G'day ali2204
This is also my first post of any kind, I understand, I to have major depressive dissorder and I am alone and I take meds for my depression, I am 66 years old, I have been this way for many years. Life is balance Pleasure and Pain and if you get this unbalanced you get depressed, you get so that you no longer have anything that gives you pleasure (anhedonia) so all you have left is pain, then to add to this is the perseeved lack of emotion you may have which can make you feel less of a human and so you feel guilty because you cannot trust yourself to show the right emotional response at any given time, The pain of depression is all over the body like an ache that you cannot get rid of, You may be having a different experience than me as we are all different, but I can assure you you are not alone.
What can you do? when you don't want to do anything?. One thing that is hard to learn sometimes is, that it is ok to do nothing, but it is better to do something no matter how small it is and then pat yourself on the back for doing it, but most of all reward yourself for doing it (eat an icecream) . now I know that you dont want to here this but I will tell you what helped me A LOT, Change your scenery if you can, if you cant then re arrange your furniture, (a change is as good as a holiday), I do this on a regular basis and it keeps me busy, and thinking. I personally have become a nudist at home as it has helped me feel the air and has brightend my moods, I will mention that medications are essential but the thing that will hurt you the most is the horrible mental health system in Australia, it is useless, and if you are not careful to take care of yourself they will literally lock you up in a suposed mental health hospital which you will have to deal with drugaddicts and prisoners from various gaols and you will not receice any therepy other than drugs and may be an odd walk in the park now and then.
So my friend you must take care of yourself as others wont help you.
They say things like "talk to a friend or a loved one" but you can't as you do not want to burden them nor cause them any anxiety. I know exactly how you feel.
To finish: Find what little gives you pleasure and go for it until you no longer feel pleasure doing it then find something else, you have to get that balance back.
