Lived Experience Forum

[Flanaganj67]

IS there anyone out there that is daling with destructive bipolar?

[Amber]

Hi Flanagan

Are you prepared to be more specific?

Amber

[Flanaganj67]

Hello Amber

I have quit several  for no reason, lost most friends for being inconsistent, filed BK in 2009 and have most recently been chanrged with a criminal offence due to my compulsion in anti-social behaviour.  It has caused substantial stress on everyine in my family and of course over the last two or three weeks, I have been in psychotic depression.

I have attended 15 universities, had multiple relationships that failed and used alcohol to aid me through both ups and done.

I have removed alcohol from my life successfully, tried to be open and honest about the issue to my wife and kids (they are supportive) but I continue to act as if I am king of Australia without understanding or at least appreciating the consequences.

It goes on and i am happy to share more but that gives you a starting point.

[Amber]

Whoa.  I would 'like' your post for being so open and honest but it doesn't seem an appropriate word to use.

Of course, I'm not a health professional, so I don't I have the necessary skills to help you and I can't really give you advice.  However, if you don't already see a clinical psychologist or appropriate therapist, it may be a starting point for you.  From my own experiences, it is difficult to 'fix' things unless you understand the 'why' first.  But then again, some things are beyond our reasoning so I have learned to let them go.  Sometimes I have tried to 'reinvent' myself by starting afresh.  I have also found it useful not to use the 'blame game' and that includes myself.  It is difficult to change behaviours but once you identify the traits you would like to bring into your life someone may be able to guide you to achieve your goals.  It sounds as though you have insight and you want to make positive changes in your life as you have already given up alcohol.  You must be intelligent to have got into 15 universities!

I also have Bi-Polar but, as you would know, there is a range from mild to extreme.  It is possible to manage the condition with medication and therapy as I now do.  You need patience as it can take a while to find the right medication, and the right therapist that you feel comfortable with.  Many people have a tendency to sabotage their own success through fear, but I don't believe it necessarily means they have a mental illness.  A Men's Support Group may be useful to you as well.

From my experience, you just have to start from wherever you are now and move forward.

Hope I could help in some small way.

Amber

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Flanagan,
I think Amber is right on the money with regard to trying some professional and informal supports. What really stood out to me is King of the World. If you can see that, perhaps you might be able to catch yourself in the thought or action that is "king of the world" and stop, take some time and think, is this who I want to be? As it seems to me, that you don't want to cause hurt, harm or distress to your family. It is hard work learning new ways to live, but it is never too late, and any step forward is a step toward to the life you want to lead..and who you really want to be...

[kristin]

Hi Flanagan,

I have bipolar type1, and in hindsight I can see I probably have for most of my life.

I know this is probably going to be cold comfort at the moment, but there are almost certainly reasons why you're feeling and acting out in this way - which you may be mainly or even completely unaware of. I say this because for most of my 35 years of suffering with mental illness I was missing most of the central pieces to the why? puzzle. I have some now but it's been a long gruelling road - worthwhile though :-).

LIke Amber I'd really encourage you to get help, including supportive professional help. I'd also encourage you to look at what means most to you in your life. You mentioned your wife and children and they are trying to be supportive. One of the main drivers for me to work on my stuff is, and has been for nearly 20years, protecting my kids from the fallout of my illness. It's a huge incentive to work on stuff and look at things that quite frankly otherwise I wouldn't have had the courage. I know whatever I don't deal with - they will wear it.

It is incredibly important to take charge of this process yourself as much as you can. You suffer the consequences of the illness, as do your family. This is not a judgement, it's an encouragement to take a proactive approach to your illness. You are highly intelligent; as much as you can educate yourself about your illness and effective treatments. Try things, and don't give up. It may be a long hard road but it is a journey worth taking I assure you!

Something that has really helped me of recent times, which I wish I had found many years ago, is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which uses mindfulness practices. You can Google them, I noticed the Black Dog Institute has some stuff on mindfulness so that might be somewhere to start.

I hope some of this is of help, you sound like you really need it.

Best regards,

Kristin

[Alessandra1992]

ACT is extremely helpful in building a foundation for living aligned to your values. I have found it immensely helpful. To take the King of Australia analogy a different way, what kind of King would you like to be?
Wise? Loyal? Patient? Fair? Kind? Responsible? Loving?
And sometimes being in charge is not all it's cracked up to be, it can be quite exhausting being responsible for everyone else's welfare...
Hopefully your tide is turning and the destructive phases will lessen over time...I hope they do...

[Lilly]

I have bipolar type 2 and have hyopmanic and depressive phases, sometimes in the same day. This has caused alot of problems for me too.

It has taken many years but is now controlled with medications as well as seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist (less frequently now that its stabilised). This hasn't made my bipolar completely disappear but my moods don't swing as much as they used to so I can now stay on top of it. I also use a mood journal to keep track of my moods, medications and life events, as I find it is things that happen in my daily life that affect me the most. So learning my triggers has been very helpful, as well as the warning signs that I am going into a hypomanic phase or depressive phase, so that I can prevent it from getting out of control. A psychologist can help you identify your triggers, warning signs and preventative actions.

Happy to provide any extra info if you need 🙂

[Flanaganj67]

Thanks for all those that have contributed and viewed this thread.  I have always searched for support but most people turn their backs on people like me.  I am one of the sufferers that also have a borderline personality disorder and working through all the spider webs is hard and requires understanding for most people.  My family is the life saving that I have at the moment; without them, I would have been in a very dark place.  Professional staff are not as interested in the anti-social behaviour.  It is not that I am doign things that are terribly wrong but understanding the gravity of multiple small things adds up and people loose patience.  I am trying but I am running ut of options.  Now, I am seeking profesisonal hep but the access to services is extremely poor and especially when their are so many cliuds around you.

[Alessandra1992]

Hang in there Flanagan..you are doing your best and perhaps one of your undervalued roles, is that you are challenging service staff to be patient, to hang in there with you and be brave to try new strategies...be kind to yourself..you are trying and that's a positive mental attitude in action...