Lived Experience Forum

[Change123]

Hi

Not sure if this is something that has been discussed as the subject came up automatically but yes why dont we stick to things?

I seem to have the issue even with practising my DBT skills, I try to read through my notes from DBT class 6  years ago every couple of days.  I start doing it conscientiously and then within a few weeks all of a sudden I find I havent done it for weeks.  

Because of this it looks to my partner like I'm not even trying to look after myself but I do.  I think the only thing I stick to is when I get home I play with my beautiful german shepherd, apart from the fact I love him and want to play with him it also helps with my anxiety as I tire myself out straight away.  He is my lifeline so to speak if it wasnt for him I probably wouldnt be here.  He is the only one who supports me emotionally strange as it may sound to some.  When I was at my worst on Thursday and collapsed in bed after the ED he just lay next to me and would check on me and give very gentle kisses on my nose when I was asleep, then when I got up he would just lean into me really hard and let me wrap my arms around him and give him a big cuddle and he just stays there snuggling into me -he is so gentle and caring - I wish people could be like that!

[BlueBay]

Aww @Change123 that is so gorgeous of your beautiful german shepherd.  I have a kelpie and she does exactly the same thing.  Yeah wouldn't it be good if humans could do that!!!

I know exactly what you're saying, i am hearing you.  I did the DBT course last year and I have all the books, the tools I need etc etc - I do them for a little while and then nothing again.

I don't know why either.  I know my therapist keeps telling me 'you just don't want to get better' - but that's not true (well partly).  

I wish I knew why I can't just stick with it as well.  It frustrates me so much, then I feel angry towards myself and then emotional and it's just a roller coaster of emotions.

Hope someone can give us some advice.  take care @Change123 

[MoonGal]

@Change123 and @BlueBay

I used to think I 'don't stick at things" but I have a different life view now. 

I think with programmes and suggested tools and steps etc - once you have intergrated them - you take what you want from them, they settle into a way of being. I let things go now. I TRUST myself that I have absorbed the parts that help ME - we are not all cookie cutouts of a particular mental illness, we are ourselves with a huge mix of thoughts, experiences and ideas.

I spent an entire year writing out this 12 step thing (my own adaption of the AA 12 steps) every morning without fail. EVERY MORNING... then one day I didn't do it and felt guilty but just couldn;t bring myself to even try and then weeks went by and I realised that these thoughts, guidances, ideas are absorbed into us.

WHo in the world does exactly the same thing every day releigiously except religious observance? We get bored, our minds get bored. And particualalry if it is NOT WORKING FOR US. Find out what does. What works? Work it, ceases to work? Find a new thing to do.

I jerked on this line @BlueBay " I know my therapist keeps telling me 'you just don't want to get better' ".  I am appalled that some one would say that! What part of our struggle is not honoured? 
The STRUGGLE is never honoured or acknowledged really. By ourselves or other practitioners of the various services.

Perhaps next time they say that - you could say "I keep coming back don't i? "

I dunno - I think we all need to honour our struggle as wella s try to find the way through it around it, over it, past it and how to live in it.

Other people do not KNOW because they are not there. I have found with psychs/counsellors they eventually get an eye glaze because what is VITAL for us to work out is not vital for them. Their eye glaze is a sure sign to me it is time to move on. 

[Dogman]

Hi @Change123,

I cant eplain why we dont stick to things, I have Chronic complex PTSD and Mixed Bipolar, and I some what put it down to where I am in my cycle to how i handle or how i continue on with things. I am 100% transparent with the few people i have as my support system; My Psychiatrist, my Psychologist and my Flat mate and my Daughter. I just talk with them to let them know day to day how i am feeling and it works well and any one their who thinks I m not trying isnt worth talking to.

I don't have any friends, and thats ok I wouldnt know what to talk to them about anyway. I am just trying to be the best version of me I can that day and try and keep busy with here and now things. If this helps me some how stick to things I should be doing , good but if there is a few things i cant quiet do at least I am trying every day and i am at least sticking to that.

Done am to high and if you can keep to you basic routine everyday that is really what your aiming for and everything else is a bonus.

Dogman

[Change123]

Thanks @Dogman, @MoonGal & @BlueBay

Like you said @BlueBay, I keep getting told by my partner that I dont want to get better - maybe if they developed BPD they would understand that we dont want this.  I do partly understand at what they are saying though I think what they are getting at is not that we dont WANT TO GET BETTER, its just our brains are hardwired to keep the status quo (chaos mayhem etc), I know for a fact that if things go really good for me for a month I start to panic and think why etc etc and at times like now when I'm ok I understand that it is because its something different for our brains.  I read somewhere once that we should constantly try to do something that is good but out of our comfort zone so we start getting use to this feeling.  I guess thats another thing that really frustrates me I have and know so much information about BPD but incorporating the skills into every day life is the hard part.

May be like you said @Dogman instead of trying to do these things constantly I should just concentrate on being the best possible me on that given day.

@BlueBay its good someone else here is a dog lover, I too grew up with small family dogs and as soon as my partner and I had a house we got a german shepherd.  Kelpies are the same, all part of the "herding family" and they are all intelligent dogs.  Sometimes too much!  My boy can be a handful, very very cheeky boy but very loving.  One of his favourite things to do to you is if you are wearing thongs he will walk behind you and when you least expect it step on the back of your thong and trip you up and then I swear his has this cheeky smile on his face when you turn around. Or he steals things from us to get our attention and turn into a chase game.  Gotta luv them!!!!!!

[Change123]

Thanks @Dogman, @MoonGal & @BlueBay

Like you said @BlueBay, I keep getting told by my partner that I dont want to get better - maybe if they developed BPD they would understand that we dont want this.  I do partly understand at what they are saying though I think what they are getting at is not that we dont WANT TO GET BETTER, its just our brains are hardwired to keep the status quo (chaos mayhem etc), I know for a fact that if things go really good for me for a month I start to panic and think why etc etc and at times like now when I'm ok I understand that it is because its something different for our brains.  I read somewhere once that we should constantly try to do something that is good but out of our comfort zone so we start getting use to this feeling.  I guess thats another thing that really frustrates me I have and know so much information about BPD but incorporating the skills into every day life is the hard part.

May be like you said @Dogman instead of trying to do these things constantly I should just concentrate on being the best possible me on that given day.

@BlueBay its good someone else here is a dog lover, I too grew up with small family dogs and as soon as my partner and I had a house we got a german shepherd.  Kelpies are the same, all part of the "herding family" and they are all intelligent dogs.  Sometimes too much!  My boy can be a handful, very very cheeky boy but very loving.  One of his favourite things to do to you is if you are wearing thongs he will walk behind you and when you least expect it step on the back of your thong and trip you up and then I swear his has this cheeky smile on his face when you turn around. Or he steals things from us to get our attention and turn into a chase game.  Gotta luv them!!!!!!

[PurpleFlowers]

I totally relate...When therapists start making comments that are slight put downs or something else, it is definitely time to reassess. There is too much pressure with the amount of knowledge out there that it is automatically turned into healing and some how you are not doing something. Totally Bull!!!!