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Barely coping

Hey. I've read a few people's stories, and it makes me feel like I actually have it easy. But tonight I'm not doing so well and I just need a place where I can say I'm really hurting. My boyfriend has had anxiety and depression for years, but it's mainly been under control. Four months ago he had a breakdown. In a nutshell, his medications had gone haywire, and he's in the process of weaning off benzodiazapines and trying different antidepressants. I have depression too, and sometimes being the strong one all the time just takes it's toll. Today was actually a really good day, and then I opened my big mouth and said the wrong thing and ruined everything. It's such a lonely feeling. Thanks for making this space!

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Barely coping

Hi and welcome.  It's great that you've managed to reach out to others during this difficult time.  It makes a huge difference when you feel less alone in what you're going through.  I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's depression.   I have a son with depression/anxiety and I know how taxing it is to be a carer, and even more so when you're suffering with depression.  Go easy on yourself and don't blame yourself for saying the wrong thing.  We're all human and we do make mistakes sometimes.  Don't minimise how stressful it is dealing with someone who suffers with a mental illness.  It is very difficult and can at times feel frustrating and overwhelming.  Just remember that 24/7 support is available if you're feeling overwhelmed and depressed - e.g Lifeline or Beyond Blue.  Sometimes talking helps get you over these moments, as is taking the time/trouble to do something nice for yourself e.g. watch a movie, read a book, take a bath, go for a walk. 

Janna ❤️

Re: Barely coping

Thanks Janna Smiley Happy

Re: Barely coping

Hi @wondermore,

Welcome to the forums. Like @Janna said its great that you reached out and i hope this space can help you feel less alone.

What she said about going easy on yourself is so true, but also (and this may not be what happened but) sometimes what would ordinarily be a fine and normal thing to say can be someones trigger, that doesnt make us responsible for the persons happiness or make us bad/wrong and what negatively triggers them may change. It just means that the person is struggling and sensitve because their energy is being used to cope moment by moment, in a situation where everyone is just trying to do their best.  

It sounds like you have been very strong. Try not to compare how easy/hard people have it, the fact that you are struggling means that this is real and deserves recognition, not dimissal as easy in comparison.

unfortunately anxiety and depression effect so many people in so many ways and for so many reasons... i have seen a couple of threads on here like this and this that you may find interesting...

Does anyone have any tips, advice or experiences that they can share?  @WombatBoots @mountain @Tatsinda @hippyjingle67

Re: Barely coping

Thanks so much. I will definitely keep reading these threads. It is just good though to have somewhere where I can say "This is hard". So many times I've been tempted to scream out something on Facebook...which I know is a terrible idea. Sometimes I feel resentful because I feel like my friends, or my boyfriend's friends don't care. I know this is unfair, and they all have their own lives and struggles. This forum is such a good place to be anonymous but not alone.

Re: Barely coping

Hi Wondermore,

Congrats on reaching out.  Definitely scream here if you need to, we all understand.

Please take the time to be kind to yourself - you are doing the best you can in this moment and the next and the next! 

I think that at some stage all us carers feel some resentment at some time towards someone or something, we have beaten ourselves up for thinking we have said the wrong thing at the wrong time.  This is normal whatever that means ;-)  so you are not alone.

So again be kind to yourself, do something you enjoy or if this is too hard,  find something you absolutely love, even something simple that brings you pleasure and joy and focus for awhile on that and only that for awhile.  For me something simple is chocolate - I think about the different tastes of it, the feel of it in my mouth, the joy of it melting in my mouth before I swallow ahhh the joy.  It always brings a smile to my face and when I smile I feel better.

Just keep reaching out.

Mountain

Re: Barely coping

hey darln, beleive me  i know what your feeling because i have been there myself. my partner of nearly 10 years, has major depression/anxiety, and its so horrible, more for him than me. a few years ago i got depressed to and had to go on anti depressants to cope with him, because i thought i wasnt doing enough for him. however, this was not the case at all, in fact i started to enable him, meaning doing to much, and forgetting about the things that i like to do, reading walking music crafts. the one thing you cant do is forget about you and what you need, makes it hard when you have depression too. being a carer is damned hard, its the hardest thing i have ever been involved in, but at the same time i wouldnt be anywhere else, he is the love of my life, and he is so worth it. so my advice to you is, please be kind to yourself do kind things for yourself and dont get caught up in his depression, because it will take you deeper into your own, try and focus on the positives. depression is a horrible debilitating disease of the mind, and i hate what it does to people in general, but especially to someone who i love with all of my heart and soul. take care of you xx bye for now xx

Re: Barely coping

Hello.

Sometimes it just doesn't matter what you say to your depressed person they will jump down your throat. And yes it does hurt terribly sometimes and you are made to feel like it is all your fault , everything is your fault. Even after living with my husbands depression and anxiety for 20 years I still get offended and upset at his outbursts. But at other times I also know that they are just words and I can let them go.  It is indeed a cruel disease that by and large they have no control over!

 

Re: Barely coping

Thanks so much for sharing your own experiences. You are amazing. I've been thinking about different types of love lately. My love for my child is truly unconditional, since before I ever met him or knew his character. Short of him becoming a serial killer, I will always love, love, love him....no matter what. Partners are a little different. We choose a partner in the first place because we like their character. And then we promise to love them. It's hard when that character changes. Of course there are situations when leaving is the right thing to do. When it's not extreme enough to leave...but they are quite unlikeable...well...it certainly puts that love to the test. Thanks everyone.

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