Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Dexy]

I am new to this forum. I have an 18 year old who doesn't have a diagnosis but has been mentally unwell for about 15 months. We have been doing everything we can to help: private psychiatrists, psychologists, taking extended times off work ... But he is still no better. He won't go into a private hospital, and basically the professionals are telling us we may have to wait for a big 'crash' when he will be forced to go. Our life is so difficult - constantly trying to get him to eat, sleep, engage with others or move forward just a bit, to stop obsessing about his body, or whatever the latest issue is that spirals him downwards. We have other children and other stressors in our life, but everything revolves around our eldest and we know this is not sustainable but how can our family move forward when we watch him suffering so much?

[Jacob101]

I feel for you. It's a tough call, especially if you have other kids. I deal with my partners condition and Between that and work I wouldn't have anything left for others. All I can recommend is that you need to try and get him to a facility; needs to get a diagnoses and correct treatment. Maybe visit some of these facilities and show him they are no longer like the one stereotype. Some have day program's too. The thing is clearly trying to explain to him that once treated his quality of life will improve. Could you encourage him to get on the lived experiences forum? Can you organise a visit from someone who may have experienced something similar and got thru it to help him see a path? Does he have a best friend who could gently him him come around to taking that important move? Are there terms upon which he would go? For example on basis he is visited everyday etc.... I know this might sound scatter gun, but really you can wait till rock bottom but that has its own risks. Feel for you your family and your boy. J

[morningstar]

Hi Dexy, sorry to hear about your son's poor health and how it's affecting you all. Have any of the drs given him a diagnosis or recommended a treatment? And have any of them given you advice on how to look after yourself and the rest of the family?  Finding the one right psych who can relate to him could make all the difference. Is there a headspace clinic in your area? This could do a lot more good than booking him into an expensive private hospital. I'm not impressed with the 'waiting for the crash' therapy!

I'd look up a local family support group too, to get advice from people who've 'been there', like ARAFMI or Fellowship. It's an easy trap when you love someone to make them the centre of attention, when this doesn't actually help them or you. It's a tough time, but you will all get through it. Let us know how things go....

[Dexy]

Thank you. All very good advice.

[Dexy]

Thanks so much.