Lived Experience Forum

[Snowie]

Thanks @Whitehawk , I see my psych tomorrow.

[Lee82]

Feeling scared. Feeling helpless. Worried beyond belief. I don't know what to do. I miss my beautiful friend so very very much and I can't stop worrying about her. I am trying so hard to stop all the scary things that are going through my head but I can't help it. It's so hard not to think about the what if's. I truly hope everything is ok but something inside me, something in my heart is telling me that things are not ok. I hope you are ok! 

[Former-Member]

I am safe... 

Last night I had a strong thought just to go to sleep and not wake up. The pain in my heart hurt so bad. Mixed with grief, aloneness, despair. I can feel myself going far away

[BlueBay]

I often think about suicude. 

[Abcd]

I hate depression. It makes me feel worthless... Or whether all the study I've done is not going to be useful... Also COVID-19 brought back all the memories when I first got depressed which was when I was doing Distance Education for high school...

So Uni feels a bit like a degree factory... because I've done reduced courseloads and things and there's this 10 year credit rule... Like I emailed the student services about what the situation was going to be in Semester 2 re online teaching or not and then I got an email from the Disability Advisor about not making an appointment with them until I make a decision about studying or not... (Like I kind of wish someone in student services hadn't forwarded it on the Disability Advisor)

And I don't like how Faculty is like... you need x courses to complete re a program rules...

So I randomly looked up a thing to do with an article re discipline I'm studying re assessing skills and knowledge... Like there's no one at the University who could like refer me onto someone to go through that re external or pay someone to help me... because all academic advice is about the future courses you will do (not whether your illness or time has potentially corrupted the knowledge needed for future courses... or how to remedy that)

Oh I hate in some ways they create majors where there are only two compulsory major courses, rest are courses that you can choose from which are common to other majors so you don't feel like you belong to a cohort of students... Maybe, with these sort of majors they should create a optional fortnightly seminar or something that students in this major can go to but it doesn't matter what level you are at re 1,2,3 year level gives you the opportunity to interact with people who want to interact with others.  And especially with reduced course loads you feel out of it... or when I was doing a dual degree but my ordering of courses wasn't typical because of missed semesters...

[Former-Member]

Woke to sirens
what a pain
Transports me back
to the darkest day
On and on
Saving some poor soul
Why couldn't they
save my girl?
Too slow, too slack
Now they torture me
Over and over again
Fnt Take me back there

[Former-Member]

Don't take me back there

[BlueBay]

Where is hope 

where is life

where is peace 

where's hope gone 

there's no hope 

not anywhere 

[Eve7]

The thoughts in my head have turned into voices again.

I keep getting asked “Are you better”? When are you coming back to work? We need you at work.

I am safe but what will happen if Igo home next week?

I can’t do this anymore, it’s just too hard. I’m so sorry.

[Otter]

Hi @Eve7 ,

Understanding as always that this is a venting thread, I am still feeling a bit concerned so I've just dropped you a private email.

Much care and gratitude and hope you are doing well,

Otter