Lived Experience Forum

[PrinceNaveen]

Lately, I've been finding myself stuck in a slump. Unproductive, inactive and unable to engage in any of my hobbies. Just the same old routine of showing up to work, going home and spending endless hours scrolling through social media and mindless entertainment. 

The place I currently reside in is an absolute mess. There are plates everywhere there shouldn't be, important letters disappearing into the abyss (that is the junk on the floor) and unwashed clothes piling up, waiting to be clean again.

I've always been someone that could pick themselves up and put up a strong exterior towards others, valuing my independence and ability to solve my own problems. Slowly, that's slipping away, and it feels like it has been forever. 

I don't know whether I should blame this on my recent tactic of disregarding everyone that used to be in my support system. Shoving people out of my life intentionally so that they don't have to carry my burden as well as theirs has been something I've done over the years, and it has led be to this situation.

Talking to someone about my problems has never helped any situation I've been in. I'm not so good at expressing my thoughts because they are kept inside my head for far too long and again, I don't want to be a burden on others. I remember writing a letter to a therapist I had not too long ago and while that did help (I find it way easier to get my thoughts on paper) I regretted in immediately because I had never been that vulnerable to someone before.

(btw I no longer see this therapist because they are not available anymore)

It feels like I'll be stuck in this slump forever. What do I do?

[Oaktree]

Hi @PrinceNaveen 

Welcome to the forums. I can relate to everything you said except that I don’t work. My housework piles up because I don’t want to do it and I can’t be bothered doing anything else. 

If I was going to give you advice though I would say take baby steps. You did not get into this mess overnight and it won’t be overnight that you get over it. I used to follow Flylady and she recommends a 27 fling boogie. Grab a trash bag and put 27 pieces of rubbish in it then throw it away. You do that a few days in a row and before you know it the rubbish goes away leaving behind the more important things which you can deal with. 

Good luck,

Meggle

[CrazyChick]

@PrinceNaveen

I know someone going through similiar at the moment. A strategy that works for him is to write a list of priorities and start working through them one at at time. Try to make sure you do at least 1 thing off the list a day. If items on the list are too big - like wash dishes - break them down into smaller achieveable tasks - like collect all the dirty dishes and stack them next to the sink; then later or another day you could start washing a load of dishes. Or picking up all the clothes on the floor and take to the laundry; then pick out a load of what needs most urgent washing (eg work clothes) to put in the machine. Or if there is something you are avoiding as it needs to be done at a certain time - schedule that task at a time that you can do it - eg. set reminder in phone to call x in lunchbreak. For some people once you get started it can be easier to keep going to completion.

Another strategy that worked for this person was setting a timer. He would set a timer say for every 15mins and start doing the task until the timer went off. When the timer went off he would have a quick break - eg. for a drink. When he first used the strategy he was having 15mins doing tasks, 15mins break, then back for another 15 min task. But over time he would continue the tasks for multiple consecutive periods before needing a break.

When things get out of hand it can be really overwhelming to deal with and can seem like you need to push people away. You could feel embarassed, or not able to cope with how you anticipate they might react to your struggles - potential criticism or them trying to impose their solutions on you, or that they may be overwhelmed with trying to help you. But there are some people who can help if you are willing to give them a go. Perhaps ask people you know if they have struggled with housework in the past - and if others open up about their challenges then you may feel more comortable sharing your challenges and seeking their assistance. Could you collect up your dirty clothes and ask someone to help you wash them - perhaps a paid service if you can afford to, or a friend/family member (you could say your washing machine isn't working properly)?

If you have a problem with your dishes, is this contributing to you not eating properly? If this is you, it may be making your depression worse. Perhaps finding some easy solutions to having proper meals could help you until you can sort through your kitchen. There can be some relatively cheap and nuritious soups available (depending on your budget) or other instant meals depending on your preferences.

Do you know what important letters you are missing? Are there alternative ways to get that information - such as phoning companies who you have bills with and paying what is owing and maybe even setting up a system so the bills get automatically paid when due? Or could you ask for important letters to be emailed to you if this is easier for you to manage?

As you get back on top of your clothes, dishes, letters etc - it can help to set up systems to make it easier to keep on top of those tasks - such as laundry basket/s where clothes accumulate (bedroom/bathrooms); direct debit bills; cooking in batches and freezing meals (to reduce how many dishes you accumulate). It is working out what strategies work for you.

Keep posting on these forums your challenges and achievements as you work through these issues. And others can likely suggest some things to try.