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Former-Member
Not applicable

Anxiety

Hi, my husband has had OCD, anxiety and depression for at least 25 plus years. We have been married for over 20 years. He has had periods of time when his mental health is manageable and other times extreme. He has accessed his GP and medication.

His main area of anxiety is work. Over the last 20 plus years, he has tried numerous jobs in the same field and he reaches a peak in anxiety getting very obsessive about either work load, routines or others having different roles. He has left jobs and I am usually the one to pick up the pieces. Dropping in resignation letters, keys and me crying. Some of these jobs have been ordinary but one has remained consistent. His current job he has left and returned 3 times. I believe this workplace are supportive and understanding but a current issue he has is with others supposably being treated in a more lenient manner. He is now talking obsessively about finding a different job and he is not getting any younger. As a result of years of this behaviour, I am now experiencing panic/anxiety feelings every time he mentions changing jobs. I have accessed my GP etc in the past to try and help. My husband is aware that his behaviour /health makes me anxious but either doesn’t care or because of his own health isn’t able to process that. Obviously he has other issues with the OCD that can be tricky but we have learnt to adapt. I feel at my wits end and whilst I have been supportive in the past, I am finding it more and more challenging to stay in a relationship that is affecting my health. I am aware that people change jobs all of the time but the circumstances surrounding this are tricky. I care about my husband and children but fed up with issues impacting our quality of life.

I find it so tricky to talk to him about the impact he is having, as he becomes defensive. He has blamed me in the past for his employment decisions. 

3 REPLIES 3
David_888
Senior Contributor

Re: Anxiety

@Former-Member 

 

When doing things at a fast pace we "usually" use just the front part of our head.

 

However we also "usually" use the back part of our head to deal with the effects of the things against our head [The subconscious].

 

Electricity from various sources goes against our head. It is inherently against us. As as we shape it we create the sub, the con and the suss.

 

If you can distinguish the subconsuss you will notice that it has been the vague constant shadow over all things. 

 

 

Re: Anxiety

Dear @Former-Member 

 

I hear your frustrations, I also sound like your husband. I know it must be difficult to live and deal with somebody with mental illness.

As a suffer of 30plus years I know the pain too well. I suffer my OCD, critical depression, bi polar and mood disorder.

I know it must be hard to live and deal with somebody with mental illness, you've last 20years so you must be a person of strong character. Your husband loves you, don't think that he doesn't, people with mental illness have good days and bad days, when we are hurting with struggles of life, we feel overwhelmed by these emotions, whether it's pass trauma, chemical imbalance or due to poor choices in past life. We tend to push away people who love us, we don't want to infect them with our pain, we know you care and love us, but a lot you just can't do for us. 

People of mental illness wouldn't wish this disease on anybody, it affects us - physically, mentally and psychologically. It's just about management, just like asthma  needs to be managed through the seasons, so does mental illness need to be managed through seasons of life.

My thoughts why he constantly changes jobs or doesn't chat to you is that we don't like people getting close to us! When people i.e in the work place get close to us, meaning better relationship with us, that scares us, as majority of the the time with don't like ourselves, low self esteem and self worth, we don't want people to find out or get close to us as we've encountered many people that we have let down, or people whom have let us down.

Please Lou8 don't give up, your doing well. Seek support for yourself, as it sounds like this is build up stress, just like a kettle, the pressure i.e steam needs to be released. But you need to release that internal pressure from your husbands mental illness by focusing on your health. That could be through fitness, one of the best if not the best therapy of mental and physical stress. Other ideas are do things that give you pleasure?

Walking, visit the beach, read a book, watch a funny movie or show, coffee with a friend, gym or fitness, cold showers or ice baths, yoga or tai chi. The list is endless, but find something for you!!! 

Wishing you the greatest success and being that wonderful support wife, mother and especially friend to your husband as a mental health person.

God bless 🙏

TuxedoCat
Senior Contributor

Re: Anxiety

hey @Former-Member ❤️ This sounds like such a difficult situation. I can tell that you care for him, but that it's having a real impact on you. It's no wonder you're questioning the relationship, even after so long. 

 

Firstly, I really recommend getting some mental health support for yourself. It sounds like you've put a lot of energy and care into supporting your husband, even going to the GP to find out how to help him. You could call or email the SANE drop-in line or check-out the Carers Gateway ❤️ 

 

Secondly, it sounds like over the last 20 years, you two have grown and changed a lot. Whatever decision you make is completely valid. But I thought I'd share the Relationships Australia (they have state-based subsidiaries found through the website). They have some great resources and can offer relationship counselling (realtively affordable as they are not-for-profit) and have resources on separation. Especially if it's difficult to have these conversations. I've found them really useful in the past ❤️  

 

How have you been going with this the last few days?

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