Lived Experience Forum

[BraveOne]

Curious about people's experiences with DID and losing time. How do you manage? What works for you to know what is going on in your day to day life? How do you stay safe? 

I feel like im constantly being an investigator figuring out whats going on.... missing moments in conversations with people (in the outside world)  or not being here for hours in my day...sometimes for days in my life. Sometimes when Im here Im in a hurry to get some things done however its deflating looking at the mess at home and not having the energy to get it sorted and feeling resentful as I didnt make the mess yet someone internally did  and wonder what else has been going on in my life when I am not here. I tend to look around for evidence like bank statements, receipts , text messages , emails to see where I could have been actively out in the world ....I can go nuts trying to figure things out and  its exhausting piecing together everything however I would rather know about what "I've" been doing in the world before someone else (in the outside world) comes back to me about something.  Its scary not knowing if Im here one moment to the next . 

There are days I have incompleted actions in the house like Ive make breakfast then I didnt get to eat it and notice its on the kitchen bench and something else took my attention or another part  internally went to do something else at the same time or I notice there are 3-4things happening at the same time and other times I may be resting/ sleeeping yet when I awake there's evidence other parts  were  "awake " and in the body doing things at the same time.  

[Millieme]

I carry a notebook with me at work, i write everything down and when i read back over things at the end of the day and type up my notes or reflective journal there is always stuff in there that i have no memory of what so ever. sometimes it doesnt help because the notes are so brief that im not sure what it was about anyway. but when im 'missing' at least notes are being written but it scares me at times and is something that makes me so ashamed/embarrassed when i miss something or have 'forgotten' something someone said or that i was going to do something. Its a struggle.

[BraveOne]

@Millieme ahhhh that's a good idea to take notes throughout your day. Yesss it's not easy to noticed when times use list and can feel really scary. Thanks for sharing your strategy. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @BraveOne and @Millieme,

Having stepped back and let alters run the show for like 2 years in my teens it doesn't bother me that I lose time as long as its not affecting my son. Honestly they only thing that matters to me is keeping him safe and letting him have a childhood. I mean I'll tell him one day but for now I just want him to be a child. 

[Former-Member]

@BraveOne
Our system just goes with it, our body clock and ability to feel hunger or anything else is trash so everyone just does whatever. We have a schedule, but we're bad at following. Mostly we just try and catch up in the headspace and stuff.

[BraveOne]

@Former-Member  so like are there a few different alters  that care for him or just you? Are you in your life each day or are there days that go by and you're not around? 

[Former-Member]

@BraveOne , 

Nah she does disappear a lot me (Harmony) and Sapphire are good with him

[BraveOne]

@Former-Member thanks for letting me know how you do it. Sounds like you've got good communication to catch up in your head ! Good you're able to flow with your body's impulses too. I try and do that too 

[BraveOne]

@Former-Member  ahhh at least there's a couple  of ya that are there for him. Yehhh l getchya some come and go