaged in mental Heath acute care teams laughing at her because she won't talk without me around. We have been told she is not mentally ill and passed around a suppprt services and health professionals so much that I feel like I'm on a merry go round. She has been talking antidepressants medication for 6 months and yes the intense anxiety attacks have lessened from about 10 a day to around 1 or 2 a day depending on the circumstances. I'm just at my wits end, I have become sad and frustrated with her because she does not do anything to help herself. I love my daughter immensely but having her by my side contanstly ( she even sleeps in my bed and if I try and make her sleep in the guest room I wake up to her asleep outside my door) is not sustainable and I feel like I am never going to get my girl back. I feel so much for her because if I'm feeling like this then what she is felt must be unbearable. She has given up her nursing studies and I have had to leave my study and work because of her distress . I get sad but also angry, frustrated, feel helpless, like a failure as a parent and guilt. I don't know what to do or how to get help for her as I have to arrange everything and if she is anxious she cannot even leave the house to attend appts etc. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. Is this what she will be like forever, will I spend the rest of my life waking up with my adult daughter asleep on my bed or at my door on the floor. My heart is breaking and thanks so much for listening

 

20 REPLIES 20
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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Omg both of your worlds have turned inside out. I'm so sorry mental health services have let you both down so badly. Something is obviously very wrong. If they're saying it's not mental illness, what do they think it is? Have they scanned her brain to check for an injury? How devastating for both of you that supposed mental health professionals laughed. I hope someone jumps on here soon with some practical suggestions for you. 

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

@Hoho why won't they take our daughters seriously? Mine is now 26 and it took 7 doctors across 2 continents to finally be told she has crohns disease and endometriosis. Prior to that they all dismissed her as just whinging about her periods.

 

My only advise is keep doctor shopping until you find one that will listen.

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Ps did something happen to trigger this? My gut feeling is she suffered a trauma. Mine was harassed at work and it took 6 months before she was brave enough to work again
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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Oh @Hoho 

I am so sorry. There is definitely something amiss. Keep searching for a dr that will listen. It took over 2 years to get my boy diagnosed after numerous doctors and hospital admissions. I agree with @SJT63 something might have happened to trigger the change. My boy is very needy and reliant on me for company, it is exhausting. I hear your pain, exhaustion, concern for you and your daughter.

 

@SJT63 Sorry your daughter was harassed at work, that is awful and happens all too often sadly.

Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding, it has really soothed my soul just to know I'm not alone.

I agree there was definitely a trigger in May we were watching tv 1 night and all of a sudden a picture of her fathers parents apppeared on the news. Just for a bit of background her father passed when she was 15 quite suddenly at 36 yrs and she had been some what estranged from his parents for a number of years. Her grandparents were on the news as 2 of the 4 people who were left behind in Italy when the remaining passengers of the "Ruby Princess" arrived back on Australian soil. Unbeknown to us the had gone on a cruise in early March and both ended up contracting Corovirus and were still to ill on ventilation in seperate Italian hospitals to travel home with the others. Her dads side of the family launched the "bring them home scomo" appeal. It was quite distressing for me I was praying that they would survive because I know my beautiful hearted daughter would never forgive herself for becoming estranged with them. Thank goodness they both returned home when they were well enough and unbeknown to me she hoped in her car and drove to Sydney to reunite with them once they were home and out of quarantine. Her grandma was the sickest and told her that she saw her deceased father when she was ventilated in Italy and he said to her " not yet mum it not your time to pass". This triggered her to grieve her dad all over again or maybe for the 1st time. She was suicidal and for weeks cried to me she just wanted to be with her dad. A a good note she is in regular contact with the grandparents now and all is great there. But on top of all that 3 years ago I was diagnosed with stage IV rectal cancer , which I am in remission for thank goodness. I was quite ill for a period of time and actually came very close to passing from an infection at one stage. 
I am so frustrated with the professionals party because it took me 2 years of visiting numerous GP's and specialists and it was only after I was finally told by the specialist oh you have no positive stool samples so we will get to give u a colonoscopy in about 12 months, that I repeated the stool test and pricked my finger so the sample would have blood in it, that they rushed me in for a colonoscopy within 2 weeks to which I awoke from the procedure with 4 specialist looking over me asking me "why have u not had this done before, we couldn't even get the camera past the tumour." 
thankfully after radiation, 2 bouts of chemo and 3 major operations I am cancer free, but the sound of many professionals telling me things like

oh go home and eat apricots or stop whinging there are no signs anything is wrong with you has me worn out and so frustrated already and now I'm facing the same issues with my daughter. I just don't know if I have the energy to keep going back to professionals to be turned away or laughed at as well as support my girl through this, I am tired and I just want someone to help and don't know where to turn next.

sorry about the lengthy explanation but it does feel better getting it out and knowing there are people who are in similar distress.

one last thing I must say once I was diagnosed the care I received from the professionals was amazing , I just don't understand why it is so hard and frustrating to get a accurate diagnosis.

again many thanks to u all

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Hi @Hoho 

I saw you online and thought I'd check your thread. It is great that you can pin point your daughter's trigger so that you can help her get some help. I am so glad that finally you received the medical attention that ultimately saved your life, I am just so sorry that it took so long and so much frustration to get the result you needed so desperately. I am glad you found us and look forward to walking with you. Just be careful around giving ut too much info (like the cruise details etc) as we do need to remain anonymous. xxx 

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Thank you seriously just the fact that there is support available and me being able to vent has helped me immensely which has in turn helped my daughter be more calm and find the strength to return to the gp for another try at getting some help. I will also be aware of the details and staying anonymous xx

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Oh @Hoho 

You have made my day!!! Don't be a stranger hun X you are so welcome here

Tagging some friends to say hi xxx

 

@Shaz51 

@Faith-and-Hope 

@Emelia8 

@Zoe7 

@eth 

@Maggie 

@BPDSurvivor 

@Hamsolo01 

@Appleblossom 

 

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Re: Mentally Ill or Not

Hello and a belated welcome to you, to Sane forums @Hoho 🌹

 

Thanks to @Myboy for introducing us 😀

 

Firstly ... I am so sorry to hear of the obvious distress your daughter is in and, as a direct result .. you also. 😔  How frustrating to not be taken seriously.  

 

Sorry to hear of your cancer journey ... Wow, well done for doing what you did to finally ensure the procedure you clearly needed. Great news that you are now in remission.

 

My husband went through a similar experience. He had a mole on his back, which looked nasty to me. I told him to get his Dr to check it out. He did, and they said ... no problem. Nothing done. 6-8 months later, I again asked him to get his Dr to check it. This time they agreed to cut it out and get it tested. A week later pathology came back confirming melanoma. He had surgery and had it removed with clear margins. Unfortunately 12 months later, we discovered it had spread to his lungs. So, like you, it was Stage IV cancer.  He underwent extensive immunotherapy treatment, and is now in remission. But he has had lifelong serious and life threatening side effects from the cancer treatment.

 

I guess thats my long winded way of saying that we need to trust our "gut" or intuition when it comes to knowing that something is wrong. And you should never stop trying to get professionals to take notice. Dont be fobbed off ... remain strong. This applies equally to physical and mental issues.

 

Really happy to hear your latest news that your beloved daughter will be seeing her Dr to attempt to assess her further, and hopefully get the help she needs. Really hope it all works out for you both. What you said about the current situation being unsustainable, is an understatement I imagine. 💔

 

@Hoho Please feel free to tag me anytime.

 

Emelia 🌷

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