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Looking after ourselves

Powderfinger
Senior Contributor

Re building after a mental breakdown

I'm slowly coming to the realisation that re-buildijg my life after my recent mental breakdown is inevitable. In some ways, I feel relief. The old has to go. 

 

I know it sounds so simple but it will take time. Nine months of constant pressure the entire time did it. Not entirely the one reason but it was a full nine months of constant pressure and too many huge changes that I never had time to even process. 

 

I'm in a relationship and I cannot place any focus on the person I am with. I have no energy. She definitely contributed towards my breakdown. I'm not going to end my relationship. I have vague memories of us before my mental breakdown. They are still there, it's just I can't feel them right now. It will come back at some point. I just can't be present in the relationship for now. 

 

I'm not ready to re-build. I'm still coming to terms with the breakdown and I'm not stable enough yet to start re-buildijg. I don't put pressure on myself to have things done by a certain time. The whole idea is to not continue the pressure. 

 

My partner betrayed my trust. Three times within short succession of each other. She didn't cheat on me. Perhaps she needs more freedom. I sense it anyway. I'm adjusting to give her more room without me. I actually could do with some more space for me as well. Connect with myself, without her. 

 

It is her birthday today. The old me would be going all out to make this day special. The old me did that because that was me. I believed it was a special day for anyone. If partnered, it was a day of celebration. 

Today, I'm not doing that. I've got her flowers being delivered, the rest of the day it is hers to choose to do what she wishes. I wasn't feel appreciated in the relationship anyway. Taken for granted, yes. Perhaps she needs to know what life is like without me around all the time. I'm quite happy to go off and do my own thing. I like my freedom too. 

 

Anyhow, just a journal entry of sorts I suppose. 

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

@Powderfinger 

 

I hear you that you just want to take your time to be patient with yourself.

 

I am here with you and sitting with you.

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

Hi 👋 @Powderfinger , 

ive followed some of your posts and have wanted to respond a few times but have been distracted for one reason or another (distraction is one of my many mild superpowers 😉). 

I can identify with what you've experienced as far as a breakdown. I think as @jem80 said I think that giving yourself time is important. I was so stuck for a very long time after mine. I'm still kind of stuck. 

After my breakdown my therapist told me that I was in an ideal place to create a new identity. That's proved to be much more complex than it sounds but it's doable. 

Give yourself time for the grieving parts. They might be ongoing because of the complexity of your grieving. I also had a complex situation that I didn't really or understand that I was passing through one phase of my life that I could never go back to. There are other members on the forum that have gone through this kind of complex grief as well. 

Therapy will help heal and help you find your feet again if you can connect with the therapist. (It took me three to find the right one for me). I hope you find one that you can connect with. 

As far as looking after you the only piece of advice I am give from my experiences is to find something that takes your mind off your MH. It was something that I didn't do. I became fixated on fixing me. It made things worse. Some of the things that were suggested to me (that I ignored at the time 😳) was to find some things that inspire curiosity. The notion of finding something joy is probably not possible at the moment. Finding something that directs your thoughts to that task is something that will help you build those calming things into your 'toolbox'.  

About the only thing that I've continuously done since I started the recovery phase was gardening. For me this was just having some pots with my favourite plants in. As my MH ebbed and flowed I'd lose plants from neglect when I was really low but then when I was doing ok I'd start again. Without knowing the reason I slowly came to do more of it when I was really low. It meant I got out of my bed and went outside to get some sunlight. I was struggling this morning with feeling low, and without too much thought I went outside and repotted 3 plants. I feel calmer and more connected for it. I was able to come in and write this post to you. These are the small things that are beginning to help shape the post breakdown me. 

Many people find something (a hobby) that they find therapeutic. It can be anything that just passes time and you don't realise it. Some find baking, crafts, art and music as a kind of soul food. Others might find house renovating, building things, fixing things, learning something new or a new exercise or sport as something to help them through this time. Just remember that all you need is a bit of curiosity. It won't make things instantly better but it will help you build a new you in the future. This takes much time from my experiences and from reading others experiences on the forum. 

Lastly I once found a quote about relationships that's stuck with me. It's "I'll look after me for you if you look after you for me". It sounds like by looking after you now you are looking after your relationship for now. If your relationship lasts it will be something that's always helpful. If your relationship doesn't last you've learnt an amazing life skill of knowing how to care for you. That's the biggest relationship you'll ever have - the one with yourself.  

 

Sorry if this is long or a bit preachy. I can be a bit prone to that 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:. 

Take care. 😊

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

@Teej 

 

Hi, thank you for writing in eventually. I have read what you have written and will refer to it a few times. It's hard to take in lots of information right now so I have to break it down even if it us only one line. 

 

My mind needs a lot if time to repair itself. The grief is enormous. I will take in board your suggestion for a hobby. I think that will come a bit later BUT I will be incorporating a hobby into my life while I'm re building. 

 

I need to deal with things in therapy first. Trying to plot and plan right now is not good timing. I am trying to accept the fact that life totally went to crap for me. 

 

Thanks again for writing in. I wish you a better day each day in your recovery. 

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

@jem80 

 

It us so helpful when someone says they are sitting with me. 

 

Yes, I want patience and I'd prefer other people's patience. Living in an entitled and fast paced society does not work for me. They are so unaware they are even doing it. 

 

It doesn't work for me especially with a mental breakdown. I need time and I don't want to tell everyone I had a mental breakdown. That is my personal life. 

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

Update: I thought I had a breakthrough with my partner last night. She's been absent for the whole if lost week. With me as we live together, but absent emotionally from me. 

 

Last night I broke down yet again because I'm just not coping with my life, my breakdown and thus happening. She was there for me last night. I thought we turned a corner. I felt a teeny spark of happiness and relief return. 

 

Today, different day, same bullshit. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. We have a massive office separate from the main house. I think it's time for me to leave the main house and live in there permanently. I cannot live like this. Every day now I'm breaking down. 

 

I can see she is struggling. Perhaps best for both of us I think. 

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

Hi Teej,
I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. I have gained a lot of knowledge and have considered new concepts for how I may be able to help myself in my current situation.

Re: Re building after a mental breakdown

Hi Ramble,

 

Sorry to read you are struggling so much. I find some time apart does help. Having a bit of space can make me feel more relaxed.

 

It is tough when we feel like we are always fluctuating from what works and feels good to what is hard and difficult.

 

Hopefully you will be able to keep up the communication with your partner and explain how you are feeling and explain what you need to do right now.

 

I keep asking for a caravan for the back yard, or even a shed.

 

Hope you can find ways through this.

 

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