Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Very very true @tired_sisyphus . I heard someone speak about the benefits of community, and that the more people reach out and contribute to society, the better they are mentally.

I see evidence of this all the time. Especially in my life. If I've made a difference to someone's life, it makes my life all the more worthwhile. In a way, peer support has really helped me in my recovery.

[TuxedoCat]

Heya @tired_sisyphus love the idea of figuring it out together. the "I can't be bothered" also feels a little too familiar for me. 

Something I've been thinking about is that if I can't be bothered, maybe it's not the right self-care activity for the time. To me, it feels like maybe the self-care feels like a chore so I'm giving myself options. I'm still figuring it out, but I wonder if might interest you. Yours might look a bit different, but thought I'd share anyway!

My tank is low: Low energy or very enjoyable self-care	My tank is half-filled: medium energy and neutral self-care	My tank is full: higher energy and sometimes a chore self-care
1 minute dance party A hot drink alone while I listen to a fun song (ideally in the sun) A hot shower while I do some breathing exercises video-games Walk around the block Watch my favourite movie or TV series Doom-scroll for distraction Play with my cats	Journal Talk to a trusted person about how I'm doing at the moment Go for a coffee by myself Do some gardening  Cook a yummy meal or snack Do a familiar hobby	Go to yoga A big, long walk Go out to an event or music gig  Try a new hobby

[tyme]

Hi @tired_sisyphus !

How are you, and how's your dear one?

@TuxedoCat - your list is great! I think the table helps break up the tasks very well. I should have a think of that too!

[BPDSurvivor]

How are you @tired_sisyphus ? Hope your travelling okay.

[tired_sisyphus]

@tyme- Thanks for checking in. Contribution to community (or at least people around you) is important. But I also figured it can only start when my tank is reasonably full. I wouldn't want to start something when I can't be bothered. which brings us to...

@TuxedoCat- "if I can't be bothered, maybe it's not the right self-care activity for the time." that makes a ton of sense. And the list - great analogy. I see a pyramid of "can-be-bothered-ness" which correlates to the level of self-care effort to be expanded. Helped clarify something, thank you.

@BPDSurvivor- thanks for your message. Anxious today for non-loved-one-related issues (namely, employment). Had enough of current work but change isn't something I work well with. So...will probably fill tank up before proceeding (per above).

[tired_sisyphus]

While doing grocery shopping, I felt guilty browsing the aisles, in addition to doing standard shopping.

That goes to something beyond just MH caring - it's speaks to my outlook on life, outside of what I "ought" to do.

It made me realise that my attitude to caring (ie. the lack of self-care, perspective) is an extension to my attitude to life overall.

People - I implore you to take a step back and consider how you view life overall, not just in a caring context. It's even possible that you view caring as life. And that's a good time to step back and think, hey, is this sustainable? If I burn-out, I'll be the one who needs looking after?

[tired_sisyphus]

Mrs and I talked about self-care today. Seems like we have drastically different notion of what it is.

AFAIAC, self-care is entirely relaxing. As long as it doesn't hurt my goals. But it's definitely not about setting goals, even if those goals are good. Mrs thinks it's precisely that.

Well, I'm not gonna argue. But it makes me think: some people's idea of self-care, to me sounds like work. And sometimes even my (very nonchalant) idea of self-care feels like work.

But better than breaking down, right?

[TuxedoCat]

each to their own @tired_sisyphus, but it sounds like a really important convo to have. You've inspired me to talk with my own partner about it!