Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Meero
Casual Contributor

Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

I have BPD , severe anxiety and depression, and medium Aspergers . So not a bad combination. I can have all the above traits depending on how severe the traumatic experience I am going through. I am doing dialectical therapy which is helping and taking medications for the severe mood swings and anxiety and depression . I can disocciate very easily and it acts as a mechanism to control my outbursts and anger to the point I lose all kinds of emotions towards them. I want them to he away from my life.   I developed the above characteristics starting in my 30s when life experiences became harder like at work and family.I  may feel empathy towards an individual and have a complete lack of empathy towards another person. Any thoughts?

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

Hi @Meero . Maybe it’s a good thing to talk to your counsellor about. I don’t think we naturally have empathy towards everyone. I think empathy is an in the moment thing when you can connect with someone and in that moment you have an idea what it’s like to walk in that persons shoes, or you may not know and just be there for them. I don’t think we can be empathetic 24/7 with everyone. I think empathy is a good thing to develop with those closest to you first. I think it’s something that is helpful if you find that anger building at someone to quietly think that we don’t know what is going on for them as much as they don’t know what is going on for us, it helps to not make judgements too quickly. This is only my opinion though, I consider myself to be an empathetic person. 

 

I think if it is something really bothering you it might be good to bring up in DBT or therapy. Best wishes. 

 

Re: Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

Welcome to the forum @Meero! Sometimes empathy can come from our life experiences, a situation that the person is in, and beliefs too, so we tend to empathise with one situation over another. But if you want to get a better understanding of it, @Teej is right, you should talk to your counsellor about it. Have you found that you are more empathetic to people who have had similar experiences to yourself?

Re: Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

Thanks Ali! Absolutely true what you are saying! Yes I read about two types of empathy - Very good article below . With my BPD - I SOMETIMES lack emotionl empathy depending on the experience I am facing with another person or depending on my mood or if I feel hurt or not ... as for cognitive empathy - my ASD is some cause of lack of this one .. but not all time - In some cases where I am really don't like the situation or getting very frustrated and angry - usually I find that the lack of cognitive empathy is firstly manifested and that leads to the lack of emotional empathy.

 

Just a separate example - and maybe you can tell me what you think : I have always enjoyed playing with my kids .. I was mainly the one that played with them since their young age but the issue was I played with them the way I wanted to play with not in their way. This is because I was doing exactly how my father used to play with me. They usually got frustrated after initially liking it. I just keep on going till they really get upset then I will stop. My intention was not to get them upset but I just enjoyed playing with them my way. I was always told by my ex to stop and lay with them in their way so they can get close to you but I just could not ... it was like .. no that is not me .. I can not be another person .. and I am not interested in their ways or methods of playing .. this even happened till they are now 13 and 15 .. I am still doing the same but to a lesser extent and I think they have had it .. same with my wife .. I joke with her the way I find it funny like I amake up my own songs with jibberish words and tunes and keep repeating it every morning while we are getting ready for work/school etc .. and I know that it will annoy her but I just cant stop ... She says this is due to my ASD but to a lesser extend that my son who is moderate and I am mild on the spectrum ... 

 

https://lesley.edu/article/the-psychology-of-emotional-and-cognitive-empathy

Re: Lack of empathy, remorse, guilt

Even with my closest people like my sister .. I used to have empathy with her .. but after big falling outs with her recently .. i completely feel no empathy towards her whatsoever because I am very hurt by her actions and she knows that she is wrong but never tried to make amends ... I am so angry with her ...
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance