Lived Experience Forum

[hanami]

@Crystel I understand. I've felt this way when I have felt that my husband doesn't understand me. This would happen when I was at a real low point. I think this is a good article that might explain things. 

https://www.bustle.com/life/141491-5-reasons-you-feel-lonely-even-when-youre-not-alone-and-what-to-d... 

Hanami

[Lite]

Hi all

I'm new to the forums & really struggling with loneliness.  I don't have any family and I don't have many friends.  I lost my job.  And I'm in the middle of a divorce & missing my kids when I don't have them.  I feel like I don't have anyone there for me most of the time.  People work and are busy with their lives.  I'm struggling with everything going on plus the loneliness.  I have tried connecting to others in person through friendship groups but I go to an event and then don't see or talk to anyone again till the next event.  I don't know how to make more friends.  And I really wish I had family still alive.  I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get from this.  Maybe just some connection.  Thanks for reading.

[tyme]

Hi @Lite ,

Thanks for connecting with us. It certainly sounds lonely. I'm sorry to hear how difficult it is for you right now. 

I have to acknowledge the effort you are making to reaching out in order to connect with people.

You are not alone in this. 

I hope you find the forums a place where you can connect with others and hopefully feel less lonely in this journey.

Please take care.

Feel free to tag me by typing "@" in front of my name so I get a notification. e.g. @tyme .

See you around.

[Lila3]

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you're going through a lot of upheaval ATM. I remember when I got divorced, it was a lonely time with things constantly changing. Be kind to yourself & explore things you've always wanted to try. That's what helped me get through. My thoughts are with you 😊

[Lite]

I'm really struggling.  My ex has prevented access to my kids.  And I'm wondering if they are all better off without me.

[fluffylight]

Hi @Lite 

Welcome to the forums!

Thank you for sharing this. That sounds like a lot you have been carrying.

Are there some ways you can go gentle on yourself tonight? 

I want to remind you that you are not alone in this, please keep reaching out. 

Sometimes someone hearing us out goes a little or long way 💛 :yellow_heart 

Sending you lots of gentle vibes to get through this,

fluffylight x

[Salvia]

Hi @Lite, its horrible when you can't see your kids, and when you feel you're not good enough for them... I've lived similar. Are kids are part of our flesh, how can anyone expect us to let go? It wrips us to pieces to try. Such conflict! Exhausting! A Shattering feeling of overwhelm and hopelessness. I say it 'cause I want you to know you're not alone. With or without our children we too have a right to be here, and we need to self care a little more when there's nobody around for us. Be kind to your wounded self as you would nurture a child. Don't give up 💕

[Salvia]

Interesting thread. What is loneliness? And aloneness? 

Think maybe I've got use yo being alone (it doesnt hurt anymore, and it doesnt mean theres something wrong with me). But its taken a lifetime. Soesnt help that ive been the target of 4 big social stigmas (sole parent, obese, MI, unemployed, poor). People tend to gravitate toward more positive connections. I 'get' it now and learning (finally) and not to see the apparent rejection as a death sentence.

The initial 4Questions:

Q1 What does loneliness look like for you?
Q2 How does loneliness feel and how does it impact your wellbeing?
Q3 Are the periods of the day or year when loneliness is harder to manage?
Q4 What have you done to manage loneliness, do you have tips for others?

my Answers (made me think)

Q1 Loneliness looks like 🤔 umm, it's not visible but feeling & thought

- what colour? - dark Grey

- texture? - melted jelly

- size? - vast, endless void

Q2 Feels like:

- emptiness

- a hunger

- comes and goes in intensity (waves)

- makes me eat / get fat

- feel insignificant

- hate myself

Q3 Worse times: 

Evening meal, social gatherings, travelling, grief & distress

Q4 Management initiatives:

- daily walk (nature & passersby gives a sense I'm not alone.

- cuddle me dog, accept her affection

- ring / visit & chat with someone for a chat once day, even if you just exchange the weather. 

- 

_____

[Caitlin6]

I feel guilty about feeling so alone and depressed. I am married, have a home and no money problems for the first time in my life. I’m in my 70’s now, and have been lonely and broke, desperate and in danger in my life, so I know the difference and should feel happy and grateful now.

But loneliness is so much more. It’s not having anyone to talk to, to do things with, or who just GET you.my husband is not interested in a single thing I’m interested in, all my friends have moved away,and all my interests seem pointless and valueless. It’s ridiculous to feel like this, but I could literally sit and watch tv 24/7 days a week. So my body is weakening through lack of exercise, my ailments are increasing, and my mind is losing the will to live.

[HymieStrange]

@Caitlin6, 

Don't feel guilty that just because things look good on paper you still feel lonely!

I've had times in my life that I've been surrounded by people and I still felt lonely haha,

It's not about what's going on around you, it's about how you feel inside. An emotion is an emotion, you're allowed to feel lonely. 

I know it can be hard to break the cycle, but see if there are any clubs out there, or volunteer work you can do. I don't know what your hobbies are, but I know there are knitting groups that knit blankets, socks and hats for prem/sick babies, my work puts me in line with them and they really do make a difference. There's also quilting and sewing groups that use children's clothes into quilts or stuffed animals to keep the memory alive.

I know it's so hard when your interests feel silly, it can really send you through a cycle where you feel bad because you're not doing activities but you don't do activities because you feel bad. Maybe try finding a way to use an old hobby for something new and important? If there's groups around you, like on Facebook or in the paper, it could be a two birds with one stone thing where you meet people and also keep your hands busy. 

Wishing you all the best, 

Hymie