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B45
Senior Contributor

Advice

I don't have people I can talk to about my issues so you guys are it.  This one is to do with the lovely young man I met a few months ago.  We only had a short time together but I felt a connection, nothing sexual whatsoever.  I kept in contact with him via a private messaging app, I did most of the contacting as he is busy working & could only respond when he could.  My husband discovered the conversations & I did not know he knew until a week after he found them.  In that time he had taken legal action against this guy & his employer, I was horiified as my husband had not come to me first, I didn't get a chance to put voice forward & he jumped to a few conclusions.  My husband has been good with me, not angry although he probably doesn't want to upset me cause of my anxiety.  I am starting to find my voice & stand up to him.  I can see with this situation that I am in the wrong & take full blame for what has happened.  I've asked a couple of times for him to drop the legal action against the other party.  He said he is just going to leave it.  For the first time in my life I feel I am going to stand my ground on this.  I will not let it go further as I am the only one to blame, the other party did nothing wrong & my husband should have come to me first rather than doing what he did. Is there a way I can encourage him to drop the action as it's not fair on anyone to have this hanging.  Your opinions.

2 REPLIES 2
Scout
Senior Contributor

Re: Advice

Hi @B45 - this is pretty stressful. You sound as if you'd started talking to another person and your husband wasn't up front or could communicate with you about it. Your husband starting legal proceedings is quite alarming, I'm not too sure what the details are around the case or what your husband aims for by doing this, but I feel for you in trying to reduce the damage of starting a new friendship or connection. 

You sound as though you feel strong and able to stay that way in the face of your husband's actions. I am glad to read that, and if you'd like some options or good reflections you've come to right place. Is this a part of your husband's typical reaction to difficult sitations, or is it new? Has talking to him in the past helped reduce his anxiety about this? Keeping the boundaries clear with him is usually a good start, but I don't know if or what you've tried in the past...

Re: Advice

Is your husband over reacting and possessive?

Are there any actual legal things the other party did that was wrong .. otherwise your husband could be seen as a vexatious litigant and wasting the court's time.

I dont think it is a crime to speak with other people when married.

To jump to legal action witout discussing it with you sounds strange to me.

Good Luck

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