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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  you have a beautiful heart and a sweet sensitive soul. I wish more people could be more like you.

Thinking of you πŸ€—πŸŒΈπŸ’šxxx

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@angryant96  πŸ˜”  Thank you for offering your perspective on things.  You are entitled to your opinion, as we all are. In principal I agree with much of what you said.  I too deplore bullying, and have been a victim of it myself in the past.

 

I will say however, that in posting what you did this morning, you have gone extremely close to causing what you said you wanted to prevent happening to others (ie pushing someone to the edge of suicide).  Sometimes, seemingly small things can be enough to tip someone over the edge.  And you have no idea of other things going on in my life right now.  I respect your right to state your opinion, but ask that you give some serious thought to what you could be doing to others.  Not only me, but to many others here who have so kindly defended me.

 

I hope you are okay @angryant96 and wish you well.

 

Emelia  πŸ’”

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

πŸ’–πŸΆ @Emelia8 πŸΆπŸ’–

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you.  I will try to tag you all, but I'm really in a bad way right now, so please forgive me if I miss anyone.  I will do my best. 

 

@Dec ... you're a gem, love you for coming to my defence.  @greenpea thanks Pea for all you do.

@NatureLover @eth @Schitzo @Dizzyizzy @Lee82  @Maggie @Shaz51 @Snowie @Myboy 

 

@Eve7 @WIP   I know this mornings post from @angryant96 caused you both a lot of distress, and I am really sorry it occurred on my thread.  Are you both okay?  I am concerned for you.

 

Today has been a real shocker.  Being labelled a bully started the day.  That was hard, because I abhor bullying in any form.  No doubt some of you will say I deserved what I got.  Maybe I did.  I've beaten myself up enough though, without someone else adding to it.  I had to pay a visit to the hospital earlier, which was a most difficult thing to do. And now, people know what a weak and deeply troubled soul I am.  I'm ashamed and embarrassed, but there is no hiding from it.  It happened. 

 

I also got notified today that my routine BreastScreen mammogram from last week has some problems and I need to have lots of tests.  Yes, I know all the stats ... one in 20 will need followup tests. And of those 9 out of 10 will not be cancer.  But my Mum died of advanced breast cancer only a little over a year ago.  And my grandmother died of it a long time ago.  Someone has to be that 1 in 10, so it may as well be me. 

 

Seems I'm being punished and deserve to die.  They made an appointment for me for next week for tests in the city for 4 hours.  I cancelled it. It clashed with one of hubbys appointments.  Besides, they said I should bring family or a friend.  I dont have any!  I dont have anyone to talk to about it, nobody I can seek assurance from or to calm me down.  I've been crying much of the day, between bullying allegations, likely cancer diagnoses and a trip to the hospital.

 

I just dont know any more.  I'm a lost soul, undeserving of anything good.  As I said, I'm not in a good place right now.  I hope I have not upset anyone.  Its not intended.

 

@Zoe7  ... thank you for your post.  I have more to say to you and will do so in a seperate post.  

 

Emelia  🌸

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Lovely to see all of the support here.

 

Just a gentle reminder, let's continue to work together to step away from this and back towards the peer support environment this service and its wonderful community are here for. 


Again, if this has brought anything up for anyone, please remember to take a break and/or reach out for some support if you need.


SANE Help Centre
1800 18 7263
 
Lifeline
13 11 14
 
Suicide Call Back Service
1300 659 467

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Zoe7 

 

Thank you for your message.  It was kind and thoughtful of you and I appreciate that.

Zoe, whatever went wrong between you and I?  Something changed between us way back in about March, and I've not been able to work out what caused that. We used to be so close, and I miss that very much. I must have hurt you very badly somewhere along the line and never knew it.  I searched my posts at the time, but was unable to identify what it might be.  I remain baffled to this day.

 

Zoe  the reason for this post is to tell you that I genuinely don't want you to take time out from the forum.  Have you considered how that will make me feel?  I feel bad enough as it is, without being told that you intend to take time out ... because of me. 

 

If you are not here, there are a great number of (long term and new) members who will be worse off for your absence. And even more who will be very saddened not to have your wise and supportive presence here. If you leave (even temporarily) because of me ... everyone will (rightly) blame me and resent me for it. Nobody wants to see their favourite member (thats you) hurting or leaving for any reason.

 

You are right ... I am very broken, vulnerable and needy right now.  And have felt that way for some time now. Its been one of my more difficult years, and I'm battling with myself every single day just to stay safe.  I have a lot going on now, and over the past few months, which I'm not dealing very well with. And each day seems to add to my 'lot'.

 

And yes, very true ... I do very much need the care, support and connections offered by the members of this beautiful community.  They, and you, are all very important to me.  I say you too Zoe, because I mean that ... you have always been a very important element in my love of the forums. You are one of the reasons I'm still here. Ever since I first joined on 24th Sept 2016 ... gosh its almost 4 years.  You joined a few months after me I think, but I recall that we had a strong connection from very early on.  And we have a great deal in common. I will go as far as to say that I considered you the best friend I never had before.  Which is why I cannot understand how or why it all came to this, and why it all hurts so much.

 

That aside Zoe ... this place is big enough, and has enough care and compassion for both of us.  It does not have to be either you or me ... there's room, and a very real need, for both of us at the same time. 

 

If you are really considering taking time out from the forums because of me .. then I sincerely hope you will re-consider.  I know the forums are as important to you as they are to me.  Without them I have nobody, and I dont want that for you.  Putting it plainly Zoe ... if you take time out because of me ... I'm not even sure I can be here any more.  And that would break me, even more than I'm already broken.

 

Of course, IF you are taking time out for any other reason, then of course I respect that choice. But I need to know that.  There really is no point in both of us falling on our swords, it helps nobody and only leads to more pain.

 

I wish that saying how genuinely sorry I am for any pain I have caused you, was enough .. because there isnt anything more I can do.  So this @Zoe7 is pleading with you not to stay away because of me.  We can work something out ... somehow.

 

Emelia πŸ˜”πŸ’”πŸΆ

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  Oh sweetheart you are so loved here on the forums. You are a kind gentle soul. I wish I could go with you to the breast check appointments. Just remember this the pea is a very good judge of character and you are a wonderful person. Always here for you. Love peaxxx

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Thank you @greenpea πŸ™ love you.  Its a two hour drive, and I was told I'd have to be there for 4 hours. I cancelled the appointment they made for me next week, but they made another for the week after.  I dont want to go.  I'm really scared Pea.

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  You have to go sweetheart. If you go I will do my best to be around and we can talk via the forums if that helps. Please promise me that you will go.xxx

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

❀️❀️❀️ @Emelia8 

I can't write at present. Not because of you but because I'm at work an hour after I finish and I need to get home. I did want to comment in the hope it shows how much I care about you. Xxx

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