16-03-2019 04:02 PM
They know where to find you @maggie3 , so it’s not really cutting them out, just stepping back. That way you can step back up if the situation improves later. You have control over how much involvement with them you are prepared to take on, in the interests of self-preservation.
16-03-2019 04:19 PM
Hi @maggie3 ,
My son also, in his own words, had a "chronic Marijuana addiction", probably since his early teens. He has told me lately that he hasn't touched it for over a year now. But he also was using Ice, and that is when the big troubles started...
He also was very paranoid, thinking he was under surveilance and every car was watching him, and you would not believe some of the things he told me that he saw! He also thought that the house next door was pumping cyanide into his water and that their was someone living in the roof.
It is so saddening as a mother to see and hear the things that come from our loved ones, I understand how broken hearted and stressed you must be feeling.
Now that my son is feeling better, I've had time to get my head "together" and I've come to terms with so much now. It has made me a much stronger person, we can handle SO much and still remain strong and brave.
nice to hear back from you, keep searching xo
16-03-2019 04:22 PM
I really empathize with you @maggie3 because I have been through something very similar with my brother who is an alcoholic and violent towards me and my son. My guiding principles are you have to take care of the young whatever. I won’t go into the AVOs etc and our run ins with the police but I feel you need to cut off ties as much as possible to protect yourself and your grandson. My parents still don’t forgive me for this because they are enablers of my brother and his alcoholism. He has also mixed other drugs and substances which has increased his volitility! It’s my responsibility to protect my son, and minimize his mental health impact from this situation, so that his own mental health and my own own arw stable! At the end of the day, when people are unable to realize they have a problem and are violent or abusive to you, it’s up to you to remove yourself from risk. You will find that over time, it gets easier to live with and especially when you remind yourself that you are protecting yourself and your grandson and someone who is hurting someone else doesn’t really care about you! Hope that helps. Take care
17-03-2019 03:34 PM
This is a new experience for me so I hope I am doing this correctly.
I decided to look for some support today as I am feeling very depleted and know I need to take care of myself.
My husband has bipolar ...... i am feeling quite isolated and alone as well as fearful of outcomes. I feel like I have lost my husband and feel lonely and scared and a bit helpless.
This is the second time we have gone through this elevated/manic state and I am trying hard to be supportive but sometimes think I am Not doing a very good job. So here I am.
17-03-2019 07:34 PM
Hi @Dunks and welcome to the forums. I am so glad you reached out. It can be a lonely isolated place when your family is challenged with mental health issues, especially if you’re faced with stigma, or people just don’t want to know, medical people included.
There are two very important aspects of being a carer for someone with mental health issues. The first is getting to know what you are dealing with - learning as much as you can about the illness and how it presents, behaves, ebbs and flows, so you understand better how to deal with it, and the person you care about.
This leads to the second aspect - how to take the best care of yourself that youcN, to avoid carers burnout (it’s a very real thing) and compassion fatigue. Within the strange world of mental illness we have to find our own checks and balances.
You are joining a community of people here who either know these things by now, or are in the process of learning them.
If you tupe Bipolar into the Search Bar you will find threads specific to that topic. Read along, and join in anywhere. Some threads are more current than others, or more active .... feel free to ask questions o help with anything you don’t understand or would like some help with.
Under Social Spaces you will find some more light-hearted company which is good for distracting in hard moments, and connecting with others who have similar interests such as pets, gardening, craft, etc.
Looking After Ourselves has carers hints and tips, and ideas for self-care.
I am pleased to meet you and look forward to seeing you around.
20-03-2019 05:40 PM
I am new to this forum and I am confussed. Before I start, three ramdom facts about me: I love to knit, I own a rabbit and I belong to a bookclub.
My eldest daughter (18) has been battling mental health issues for 2 1/2 years and has been working towards finishing year 11/12 part-time (and doesn't attend very often), she is on the home straight, but in the last few weeks things seem to be getting on top of her, and she is stuck. She sees a pyshologist weekly but is facing a change as she is now 18. She been suffering from depresssion and anxiety and been through a DBT program for BPD symptoms. She has also received a diagnosis for ASD, which she refuses to accept or even talk about (hopefully this will change). Currently, she is also going through a change in medication. Similar to other posts I have read here, we are never quite sure what each day will bring. Until recently I have been working part-time, while managing her condition and the rest of the family. Recently my younger daughter (14) is now also avoiding school (following an incident). As a result I have had to take time off work to manage my own health as well as their care. I am now very confussed, I have decided to take more time off work to help them both get through the next few months (my husband is supportive), however my older daughter seems to be getting worse having me around, she is interpreting all my attempts to provide help and support as critisim and her episodes of shutting down and dysfunction seem to becoming more frequent. I'm scared that she is going to use my presense as an excuse for not performing and I'm scared of going back to work while home life is like this as I know that I won't cope, and my family commitements make me a disruptive employee. Today has been long and unproductive, it is the coaching and waiting and repeating and witnessing the meltdowns that makes me feel quite useless.
20-03-2019 05:56 PM
Hi Confused_Mama. I totally get where you are at. I have 2 sons one with BPD and many other things and one that is Bi-polar 2. I have found over the years that the better the audience the worse they will be. My Bipolar son told me last night (He came for tea) that I mothered him too much and he couldn’t stand on his own two feet for a long time. I told him he carries on more when I’m around and he confirmed this.
My BPD son blames me for not being around enough! We cannot win. Their mental health makes them see the world differently than us so your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Its exhausting and I really empathise with your situation. For me the eldest and his situation really affected the younger and made his life harder. Just be wary of this.
I wish you all the best xx
20-03-2019 05:57 PM
Hi @Confused_Mama Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing! This is defintely an awesome community to gain some insight and get some support around what's been going on for you. To get a bit more foot traffic and peer support headed your way I would recommend reposting your story as its own discussion here, you can do so by clicking New Discussion. You're definitely not alone and I believe other carers will have some decent strategies that may help
20-03-2019 06:11 PM
You have a lot on your plate to deal with and I just suggest that you make sure you have support and try and take care of you and your husband so you can survive the times ahead.
It is relentless the continual stress and anxiety and it does impact our health.
Glad you are on here
20-03-2019 06:52 PM
Hi @Confused_Mama and welcome to the forums. I ha e had mental health issues trigger in husband and kids ..... every day brings what it will, but things are relatively calm and stable at the moment. The kids are aware of their MI challenges and have sought support - hubby is blissfully lacking in insight and trucking on with behaviours he doesn’t understand are undermining his health and relationships .....
At the end of the day, it is imperative for our own mental health to find some sort of balance for ourselves amongst it all, as carers, because we can become susceptible to carers burnout and subsequently mental health issues of
With my kids I have found that it ebbs, flows, waxes and wanes .... and sometimes it is better to step away a bit ..... not down the road and over the hill so much, but your observation is probably correct, that your daughter is “playing up”
more when you’re around. There are ways to be around, but semi-invisible, which can provide a comfort for her without feeling like a threat or a policing presence .... such as going out and coming back, or working outside in the garden, or operating at the other end of the house, perhaps with earphones in.
You will get there ..... and very glad you’re here ..... 👍
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