Hi @DrKay and welcome to the forums. You sound like a wonderful mum who is at the end of her tether .....
First of all, there are many people here challenged with the personal walk with the disorders you have mentioned in regard to your daughter, primarily on the lived experience side of the forums, but some happen to be carer’s themselves. Even if we are not the ones “housing” these mental health issues, in walking along with those we love as they battle the condition/s, we realise that the issues belong to us as well ..... they are in our relationships, our hearts, and often our homes as well.
I also want to tell you that these forums friends attend various programs, such as CBT and DBT, and counselling with psychologists and psychiatrists ..... and the reason they do that, the reasons these programs and supports exist is because they build coping skills, and along with coping skills come the lessening of self-destructive behaviours.
Your 17 year old is also of an age when their hormones begin to converge in wild cocktails, so is exacerbated the problem, and addictions are reached for as coping and numbing devices. Having raised 5 “baby dragons” I can tell you that it does change progressively. The next 17 years will see her adult brain engage, presumably the inclusion in various behaviour-modifying courses, and a moving beyond the fear of the unknown that comes along when we are transitioning from childhood to adulthood ..... all the uncertainty, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, of not being good enough ..... operative word here - fear.
Try, if you can at this stage, to take one day at a time ..... stay in the day you are in, and encourage your daughters to do the same. I have found it really helps.
I hear your mother’s heart .... I hear you .....
💐💕
