Lived Experience Forum

[Pippyl]

Hi I've got another post but thought I'd start a new one.

looking to reach out to others with OCD I think finding others like me may help me cope and is the main reason I joined despite many issues. To know my backstory feel free to read my other post.

my OCD has gotten worse over time esp this year alongside with my many struggles which have manifested as OCD. I've lived with my parents the past 5 yrs as I've had nowhere to go and their living standard is not clean and I can't control it so it gets worse and now I literally stay in my room, don't eat, lost 25kgs for many reasons. But I know the OCD has a mind of it's own and it becomes irrational but I can't stop it. I think of germs 24/7 I don't want to touch anything, clean anything. I used to clean after everyone but I got fed up with it. They basically made us leave home coz of it along with my dependent child so now I jus avoid it so we have somewhere to live as I had no choice but to return. They are abusive Also if that wasn't obvious who kicks out a child to the street. Not the 1st time. The main things are the cat has flees so I freak whenever I find cat hair which is on all our clothes and also she doesn't clean herself, has faeces on her butt even found some on the sofa as she always sits there I would constantly put a sheet over it and mum refused to clean and keeps taking sheet off and I don't want anyone sitting there. There's also faeces on the carpet and my daughter walks barefoot. Mum wipes it then doesn't wash her hands and I find constantly on the door handle that everyone touches so my thinking is everything got faeces which I know it gets a bit silly. Mum likes putting her hands in the bin to touch rubbish sort recycling and then doesn't wash her hands then prepares food. I used to clean everything it was exhausting daily so know I jus freak. I can't be in the same room as her it's too stressful. She will put her hands in rubbish then get clean clothes off the line so I feel dirty constantly even after a shower coz I know she's touched the towel and all the clothes and also after touching the door she brings home the shopping so all the food is dirty I won't eat coz of it. I found a cockroach in the fridge months ago and she hasn't cleaned the fridge for 2 yrs so I won't touc the fridge this is why I've given up in food it's happened many times I think they come from the apples. Then if the cat food is touching other food I won't eat it and then everything's dirty. I know the basics are rational but then what my mind decides is dirty is not and I really need help with it. I've tried meds they don't work for me I had to stop. I've tried changing my perspective around some of it. I'm trying so had to get my own place and can't wait for the day I can clean everything! But also the idea of that is jus silly. I can't live like this. I'm looked at by everyone like I'm crazy for not being like her. And also she will do things jus to annoy me coz she's a narc.. 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Pippyl , I can relate to this as I am germophobic (diagnosed with OCD germophobia) as well. I am really sorry to hear about your living situation - I can hear how much of a bad effect it's having on you. Are you diagnosed? It sounds like you are, if you were on meds before for it...

I am wondering if you can get help through a support worker, to find your own place? Could you afford your own place? The reason I say this is that this is having a detrimental effect on your health (losing 25kg and not eating) and your mental health.

I am not actually sure how someone gets a support worker, so need others on here to give advice about that...

The other thing I thought of is whether you have a counsellor /psychologist? They could really help to work through these issues and maybe give you some stragies to cope...

I am just really sorry to hear about the contamination issues (that I can really relate to). 😞

Wishing you all the best, @Pippyl ...

[Maggie]

@Pippyl  It sounds awful, really awful.

If you have NDIS, you should be able to get a support worker, otherwise, I think a social worker might be able to help, or find help for you.

@Appleblossom  might have more helpful info.

Take care.

@NatureLover 👋🏻👋🏻💙💙

[NatureLover]

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@Maggie wrote:

If you have NDIS, you should be able to get a support worker, otherwise, I think a social worker might be able to help, or find help for you.

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Thanks, @Maggie  🙂 I had forgotten about a social worker. 

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member 

@NatureLover, @Pippyl , @Maggie 

[Pippyl]

Hi again @NatureLover sorry for late response. I guess my situation has changed but I feel the germs have followed me to my new place and to clean every item has become overwhelming I've tried twice and burnt myself out so I still have boxes everywhere and don't know where to begin. I'm eating much better now I think I've put on a little weight I don't know but I think I'm in a healthy range. They have diagnosed me with all sorts, some which other professionals disagree with so I don't know they say I have OCD tendicies and some agree I have it but don't formally diagnose me. I don't understand why it would be anything else but OCD. I got some help for a removalist but yeah they just put everything everywhere. I gave up looking for property as I was so distressed so I just got a rental for now. In the garden there are rats and a lot of cockroaches like 60 I killed in the garden. So this is like the worst place I could be as I don't know how to escape it or deal with it. I want to leave but I can't even function or clean up, sort stuff, so I feel really trapped. It was supposed to be the start of our new lives and now I'm just stuck on this rut 

[Pippyl]

Hi @Maggie  sorry for late reply. I don't have ndis, social workers have been talking about it for so long. I've been stuffed around with centrelink for so long. It's so hard for me to even engage with anyone because I worry about contamination so help is there but I'm too scared to see people so I don't know how to be helped or help myself. I've tried asking for help so many times and I just get sent elsewhere and talking doesn't help much anymore. I don't know what to do I know I need to take action but I feel it's pointless 

[flybluebird]

Hi @Pippyl 
Just letting you know that I have replied to another one of your previous posts - just wanted to hold space for your experience and current situation living with OCD. 

I can hear how hard it is for you right now & that it's having a big impact on your life.

In my previous post I offered some resources but I might just reach out to you via email as well just to check in.

Hope you can find comfort in others here on the forums who can relate to what you're going through. 

Flybluebird

[Pippyl]

@flybluebird thank you I will check it out 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Pippyl , I'm glad you managed to get your own place, sorry though that it has its own issues.

I'm happy that you're eating much better as a result of the move. 

It definitely sounds like OCD to me, although of course I'm not a doctor, just comparing it to my own OCD, it sounds similar. 

Sending (virtual) hugs...