16-05-2019 08:25 AM
It is interesting how you ensured you had social connection by volunteering @Appleblossom. It is well documented that those who volunteer are generally healthier than those who do not. In a talk I listened to it mentioned that this is in tune with a design law of nature, that in order to thrive, any living being needs not only to receive but also to give and bring meaning to our lives. It does give social connection, particularly if tasks require teamwork and acquaintances are made with the potential but no guarantee of stronger friendships.
Are you finding more connection with choir members?
Coincidentally, in the last couple of days I have become aware that at present I am not volunteering and am presently considering options.
16-05-2019 10:34 AM
I can certainly see the value in what you are saying re helping others @Darcy as I am definitely boosted emotionally when I am able to successfully help someone. That is why I have done so much volunteering at the university which as a bonus resulted in paid work and why I enjoy that paid work so much. For me at least in our present chapter and for as long as that lasts it balances out some of the deficit of being so emotionally needy.
16-05-2019 01:01 PM
Was talking with vollies yesterday who applied for paid work. @Determined It can be great if it leads to it, but I Was glad I was happy with my limit, that I did not even want to go there, but accept this vollie role as a stressfree and healthful ongoing way of life.
Re volunteering. I have always done it. @Darcy Shook tins collecting for childrens hospital as kid, always aware there were people who had it hard. Collected for starving kids in India etc ...part of that was a positive about religion that I do not regret. Also I always lived in high density environments ... lots of people around and in my space. I now strugggle with many middle class assumptions about normal ways of feeling ... that is ongoing challenge ... it is hard as I have similar education but not life experiences ... and find it hard to connect to rougher bogan type people, tho used to meet lots, but not really snobby ... just shy ... and now physical neck disability, so I just cant be around them if aggression is flying. Forum really helped as I felt safe around my neck issues.
@Darcy Hope you find some vollie work that is rewarding. I am pleased with the zoo as I learn a lot and have lots warm fuzzy feelings around animals and helping people ... I dont see it as an upgrade to get paid. I think it is important to maintain that people have complex motivations and that making money is not the only one ... it matters ... but so do other things ...
18-05-2019 07:35 PM - edited 18-05-2019 07:36 PM
Moving on to the second to last suggestion we come to Tip 6: Build social connections
and when I finally get out to socialized , I feel strange like I have nothing to talk about
with being self employed , with our jobs , lots of time we don`t see our customers at all
with mum in hospital , I tend to have more interaction socially with the doctors and patients
being on the forum, Facebook and messager has helped a lot , but I find that I have to do the interacting
if I don``t I would get no phone calls, no messages at all
19-05-2019 01:24 PM
The choir stuff is layered and varied with me. @Darcy
Most people in my choirs are fairly educated and well heeled and housed. They have much more resources than I will ever have or had, so that can lead to misunderstandings, but many appreciate the work I have put in to develop my musicality so I can be a musical rock ...lol ... others periodically decide to take against me, because I dont fit the norm. So it is actually hard work, as there are a lot of people out there, who think they know, and they are usually women who are willing to confront and have a go at me ... not the men ...
At last concert a lady had a go, telling me I was wrong in my parenting, without the slightest interest in listening and just continually butting in and over riding me. She had no right, nor reason and I became very distressed then later angry and stood my ground telling her off and "not to do it again" ... she also gossips, whispering in my ear nasty things about others which I do not want to hear ... she is often a "concertmaster" .. which is a specific role, that does not take professionalism just bossiness ... so nothing is a given ... it has gone to the committee so we will see how it is managed .... I have backed away from that on for a while and joined something diff and local ... others are really beautiful and just give out warmth and revel in the music. I dont think the conductor would like to hear what happened ... they are all going on big European tour, which I am will abstain from ...for lots of different reasons ... it is what it is ...Darcy. They have money and will spend it to please themselves.
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