Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Yes thanks, I'm home and had a sleep. Feeling a little less hyperaroused than I was earlier @Anastasia @Snowie .

The emergency hugs were much appreciated @Former-Member .

Sorry everyone else I havent tagged, I will respond to more of you when I can. Just not feeling up to it yet.

 

Emelia 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Oh Em I'm so sorry today was a :pile_of_poo: day 😩

Thank goodness you have three days at home now.

Sitting with you my dear friend 🤗💞

@Emelia8 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8

❤️💖💞

Screenshot_2021-01-14-17-55-02-18.jpg

 

Screenshot_2021-01-14-17-58-54-76.jpg

 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Yes thats right @Anastasia ... I'm happy about having the 3 days off now.  

Back to it again next Monday, and for 5 days 😵 but at least I wont have to drive every day.

 

So annoyed with myself today.  Tues and Wed I had a lovely team of radiation techs, all female.  There are always 2 at all times, and I had the same two for my first two days.  And I was fine.  Today though ... one of the techs was a male, and the other was a different female to what I had before. I just wasnt expecting that.  They were both lovely .. they did nothing wrong.  It was just me.  You have to wear that white linen gown, but once you're in there you have to remove it to the waist.  So you are fully exposed from the waist up for the whole time you're on the table. I know its necessary, so they can line up all the blasted tattoos etc.  Its quite a process getting everything properly lined up each day.  Its a very exact science.

 

So when the male tech came over and asked if he could lower the gown, I started to go into minor panic mode. I said yes, because I know it had to be done. But my mind went elsewhere.  He was kind and helpful and just did what he had to do. Once you're positioned properly they put your arms up above your head and you're kind of anchored in for the duration of your treatment.  Unfortunately I was already triggered and feeling quite sick. I guess with February coming up so quickly, I am more easily triggered right now. The radiation tech being male, the arm positioning and being restrained, brought back too many traumatic memories.

 

So when it came to the bit where they ask you to take a slow deep breath and hold it ... while they radiate ... I wasnt able to do it. My breathing was ragged and not slow at all. The reason they need to do that is to protect the heart and lungs from the radiation, otherwise they get zapped too.  So the proper breathing is a quite important part of the process.  They come back into the room to check on me, because all the notes said I'd had no problems with it in the previous days. I couldnt tell them why, just cried.  So they waited and I eventually managed to do what was needed. It just took a lot longer than it should have done.

 

Its all really silly, but my head is silly right now.  None of this is rational at all.

 

Emelia 💞

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Oh Em, I totally get it and can 100% understand why you felt the way you did. I'm so sorry. Is it possible to get in touch with them tomorrow and explain that you can only have female techs?

I'm actually really surprised they had a male attending to you regardless!!!! Personally I would not have liked having a male during my in comparison very minor tests. I wish I could call them for you. Oh hunny I just want to hug you right now. ☹️😭🤗💞

@Emelia8 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

It is not silly @Emelia8 

The feelings you had are very real and valid.

You are showing such strength just getting through the days.

Hugs and hugs hun 💜💜

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Thank you for understanding @Anastasia 💕 @Snowie 💕

Like I said in my post .. it really isnt rational ... but its very real.

 

I'm still quite triggered now, and a little worried about being here on my own tonight. 

But I dont think I can be here ... I've already stuffed up and had a post removed.  I cannot risk doing it again. 😔

 

I will have that cuppa you left me @Anastasia , and go drink it on my own, and smell the lovely flowers you delivered.

A hug would be nice too ... but I'm a bit sore tonight, so it needs to be gentle.

 

I should log off before I get into more trouble. Sorry Mods

 

Emelia 💞👋

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Gentle hugs coming your way @Emelia8 

 

It doesn't have to be rational hun.

Your history will rear it's ugly head at times and I'm just so sorry it was today. 

Please don't feel you have to go.

I've had posts removed, received emails, and get the edit message often...

Sometimes it doesn't make sense at the time but It's never personal hun, it's to keep us safe. I'm here for you having a cuppa too with you

@Emelia8 

 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

In fact that message needed editing and for the life of me I'm not sure why 😁😘

@Emelia8 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Sending you lots of tender hugs my sister xoxo  @Emelia8 🥰💝💝💖💖💐🌼🌹🌷🌺

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance