BPD and self destruction

[BlueBay]

I have BPD, diagnosed 9 years ago. 

For a while now I’ve been self destructing ie stopping all my meds. I’ve been told that It’s a form of self harm/sabotage. 

I don’t understand the reason why I do this. The thing I do know is that when this happens I spiral right out of control and end up in hospital. 

I also thought - do I do this as a cry for help?  To be listened to snd ti be validated. 

I wonder also if there’s a pattern of behaviour before i get to the point of self sabotage with my meds. 

Are there others on here with BPD that have done or do the same. And if so how do you stop yourself. 

[outlander]

hey @BlueBay i do have BPD but im not sure i sabotage myself in the way you do. i more self harm, do quite irrational things like shopping sprees even with limited money, speeding and risk driving.
i have also been told not seeking help or doing as the psych/health professional has suggested is also a form of self sabotage.

[BlueBay]

Hi @outlander 

Sometimes I don’t do what my psych suggest too.

 Can I ask is there a reason for you? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. 

I know I struggle to get better because I have a huge fear of being abandoned by my support people. It’s an overwhelming fear. Scary. 

It’s so hard having BPD. It’s a real struggle and hard to explain to others. 

[outlander]

Hi @BlueBay
When you say 'is there a reason for you?' Are you refferring to the psych homework or the sabotage in general?

[Sans911]

I'm hearing you @BlueBay re: abandonment. I've been diagnosed with BPD too.

So I get you @BlueBay. BPD is hard to deal with. And hard to explain to people who don't have it. Hugs for you

[BlueBay]

@outlander  No what I was asking was do you have a reason why you self harm or sabotage? Like fir me it’s to get people to listen to me. Also I think there’s more deep seated reasons but haven’t explored that yet. 

I was just wondering. Xx

[BlueBay]

Hugs @Sans911  

yeah I struggle a lot with abandonment. I was abandoned by my parents at a really difficult time and I’ve never got over it. 

Today I’m starting to feel destructive. I don’t know why. 

[Sans911]

Do you have any coping strategies to help you deal with the self destructive thoughts @BlueBay?

[traveller]

Hi @Sans911 

I am sorry to hear your support worker has left and that you are struggling with this and that it has triggered the abandonment thought for you. I just want to remind you that there are always supports around should you need to talk to someone.

Do you have someone you can speak to right now? Unfortunately, the Forums aren’t a counselling or crisis service, however you can call any of the following services for immediate support:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Take care of yourself.

regards Traveller

[outlander]

@BlueBay ill just take the girls to school and then will answer so i can give you a better response