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Looking after ourselves

TheVorticon
Senior Contributor

visible SH scars

Up until last week, it had been over a decade since anyone (aside from my partner) asked about my old self harm scars. I'd wondered if perhaps they'd faded enough to not be noticeable. Apparently not.

 

I had a lie at the ready. I'd prepared it in advance for just this very occasion and pulled it off easily.

 

It's just a weird thing. They'll always be with me. I don't mind these ones, they kind of make me feel tough in a weird sort of way. That's how I felt when I was causing them too. Like it was proof that no one could hurt me if I could do this to myself. Sometimes I still want to do it, even though it's been years since I last did the particular self harm thing that caused that.

I have others in another location that I associate with weakness instead. Those weakness ones will always be noticeable but they're almost always covered by clothing. So I guess that's fortunate.

 

I dunno what this post was meant to be about, just stuff on my mind because of being asked about stuff I guess.

26 REPLIES 26

Re: visible SH scars

@TheVorticon  I read your post and went off to think a bit before responding.

 

I am the same, I have a lie that seems to work, or possibly makes me look stupid, not always sure which, but in the moment, it’s better than exposure. I’m ashamed, and hate admitting that, but in the past I’ve been shamed, and labelled, attention seeker, which I’m sooooooo not. 

 

I dont think thinking about responding has helped to make any reasonable kind of response. Maybe hearing you, or hitting the support button would have been

 better.

So, just in case it’s not helpful.......I am hearing you. 🦕🦕

Re: visible SH scars

Thanks @Maggie (I almost wrote "tanks" because the "h" didn't work Robot LOL). It is helpful for you to have posted even though you weren't necessarily sure what to say - I always hate having a post just sitting around with no one responding so I'm glad you did.

Sorry to hear about the shame and labelling Smiley Sad Some people never try to understand or consider that others have different shoes and have come from different paths, and the lie is useful for avoiding negative judgement.

Re: visible SH scars

@TheVorticon @Maggie  and all who pass by. I have one left. A long, thin strip which I occasionally see and it surprises me everytime as I never expect to see it.  If anyone asked I would say something like 'the consequences of being ill ....' something like that. I am not ashamed of it. I wear it with pride as a survivor. xx

Re: visible SH scars

@TheVorticon  Thanks. ( with an an h). 🦕🦕

 

@greenpea I admire you for that. 💚💚

Re: visible SH scars

@greenpea that's a really healthy attitude to have about it 👍

Re: visible SH scars

Well said @greenpea  Maybe I’ll get there too one day but for now I am ashamed and do my best to cover them.

Re: visible SH scars

@Eve7  Hugs and hugs Eve7. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has things that they wish to hide from the world. Mine is like a silver bangle. peaHeart

Re: visible SH scars

Part of me really wants to self sabotage and do it again. I deserve the pain. And I'm not worth caring about unless there's something real that's wrong, but not really even then.

Re: visible SH scars

lol yeah sure, just delete my post. Goes to prove the point that no one cares or wants to hear it. 

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