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I can’t control my thoughts

The past year of my life has been the most traumatic and hardest year yet. I broke up with my fiancé of five years and three weeks after that I was raped, and my ex told me I deserved it.  I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years, but this last year I have really been struggling. I can’t control my thoughts. I could be driving and I wonder what it would be like to crash into a tree. I am constantly googling the easiest and most pain free way to end it all, I have even considered going for a hand gun licence. I can not stop these thoughts and I feel like a crazy person. I hate going to psychologists, the idea of opening up to a complete stranger face to face worries and scares me. There are days where I just feel so so so emotional. Where I crave to break my 60+day self harm free streak. How does anyone deal with this. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone

10 REPLIES 10

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

Hi Lesley1,

Welcome to the forums, It sounds like you are going through a rough time at present, I know it can be scary seeking help at times, but you really deserve some support right now, and I hope you can find some useful strategies within the forums.  I addition I encourage you to call Lifeline 131114 and have a chat with your GP, and share you struggles. I also just wanted to say, it sounds like you have gone for 60 days free of SH.  That is a wonderful achievement...

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

I just want to say 60 days without self harm @Lesley1 is awesome. Each day forward is an achievement.
I'm so sorry to hear all you've gone through, but it shows you're strong. Youve got this.
I hear you that you feel you thoughts are out of control, have you found any strategies that help when things get overwhelming.
Have you thought of phone/web/ email counselling. I'm not sure exactly what services are where you are but some places and helplines offer these options.
Emotions are OK, you've been through a lot, breathe through them, they will pass.

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

I don’t where to start with strategies. 

I have a very hard time trusting people, so online counselling could work.

thank you for your support

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

How can you say that @LSeven? How can you say it’s bs. 

I can’t believe someone would write this in here 

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

Thank you @BlueBay

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

Hope you’re ok @Lesley1. Snd im sorry for what you’ve gone through. Have you tried Sane’s helpline. I’ve used them a few times (today I used them as I struggled) snd they are very supportive without being judgemental. 

Take care. Happy to chat again. Xx

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

I didn’t know SANE had a helpline 🤔

thank you so much @BlueBay

I don’t know why but this week I have struggled like I never have before. 

 

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

On the top left hand corner there are four lines. Press it and a list of items will come up. You’ll see the words “get help” press that. Then press “launch chat” and fill out all the required questions and begin chat. 

It is very good helpline @Lesley1

 

 

Re: I can’t control my thoughts

Seems like there were some very strong opinions expressed tonight...

As much as we want to hear everyone's experiences and thoughts the Guidelines are present so that everyone can feel safe and not feel judged about their personal experiences, as everyone is different. 

Take care of yourselves. Cat Happy

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