Lived Experience Forum

[sotty]

Hi there,

I have been in hospital about 15 times with bipolar. every time i come out its like rehabilitation. I mean I get so so bored and feel like only half my brain works. i found i have to learn to be myself again. I don't know if anyone else feels like this. The boredom it the worst to face. If i do have things to do I don't have the motivation to follow through with them.  instead, Id rather lay on the bed there do something active but then feel bored and frustrated. so a bit of a catch 22. 

and in the past when i have got better, I feel like ive lost a piece of myself to my sickness. a loss of confidence and a part of my soul. nothing feels right for a long time. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @sotty. While I don't have experience with bipolar or multiple hospital admissions, I can understand the frustration, pain and loss that comes along with living with mental health issues. Hope you're able to find something helpful and supportive of you - this (the forums) is a great place to connect with others, of which I'm sure there are plenty who will understand also.

[Lunar]

Hi there @sotty welcome to the forums 🙂

Sorry to hear you are currently struggling with motivation and finding things that you enjoy which will help you with feeling less bored. What are some of these goals?

Sometimes it's helpful to break down goals into smaller more achievable tasks so they are more motivating and you are less likely to give up before you try, which can further make you feel horrible.

It's about taking baby steps towards goals, so for me one goal is getting healthier so I wanted to start exercising, so my first step towards that goal was going for a walk once a week, then a month later I went for a walk two times a week, then the next month I bought myself some new clothing to feel comfortable to exercise more in, making me more inclined to want to walk 3 times per week.....a few months after that I eventually did a trial of pilates, a really hard step to take but eventually I started also doing pialtes which I now love, it's just 2 times a week but helps a lot with how I feel so got there (6 months later) with small baby steps which I felt comfortable doing along the way. Ofcourse, there were weeks I didn't feel up to it, so I missed some sessions but that's okay I try not to get too down on myself for that even though I knew if I went I would feel better after but if I felt really tired or worn out I would just be kind to myself and sleep in.

That is just an example for me, but let's talk about one of your goals and see if we can break it down?

Lunar 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Hi @sotty,

After a stay in hospital it can take some time to feel recovered - similar to physical illnesses. The difference with a physical illness, is the stigma and emotions (e.g., shame) that come along with bipolar. 

I thought i'd point out some people whom you might be able to connect with. I understand that @Queenie, @Mazarita @Kurraand @mrkotter have bipolar, perhaps they can share some thoughts on leaving hospital (if they've been admitted). I understand @Blitter2016 has been to hospital. They've written about it here, and how their MI has impacted on their relationships. 

Also, next week, we'll be running a Topic Tuesday (TT) on bipolar and managing mania. If you don't know what TT is already, it's an online event where we talk about an issue from 7 - 9pm (AESDT), usually with a special guest. This month, we'll have people from Bipolar Australia. One of them, @SusanaBA, has lived experience, so she might be able to share some of her experiences with you, and you can also ask her questions. I hope you can make it.

[Mazarita]

Hi @sotty,

I have bipolar. Although I've never been admitted to hospital, I especially relate to the part of your post about losing a part of yourself in the process of the illness. This has especially happened to me after I've broken down out of jobs due to mental and physical illness. I feel I've lost some part of my vital spirit each time it's happened. For one period of time after a breakdown, I went to sleep for 20 hours a day for several months. I don't think I've fully recovered from that, which happened in 2008. I'm feel I'm in an ongoing process of rehabilitation that may go on all my life, to be honest. Small steps are highly celebrated in my life.

I'm depressed tonight, which is why my post probably sounds like such a downer. But I'm not saying I'm depressed all the time. These days, with better medication and counselling from my psychiatrist, I seem to exist in something of a mild 'mixed state' most of the time. This means that there are usually upbeat but not extremely high times coupled with features of depression. It balances out well enough for me to even say I have some contentment with my life, although I'm not able to work at anything aside from a passionate hobby.

I agree with @Lunar that small steps may work best. It helped me at one time to make up a daily activity list, which I almost never got through, but which did help me do more things than I previously was. Alternatively, there's a discussion thread on this forum called 'Daily Goals, Motivation and Check In' where a number of us try to help motivate each other to get things done in our days. You are welcome to jump in. 

Kind wishes.

[sotty]

Hi Lumar

a goal for me would be getting more exercise in there. But things feel really big and i like your note on baay steps towards hitting goals was great. the thought of leaving the house scares me but i just stay home doing nothing. so found i trap myself. i really like the thought on having support to achieve feeling normal again. i have a partner who is getting sick and tired on me not doing anything and is rasing concern in a relationship. he siad he can't do what he wants to do because he always worried about me. i just want to keep myself occupied during the day.  

[Lunar]

Hello @sotty

I am glad that made sense to you, It's great that you are now aware that staying at home is also preventing you from keeping preoccupied and that maybe leaving the house will be an option at some stage, it can be particularly hard though if your finding yourself feeling that pressure form your partner as they are raising concern. Try to focus on yourself and getting some support if you can, do you see a Psychologist at the moment? Or have anyone you can talk to? That extra support will really encourage and support you to make those small baby steps and decrease your fears.

How do you feel about looking into some extra support?

Lunar 

[sotty]

i do see a pysicolst( sorry spellling isn't to good. ) ive seen him once and waiting for monday to see him again. i want to do something now but don't know what to do. have the same problem as before. waiting for something but can't quite figure our what to do. 

[Lunar]

Hi there @sotty oh thats good, glad you are seeing them.

Okay well what do you think you feel up to just trying today? Could you try to do a little work out in your home, such as some stretches for 15minutes (baby steps) plus strecthing makes your body feel less tense

🙂

[sotty]

Hi Mazarita

thank you for your response. some days i get so bored and found mself in a picle, just laying on my bed wondering what i can be doing do not be in this state. (that;s the worse part of it for me at the moment). i joined a community group and have booked Wednesdays up by doing a computer class and volunteering to clean up after the community lunch then folloed by a game of cards and table tennis match. but yesgoing through the process you can lose yourself. afew years ago i to slept for hours and got up at 3pm. a lot of that was serious depression and not having the scoping skills to face the world. im glad im not alone and other people can share their stories with me.