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Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Thinking it might be okay to leave unedited @Teej, owing to the support you have just given me and some home truths coming forward from your own experience in a similar arena.  The kids want me to settle for less to help things settle, but they don't know the nature of the beast involved ..... "settle" won't be permitted.  Double-binds are the order of the day, and it won't be until they are on the recieiving end of them that they will understand that what appears to be fair-ish is anything but when you can see the birds eye view of the landscape, and what appears to be leading to resolution is a deception and a hall of mirrors.

 

It will all come out in the wash.  I just have to focus on surviving the washing machine, which I am trying to do in arty style and good (unicorn) taste.  Some days are just for breathing through tho ..... you know that.

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Yeah it will work out @Faith-and-Hope . My second point is don't force settlement quickly if you don't need to. I had power plays even after the money was in the conveyancer hands. He tried to change stuff from the court order. I was ok to sit on my hands until he realised he couldn't win. 

I know you can't talk through much but please tag me here if you want to vent or need support. I have a pitch fork ready 😜. I might not get it for a few days but I will get it and respond. I'm imagining the worst is still yet to come. 


I'm hoping COVID lockdowns are a blessing and some breathing space more than anything else. 

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Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

PS @Faith-and-Hope I'm going to go to bed and try to do the sleep thing while eyelids are drooping. 💜🤗

 

I may not be forumming tomorrow as it's a busy day and psych day. I'm usually still wrecked after and anxious before. Hopefully back Thursday though. 

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Thanks @Teej ...,,. I still revisit our convos from the early years here, when I was travelling and our timeframes aligned.  I know I have done the best I knew how to do, and there is some relief in an explanation that has hit the bullseye ..... (bull-other-stuff maybe ?) after so much confusion for so long ..... confusion and dissonance by design, it seems.  A tiger is known by its stripes, as they say.

 

Yep, have to watch for flying monkeys, but eventually I will be third down the line, and then maybe fourth, or fifth ..... and the flying monkeys will be entertained by my replacements.

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

💜💤 G'night @Teej ..... and thanks again.

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Lol with the monkeys @Faith-and-Hope 

 

Goodnight 💜🤗

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

@Zoe7 @Shaz51 .... just repeating these posts here for the support of folks on the carer side who might be facing something similar.

 

I will pass your greetings to the kids virtually this time ..... the :pile_of_poo: being created around our situation by s2bx has made them resistant to any "outside" greetings, including friends and family beyond those they reach out to personally (eg. online gaming).  They are just bunkering down and waiting for the 🌊 to pass over them I think.

 

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

That's the sort of damage NPD does to a family ..... unfortunately.  


All the other possible conditions I had been looking at are actually closely related to NPD in their presentation / symptoms ..... and while there is still no diagnosis, if it is not NPD, then it has certainly left no boxes unticked on the checklist of behaviours, including the systematic destruction of relationships through the NPD cycle of enchantment-devaluation-discard.  

 

I saw it in operation amongst others of his family members, (it often exists in a whole family network) but he masqueraded very well behind his workaholism until our business was sold ..... and addictions are usually present, which explains the e.d. behaviours and tracking / surveillance / need to control everything and everyone, amongst other things, that broke out after that.

 

I need to get as free of him as I can, but he took emotional "hostages" before he left ......

 

These are dark days, but I will be far and away from them one day, and living life on my own terms.

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

I just wanted to double back on what I wrote before, and say that the other conditions I was looking at, wondering if they were what we were battling in s2bx, are similar in presentations and symptoms, but not at all the same ..... the motivations and underlying  drive is very different.   

At least I know I did my best, but if I had known that this was (probably) what I was up against, I would have found a way to leave well before the discard .... now I just have to trust that the timing was right for us, no matter how 🌵 things are right now.

 

Hopefully my baby dragons will grow into a knowing that it was the right thing to do too, as time unfolds our new directions.

Re: Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

they will @Faith-and-Hope HeartHeart

and sitting with you xxxxx

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