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Tyler77
Senior Contributor

Coping with M.I. and addiction...

So it's been a long time since I have been posting up here and chatting with you all regularly.  

So i figured I bring you all up to speed on me and my issues ( if your interested)

 

I am a active addict, not a recovering addict.  I am actively engaged in the use and abuse of addictive substances.  My personal favorites, ones I use almost daily, are stimulants, alcohol and cannabis.  I also Am diagnosed with Schizo-affective disorder.  Which is like bipolar and schizophrenia had a offspring, it would be schizo-affective disorder.  

I have effectively not so much destroyed my life, but watched passively as it got destroyed and worse and worse.  I was diagnoised in my mid twenties.  Prior to having the diagnosis, I was doing amazing in school, had a bright future ahead of me and had a great fiance and friends.  However, that quickly changed as my disease progressed and hospitalizations followed.  I lost my fiance, my friends wanted nothing to do with me, and my hard work in school didnt pay off cause i couldnt hold down a job.  As i spiraled into deeper depression, I sought comfort in drugs and food(Food in my opinion is one of the most commonly abused drugs there is)...I put on over 100lbs.  I who once was a aesthetic and sensual being, became a extremely overweight, depressed slob with poor hygeine.  

I have recovered somewhat, in that i have not had any hospitalizations for the past 7 years.  Medication seems to be working on not letting me reach too far an extreme one way or another.  But my hopes and my dreams for having a fun and fufilling life have been shaken badly if not shattered.  Due to this, this knowledge of the severity of my illness and what I have lost...I have been unable to distance myself from the mind numbing drugs which make existence just a bit less painful.  

I have tried different recovery programs, AA and NA and inpatient and outpatient rehab...

Nothing seems to work.  

I seem to want to drink and drug my days and nights away, no matter the likelihood of my earlier than normal demise.  Which will likely occur earlier than had I lived a healthy lifestyle.

Am I wrong to throw in the towel and just focus on getting drunk and high daily?

I mean, what other choice do I have?  

The life I would lead even if I was sober and clean would be likely unenjoyable.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Coping with M.I. and addiction...

Hi @Tyler77,

welcome back into the fold! Smiley Wink I can relate about the substance use... my personal favorites are alcohol and minor tranquilizers. It the distant past I used a lot of canabis, too. I also liked taking very strong pain medications- when I could get my hands on them, which was not often. 

I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I am doing well right now.

At the moment I'm just enjoying drinking alcohol, but not every day.

All I can think of is perhaps going to an experienced psychologist and discussing your addictions at length. You don't have to go 'cold turkey' to do this. You can just think about having an occasional drug free day and perhaps cutting down in general, if you can. Don't treat it as 'all or nothing', if this is too daunting for you. 

You don't have to stop self-medicating tomorrow, but you do have to be open to believing that being able to stop is possible. 

If your psych meds are working for you and you don't suffer bad highs or lows- then you have a good chance of being able to get on top of this. Do you do any exercise? I find that walking and cycling and especially yoga really helps me. 

Re: Coping with M.I. and addiction...

Hello @Tyler77

Thank you for sharing your story, it seems like you are having some troubles enjoying the sober lifestyle, this is a big part of recovery as generally the sober life has many negatives and you really need to push yourself to find the positives to keep trying to be sober, this includes short term and long term goals. 

It interesting that you use both stimulants and depressants, do you use them one after the other? And the positives of using them seem to be pleasure, would you say?

It can be helpful to try to find some other things that bring you pleasure, small dopamine hits, maybe that is food for now, you can't possibly go off all of them at once when you have coped with them all for so long.

It is really important that you find things that are fun and fulfilling and that give you growth and meaning. This is important for anyone but especially if you are used to those instant hits of pleasure, which can be really hard to replace. Are there any things that you would like to be involved in or bring into your life? Such as volunteering, exercise, healthy lifestyle, reading, walking, etc?

Lunar

 

Re: Coping with M.I. and addiction...

Hi there,
I don't have much advise as I find myself in a similar situation so I understand and appreciate you sharing. It's such a difficult loop to break from...going round in circles with addiction is tiring...I can't seem to break the patterns either
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