Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[olmate]

Hello Sandy

sandy

Hmm @olmate, given your daughter's recent history I think maybe try and be more open with the drs you see. Hard to help a family if the family is painting whitewash over their situation.

I would hardly say I am whitewashing the situation, how you come to this assumption after reading a few paragraphs on this web site is beyond me. The doctor was informed about any addictions or mental health problems within our families (including my previous drinking)

sandy

The question is not about what material things you've provided your family

I was trying to give more information on her upbringing background rather than spruik about material things

sandy

in the past you have been a bit of a drinker? So maybe that may have influenced your daughter's tendencies with alcohol..

I would hardly say the way i used to drink has any connection at all with her situation.I was never really a spirit drinker and i never sculled a bottle of anything to unconsciousness. Her two brothers had the same upbringing and they are only social drinkers. If she was drinking when i got home from work until late and went to bed a bit drunk i would totally agree with you but shes not. Shes sculling a bottle of spirits to unconsciousness

sandy

Please be kind to your lovely wife

Always am

sandy

your daughter's mild swings

according to my wife they are more than mild

sandy

and be kind if you can, to your daughter

I love my daughter with all my heart but im hoping a bit of tough love may help the situation because kid gloves hasn't. Im hoping she will see that if we have had enough she might realise she does need help and willingly get it

sandy

Our family when I grew up provided a home, but trauma came with it...so financially stable but emotionally crappy..

Im sorry you had a troubled childhood but thats life

We had a roof over our heads, my father worked his guts out, mum was very hard on us, yes meant yes and no meant no and we had very little but we had one of the best childhoods you could imagine

I dont blame anyone or anything for the way i am

[Alessandra1992]

Sorry @olmate, my phone doesn't do spell check. I really didn't intend to question your love and concern for your daughter, but more the comment that you mentioned not being able to explain the situation with the dr.
Tough love is what got my brothers through, it nearly broke my mum though but both brothers are here 30 yrs later.. So tough love worked, my mum tapped into all anon to get the strength to make both boys leave..

What I was trying to say was sometimes there are links to addictions in families like alcohol, and sometimes there are none.
And addictions and mental health.. They really don't discriminate..

Tough love is really hard but it saved my brothers.

What do the hospital say when your daughter is admitted? Would they refer her to crisis accommodation and other services if she could not live at home?

I do hope for your daughter and for you, that she will see she needs help and accepts help...

Recovery is possible...for mental health and addictions...

[Baboo]

@olmate ,

i just read back on the first page of this whole conversation. Have you tried any of the supports that cherrybomb suggested for yourself and your partner yet?

Im dealing with ( support is the better word) an unwell family member at the moment who thinks they are not unwell at all- its hugely frustrating. Because no matter what interventions i set up to assist their recovery they simply don't think they need it.

It makes you feel like the cartoon character who has steam coming out of their ears and who pulls out all their hair.

Baboo

[ivana]

Olmate-

Your daughter clearly has a SERIOUS drinking problem which needs urgent help-as you know.

The way i see it though,the focus now needs to be on why she drinks not how to stop her drinking.

Try to find out the driving factor of whats causing her to drink to this severity and if shes not interested in telling you then find someone she will talk to-maybe someone her age even.

Clearly to be drinking to this extent is because it does something for her or covers something up.

Eg:Is it the only way she can feel happy or joy in life?

Was she abused and is using alcohol to run away from the feelings?

Is she trying to "self destruct" because something happened to her?

Or some other reason.....

Focusing on rehab,"interventions",being mad when she lies to you,trying tough love etc..it all distracts from the rootcause of her problem and in turn she'll probably keep drinking because you are caught up in this game of you/loved ones not wanting her to drink and then her BS'ing you that shes not etc..

These external factors/attempts to stop her drinking, in a way stop her from having to face the real reasons why she feels the need to drink so much.

Also,generally speaking,does your daughter receive love,attention and affection when things are "smooth" in her life and shes not drinking etc?