Looking after ourselves
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25-10-2016 01:16 PM
25-10-2016 01:16 PM
automatic shutdown or disassociation
Hi
I dont know if any of you experience this with BPD or maybe its the PTSD that causes it. I find when I'm extremely stressed and someone starts to lecture me or yell at me etc I can feel like my brain shutting down and everthing becomes blah blah blah and I'm not really taking anything in and I just feel numb all over. My partner says I get this glazed look in my eye and its always at moments of high stress and he feels then there is no point talking to me as I wont remember it.
Is this just disassociation and how can you stop it from coming on? I understand its probably the brain's self defence mechanism protecting me from harms way but when I'm trying to move forward and stop these knee jerk reactions its hard. I know the PTSD has something to do with it as it comes from childhood, when ever there is yelling or stress its my instant reaction but I want to stop it - any ideas?
Is this the reason why my memory is bad as well? I can remember the most trivial things from years ago but ask me something about yesterday or last week I will struggle to remember. Everytime my partner and I watch a movie on TV I might say this would be good to watch and he would say but we just watched this weeks ago and you didnt like it and I will have no recollection of this at all. Its happened at work once or twice and even at the doctors.
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25-10-2016 05:25 PM
25-10-2016 05:25 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
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26-10-2016 09:27 AM
26-10-2016 09:27 AM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Thanks @pip
I know part of my PTSD is people raising their voice, this came from the yelling and shouting at home in general and at me at a young age. So I know now if my partner raises his voice I start to "shut down". I also wonder if there are memories I have blocked, I cant seem to remember much as a child before 8 years old but I can remember a lot at the age of 8 and how I was feeling. I remember I would have dreams as a child of being able to fly and I would excape my bed at night and fly through the neighborhood, I guess a childs way of escaping.
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26-10-2016 05:22 PM
26-10-2016 05:22 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
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26-10-2016 05:36 PM
26-10-2016 05:36 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Hi @Change123 @pip
I have dissociated in my session with my therapist quite a few times. And each time it was a trigger from my childhood abuse.
It could be my body trying to protect me, I don't know.
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26-10-2016 06:08 PM
26-10-2016 06:08 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
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26-10-2016 07:00 PM
26-10-2016 07:00 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
No @pip I haven't talked about the dissociation. I remember the last time it happened was last year during a session with my DBT therapist. I was so not there in the room, and then she made me lay down on the couch. I think she was really worried about me. But we didn't discuss anything after that.
But I am seeing a new psychologist next month so I will bring this up with her. She is experienced in helping survivors of childhood abuse and BPD. Fingers crossed I get along well with her.
I think I do get scared of going through talking about my abuse, because I do get so emotional and zone out. I wish I could swear and scream at my therapist, if only he would let me. I really think that would help me.
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26-10-2016 07:57 PM
26-10-2016 07:57 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
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26-10-2016 08:05 PM
26-10-2016 08:05 PM
Re: automatic shutdown or disassociation
Thanks @pip
It will probably be a little while before I can do that in my new psychologist's rooms. Because it will take time to build up a relationship with her. But now reading your reply I so want to do this - yell and scream.
I wonder why no one has ever done this with me before. They all knew I was abused as a child. I will definitely bring it up next month.
Thank you 🙂
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26-10-2016 08:51 PM
26-10-2016 08:51 PM